There are so many twists and turns every day that it makes my head spin. Today was another stomach-churning day. Mom was sitting in the dining room when I arrived but she was in her trancelike state. I started holding her hand and gently talking to her and trying to wake her up. I noticed that every so often she would have tremors and seem a little distressed. She wouldn't open her eyes or her mouth to drink the water I brought her. Little by little, she started to be more conscious, but would have periods of agitation. I asked her if she was in pain, and she shook her head no. Her food came and I fed her tiny little tastes of chopped up brats. Then I fed her a couple of tastes of potato salad which she definitely liked. But then, more agitation, after which she burped loudly. I was alarmed because she looked like she might gag or throw up. I asked for the nurse to look at her and explained her symptoms and the nurse said, "Do you want me to give her more morphine?"
"Morphine?" I said in a still small voice. "She is taking morphine?" "Oh, yes," said the nurse. "Morphine's part of the hospice care." I staggered about, verbally and finally said, "I'll have to think about that and could you please print out a list of her meds." Ended up in an hour long conversation with the hospice nurse going over the EIGHTEEN meds she is now taking (a large chunk of them are meds for constipation, caused by the other meds). Now, granted, I am a total dummy when it comes to pharmaceuticals, since I take absolutely zero medications. But that is not going to stop me from ploughing into this subject. A care conference is planned for tomorrow at 11:30 and I don't see how we're going to resolve everything in 30 minutes, but we'll try!
