A collection of clever rhymes

[southendmd]

From Sondheim's "Follies":


From the depths of her interior
Were fears she was inferior
And something even eerier
But no one dared to query her
Superior
Exterior.

(And also this:)


Lucy is juicy
But terribly drab.
Jessie is dressy
But cold as a slab.
Lucy wants to be dressy.
Jessie wants to be juicy.
Lucy wants to be Jessie
And Jessie Lucy.
You see, Jessie is racy
But hard as a rock.
Lucy is lacy
But dull as a smock.
Jessie wants to be lacy,
Lucy wants to be Jessie.
That's the sorrowful precis.
It's very messy.
Poor sad souls,
Itching to be switching roles.
Lucy wants to do what Jessie does,
Jessie want: to be what Lucy was.

[southendmd]

From David Yazbek's "Dirty  Rotten Scoundrels":


Would ya look at that coffered
ceiling,
Look at that chandelier.
Excuse me but how I'm feeling
IS a hundred-proof.
I could raise the roof.
I'm so happy to be here.
I've been kind of missing
Mom and Daddy,
Sort of in a spin since Cinncinatti.
The morning flight, a major bore
But then they open the cabin door
And zut alors-
Here I am!

Lord knows I had the will
And the resources
But Mom and Dad kept saying
"Hold your horses."
I guess those ponies couldn't wait-
Pardon me folks but
They've left the gate
I may be late, but
Here I am!

Ah,
The way to be, to me, is French
The way to say "La Vie" is French
So here I am, Beaumont Sur Mer, a
Big two weeks on the Rivier-a.
If I'm only dreaming
Please don't wake me.
Let the summer sun
And Breezes take me.
Excuse me if I seem jejune,
I promise I'll find my marbles soon

But everywhere I look
It's like a scene from a book.
Open the book and
Here I am!

I mean
The air is French
That chair is French
This nice sincere Sancerre is French
The skies are French
The pies are French
Those guys are French
These fries are French!
Pardon me if I
Fly off the handle,
No place else on earth
Can hold a candle

So, Veni Vidi Vici, folks
Let's face it,
Je suis ici, folks!

Excusez-moi
If i spout-
I'm letting my
Je n'sais quoi out.
I'm sorry to shout but
Here I am!

[serious crayons]

And from the same article, Anne of Cleves sings: ?Now I?m not saying I?m a gold digger, but check my prenup and go figure.?

Kanye West, 2005:

Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger
(When I'm in need) But she ain't messin' with no broke n***as

[serious crayons]

When I took my son out for his birthday dinner last week he wanted to get churros for dessert and we sang the
blue-highlighted part below:

Gone, 2005

OTIS REDDING SAMPLE
Wished I had told, was the only one (uh-oh)
But it's too late, it's too late
She's gone

KANYE WEST
You sweat her, and I ain't talkin' 'bout a Coogi
You a big L, and I ain't talkin 'bout Cool J
See me at the airport, at least twenty Louis
Treat me like the Prince and this my sweet brother Numpsay
Brother Numpsay! Groupies sound too choosy
Take 'em to the show and talk all through the movies
Says she want diamonds, I took her to Ruby Tuesdays
If we up in Friday's, I still have it my way

Too late, we gone, we strivin' home
Gone, I ride on chrome
It's too late

Y'all don't want no prob' from me
What you rappers could get is a job from me
Maybe you could be my intern, and in turn
I'll show you how I cook up summer, in the winter
Aaron love the raw dog, when will he learn
Caught somethin' on the Usher tour he had to "Let it Burn"
Plus he already got three chil'run
Arguin' over babysitters like, "Bitch, it's yo' turn!"
Damn 'Ye, it'd be stupid to ditch you
Even your superficial raps is super official
Are-are-are-Roc pastel with Gucci on
With TV's in the ride, throw a movie on
Said he couldn't rap now he at the top with doobie long
Cause the dookie's on any song that they threw me on, gone

We strivin' home, gone
I ride on chrome
We strivin' home, gone
Killa, I ride on chrome


CAM'RON
Knock knock, who's there
Killa Cam, Killa who
Killa Cam, hustler, grinder, gorilla true
Oh my chinchilla blue, blue you ever dealt with a dealer
Well here's the deal ma we goin' to the dealer
No concealin', no ceiling I don't need a roof
Act up, get out, I don't need you poof
Poof, be gone, damn tough luck dag
Dag, niggas still doin' puff puff pass
Pull the truck up fast and I tell 'em
Hey, back in a touched up Jag, shit
Y'all niggas want Killa Cam, cerebellum
An old man just goin' tell 'em (Too late, he, gone)
Then I see how y'all gonna react when I'm (Gone)
My last girl want me back then I'm on
Fine stay, you got the grind hey
Came back, read what the sign say (Too late, he, gone)
Yes I know you want to see my demise
Yeah you church boy actin' like a thief in disguise
Ain't leavin' my side, see the greed in my eyes
Ask Abby y'all hustle for a week to the Chi, shit
And that ain't leavin' alive, please believe me
Gave Weezy a piece of the pie, and
You can ask George or Regina
The whole Westside I explore with the Beemer now
We strivin' home, I ride on chrome
Listen homeboy move on
That's your best bet, why's that

