Daily Meditations

[Daniel]

Eros and Thanatos, my concepts:

"Eros, that dazzling sun, attracts to its light, and burns us in the consumation of our desires. Thanatos, that enigmatic moon, pulls us inevitably to its shores like the tide." -from Eros and Thanatos

Now this interesting image, which ascribes Eros to the sun, and Thanatos to the moon, recalls any number of poetic and visual images. Consider Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, (written as much from memory as possible):

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks.
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon.

With a few lines, Shakespeare introduces a conflict between sun and moon, between Eros and Thanatos, and perhaps this image is perfectly suited for a romantic relationship doomed to end before its construction is complete. Visually, such a conflict brings to mind a complete solar eclipse, where the moon becomes a black shadow hiding the sun. Importantly, Eros and Thanatos are not equals. Their relationship is not akin to the one between yin and yang. Nor are they two sides of the same coin. Like many mental concepts, there are times when eros appears to be stronger, and there are times when thanatos appears to be stronger. In the human reality, this perception is in fact true. To attempt to equalize or limit the experience of either seems a grave crime against the fullness of human existence, in whose field the natural conflict results in both beauty and understanding.

[Daniel]

Ah, yes, back to the meditations... I am certain I have them around here somewhere. Ah yes, here they are.

Now where was I? Ah, here.

Ennis: "If I had three hands I could."

The Five Stages of the Soul: In the case of Tolstoy, the desire to face his suffering squarely became a driving force. Like many of us, his impulse was to grow by simplifying and confronting the obvious. He began by eliminating the distractions and ambitions that were eating his life.

Beauty, the Invisible Embrace:

The beauty of colour is an intricate play of presence and absence.

None of us comes to a new relationship with empty hands.

Each shape of vulnerability has a different origin.

When serenity is restored, new perspectives open to us and difficulty can begin to seem like an invitation of new growth.


If nothing else, in this particular scene Ennis reveals his vulnerability and for a moment drops his stoic composure and looks elsewhere for aid. I wonder if we were to examine Ennis's statements throughout the film how many other times does he begin his statements with "If...". It is a plaintive tone of dependency heard elsewhere in the film, and reveals his inner nature much like every other statement he utters.

Vulnerable to the difficulties of life, struggling against his own suffering, Ennis seems to plead with the powers that be, even offering recompense for the third hand that would enable him to once again retain a stoic independence.

"If I was lucky, that harmonica woulda broke in two."

"If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it."

"If you don't want no more of my kids, I'll be happy to leave you alone."

"If you don't got nothin' then you don't need nothin'."

It is interesting to note that these statements relate cause and effect and also reveal Ennis's inner beliefs about the world, but at the same time they have a vibrant rhythm of their own. The word "If" denotes an either/or situation and when only one choice is presented it is a statement of presence as opposed to absence.

If your life is difficult, then we should do this.... If this, then that.

Logical? Perhaps. But also deeply emotional.

In his relationship with Jack he offers two "If" statements and it is enthralling to see that where Ennis adopts the plaintive tone, Jack creates a supportive tone, creating a balanced system of need and fulfillment.

[Daniel]

Joe Aguirre: "Well look what the wind blew in."

The Five Stages of the Soul
"Turn to a higher power. Become sober. Admit your guilt. Review your errors. Make amends to the people you've hurt. Stay on the straight and narrow. Help others avoid similar mistakes."

Beauty, the Invisible Embrace
"Music is often the only language which can find those banished to the nameless interior of illness."

"Ultimately, reverence is respect before mystery. But it is more than an attitude of mind; reverence is also physical - a dignified attention of body showing that sacred is already here."

"To be who we are, we need the consolation and companionship of the outside."

"The imagination is like a lantern. It illuminates the inner landscapes of our life and helps us discover their secret archaeologies."

Joe Aguirre's words ring with a heavy lack of reverence and no small amount of disgust. I have learned a long time ago that disgust is an inner emotion rather than an external one - it expresses our discomfort with ourselves and our lack of identity - it is an illness.

But more sorrowful than the inner emotion of disgust is the need to externalize it. To use that emotion to harm others rather than to examine the self. Throughout this scene, Joe Aguirre uses harmful words to attack Jack's desire and selflessness and unique self - his personhood. Joe Aquirre's self is invasive and deadly. He stands forth in blazing righteousness and helps spread guilt, shame, and disappointment to Jack's fragile character, which though slightly damaged remains unbroken.

We can see within these words a sarcastic use of imagination - a limited perception of Jack's ungrounded nature, but this imagination reveals Mr. Agurre's lack of interest or support for Jack's independent nature.

[Daniel]

This is the first meditation upon a nonspoken part of the screenplay. It was the first thing I pointed to and instead of redoing the randomization I decided to go along with it.

'Ennis is thrown, lands hard, rolls on the rocky ground."

The Five Stages of the Soul
"Enterprise, challenge, daring, activity - all these qualities, psychologists tell us, are integral parts of existence and a tonic to our self esteem. They make us vital and interested. They keep us alive. Without them, and without our dreams, we wither and turn old before our time."

Beauty, the Invisible Embrace
"Within one single colour there is a fluent geography of tone: at one end the colour belongs more to the darkness, at the other end more to the light. Each colour is its own spectrum. Within itself and together with other colors, each color remains fluent in that perennial yet elusive dance of hue."

"In the face of such beauty our bodies feel paper thin; this beauty could undo us. Eventually time comes to the rescue and its pedestrian sequence calms us again."

"She was gone and would never come back."

"The 'web of betweenness' is still there but in order to become a presence again, it needs to be invoked."

If we are kept alive by challenge then even our most painful moments resonate with the grandness of life. As Ennis falls from his comfortable place of being to an agony of ground, we can see at first glance some great and painful difficulty that invokes both anger and regret. Ennis, like other people, is a cascade of possibilities, a vibrant spectrum of light and shadow.

Ennis's collapse reveals, with stunning insight: vulnerability. The opening up of the body and soul - such beauty has the potential to suffocate our emotions, but man cannot reside in a continual state of emotional compassion. That compassion calls us to act, and through action the vulnerability, the wound, is healed.

The departure of that moment, when the wound was laid bare for us to heal, is permanent. The same moment can never return. When a wound is exposed, it must be treated quickly before it festers and becomes a perpetual soreness and destruction of the spirit.

The opportunity to heal the vulnerability of another invokes the 'web of betweenness' and disturbs the responsibility of the human spirit. We can appreciate the exposure of the wound and the ultimate trust required to expose it, but failure to act is a betrayal of that trust and a destruction of the strands of human connection.

[Daniel]

After weeks of searching for my medititation journal, I have finally recovered it.

Lureen: "Oh yeah, Jack was pumping up a flat on the truck out on a back road when the tire blew up. The rim of the tire slammed into his face, broke his nose and jaw, knocked him unconscious on his back. By the time somebody came along, he had drowned in his own blood. He was only thirty-nine years old."

The Five Stages of the Soul
" 'Hazardous diversions can stop the customary flow of associative thought for a few remarkable minutes and transport risk-takers into a state of terrifying bliss. This perilous strategy achieves its greatest intesnity during moments of life-threatening danger.' "

Beauty: The Invisible Embrace

"As the soul can render the face luminous, so too can love turn up the hidden light within a person's life. Love changes the way we see ourselves and others. We feel beautiful when we are loved, and to evoke an awareness of beauty in another is to give them a precious gift they will never lose."

"When you become vulnerable, any ideal or perfect image you may have had of yourself falls away."

"The beauty of God is the warmth of the divine affection."

"You cannot divest yourself of your immortal clothing."

-----

Moments of life threatening intensity, huh? Yep, I guess that fits the bill. The point that seems to be captured here is that no matter how Jack specifically died - wheter it was as Lureen described or Ennis believed - he did experience the final separation and move beyond this world... and this broke Ennis.

Ennis did not break down, did not burst into hysterical laughter, gut-wrenching sobs, or fits of depression. But he did break. His customary flow of associative thought was disturbed. All the things he had grown used to over a period of 20 years and a few exhilirating months on a special mountain had suddenly, irrevocably, unequivocably stopped.

He becomes completely vulnerable, and it is here that the image he had been fronting - his rough, independent exterior - begins to fade away. Here he faces his own inner shadow: a facing which grows more complete, particularly when he ventures to the Twist Ranch.

There he discovers Jack's love for him to be complete and the words of "Beauty: The Invisible Embrace" hold true: Ennis begins to feel beautiful, his own awareness of beauty evoked by Jack's tender demonstration which his words could not seem to capture. Ennis finally receives the precious gift that Jack had been trying to give him for many, many years. His vulnerability is ultimately complete - he is the most exposed to the Universe as he is going to be in all his life.

An added note: Some members have mentioned that Ennis whispers the words "I love you." in this particular scene. While I have not experienced that myself, such a revelation at such a vulnerable moment can only be a sacred beatification of love as one of the most powerful forces of the Universe, in that it is always an inner presence but not always identified or recognized.

Jack's mother provides something that Ennis needs very badly - the divine affection.

[gattaca]

Ennis did indeed break. But as you say, quietly, but profoundly. I understand this type of break very well.

[Daniel]

I've noticed I'm rubbing some people the wrong way. This is entirely not intentional on my part. I in no way mean anyone any harm or to change their ways of life or their beliefs. I do not think I have said anything causing harm or prompting people to attempt to make changes. Often I make suggestions, but these are more often than not suggestions for myself personally, or they are made to affirm my personal beliefs. If they come across as too strong, please do not personalize them for yourself.

That being said, please keep in mind that these meditations are a part of a key to my inner being. If I did not believe 100% in the words that I post here I would not have posted them. Not only do I believe they are true, I also believe they define the relationship between man and the universe and that individual beings can continue to transform their consciousness and relationships in an ever-expansive identification of themselves and their acknowledgements of what is so.

I am not certain if I should go into more detail here, as I am unaware if this is the correct forum for a Statement of Belief or Testament. But I just want everyone here to know that I love them very much and that I am very sorry if anything I have said has been painful, insulting or judgmental toward anyone else. I do not feel like a Defense of Consciousness is necessary here, and I am certain that no one will ask for it. 

[gattaca]

Daniel -
I can't imagine anyone interpreting your words here as anything but contemplative and positive.
I certainly enjoy it.

[vkm91941]

Daniel I love reading your thoughts and your poetry there is nothing bad here, only a refreshing self awareness, openess and honesty.

[Daniel]

"There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it, you've gotta stand it." (from the short story)

The Five Stages of the Soul

"[Habituation] can be looked at as the polar opposite of the mindfulness and attentiveness which are the pillars of spiritual life."

Beauty: The Invisible Embrace

"So many people feel deep dissatisfaction and an acute longing for a more real life, a life where they could discover a different resonance, one which echoes their heartfelt dreams and longing."

"The sheep needed neither introduction nor persuasion, they simply gave in and became instant addicts."

"The magnificence of this Music of Eros consists above all in the fact that it is a profound engagement with the other side, [...] death."

"More often than not it is the inner beauty of heart and mind that illuminates a face."

Dissatisfaction and distinction, beauty and truth are not brought about by happiness but by discovery. Whether we go through life pursuing this discovery or as sheep addicted to life's pleasures relies very much upon the human capacity to live as one's heart dictates.

The beauty of love and romance, in part, is due to the natural opposition of death and life. Where there is hope, death cannot enter. There is open space between what we know and what we try to believe. But there is definitely something we can do. To take one step into that space: to wonder, to hope, to think, to believe, can immensely change a person's life from its drab, nonessential existence to a lively performance of play between soul and body, heart and mind. Whether or not this play resolves the situation is not important. What is important is that we not simply stand the situation and do nothing to resolve our pain and anguish.