CONSEQUENCE
I been pourin' out some liquor for the fact that my pal's gone
And tryin' to help his momma with the fact that her child gone
And since we used to bubble like a tub full of Calgon
Guess it's only right that I should help her from now on
But since they got a foul on, what coulda' gone wrong
Now they askin' Cons, how long has this gone on
And maybe all this money mighta' gone to my head
Cause they got me thinkin' money mighta' gone to the feds
So I ain't goin' to the dread, but he'll go on up to bed
And when I came the next mornin' he was gone with my bread
And with that bein' said, I had gone on my instincts
And gone to the spots where they go to get mixed drinks
But lookin' back now shoulda' gone to the crib
And rented "Gone With the Wind, " cause I'da gone about 10
But I had gone with my friend, and we had gone to the bar
And heard a nigga talkin shit so I had gone to the car
And now the judge is tellin' me that I had gone too far
And now we gone for 20 years, doin' time behind bars
And since I gone to a cell for some petty crimes
I guess I gone to the well one too many times, cause I'm gone

KANYE WEST
I'm
Ahead of my time, sometimes years out
So the powers that be won't let me get my ideas out
And that make me want to get my advance out
And move to Oklahoma and just live at my Aunt's house
Yeah, I romance the thought of leavin' it all behind
Kanye step away from the limelight, like, when I was on the grind
In the "One, Nine, Nine, Nine"
Before, model chicks was bendin' over or
Dealerships asked me Benz or Rover, man
If I could just get one beat on Hova
We could get up off this cheap-ass sofa
What the summer of the Chi got to offer an eighteen year old
Sell drugs or get a job, you gotta play gyro
My dog worked at Taco Bell, hooked us up plural
Fired a week later the manager count the churros
Sometimes I can't believe it when I look up in the mirror
How we out in Europe, spendin' Euros
They claim you never know what you got 'til it's gone
I know I got it, I don't know what y'all on
I'mma open up a store for aspiring MC's
Won't sell 'em no dream, but the inspiration is free
But if they ever flip sides like Anakin
You'll sell everything includin' the mannequin
They got a new bitch, now you Jennifer Aniston
Hold on I'll handle it, don't start panickin', stay calm
Shorty's at the door 'cause they need more
Inspiration for they life, they souls, and they songs
They said sorry Mr. West is gone[/i][/b]

[southendmd]

From Li'l Wayne:

"Safe sex is great sex, Better wear a latex Cause you don't want that late text, That "I think I'm late" text"

[southendmd]

From "Hamilton":

Lock up ya daughters and horses, of course It's

Hard to have intercourse over four sets of

corsets

[southendmd]

Also from "Hamilton":

Thomas Jefferson, always hesitant with the President

Reticent--there isn't a plan he doesn't jettison

Madison, you mad as a hatter, son, take your medicine

Damn, you're in worse shape than the national debt is in!

[Jeff Wrangler]

From "Hamilton":

Lock up ya daughters and horses, of course It's

Hard to have intercourse over four sets of

corsets

From Oklahoma!

The farmer should be sociable with the cowboy
When he rides by and asks for food and water.
Don't treat him like a louse, make him welcome in your house.
But be sure that you lock up your wife and daughter!

[southendmd]

What a wonderful idea!

Some of the words here may be a stretch, so you may feel this doesn't count, but the rhyming lyrics to "Brush Up Your Shakespeare," by Cole Porter, from the musical Kiss Me, Kate, are classic.

https://www.themusicallyrics.com/c/530-cole-porter-lyrics/7643-brush-up-your-shakespeare-lyrics.html

(Porter would probably have written the line as "Now I'm not sayin' I'm a gold digger, but check my prenup and go figger."    )

One of my favorites! Especially his rhyming "heinous" with "Coriolanus"!


The girls today in society,
Go for classical poetry,
So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
Aeschylus and Euripides.
One must know Homer and, b'lieve me, Bo.
Sophocles, also Sappho-ho!
Unless you know Shelley and Keats and Pope.
Dainty debbies will call you a dope.
But the poet of them all
Who will start 'em simply ravin'
Is the poet people call
The bard of Stratford-on-Avon.

Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
Just declaim a few lines from Othella
And they'll think you're a helluva fella.
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer,
If she fights when her clothes you are mussing,
What are clothes? Much Ado About Nussing.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.

Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
With the wife of the British embessida
Try a crack out of Troilus and Cressida,
If she says she won't buy it or tike it
Make her tike it, what's more, As You Like It.
If she says your behavior is heinous
Kick her right in the Coriolanus.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.

Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
If you can't be a ham and do Hamlet
They will not give a damn or a damnlet.
Just recite an occasional sonnet.
And your lap'll have honey upon it.
When your baby is pleading for pleasure
Let her sample your Measure For Measure.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.

Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
Better mention The Merchant Of Venice
When her sweet pound o' flesh you would menace.
If her virtue, at first, she defends well,
Just remind her that All's Well That Ends Well.
And if still she wont give you a bonus
You know what Venus got from Adonis!
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.

Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
If your goil is a Washington Heights dream.
Treat the kid to A Midsummer Night's Dream.
If she then wants an all-by-herself night
Let her rest ev'ry 'leventh or Twelfth Night.
If because of your heat she gets huffy
Simply play on and Lay on, Macduffy!
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.

Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
So tonight just recite to your matey,
Kiss me, Kate. Kiss me, Kate. Kiss me, Katey.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they'll all kowtow.

[southendmd]

Another Porter fave from "Kiss Me, Kate": 

"Why Can't You Behave?"  I love the line "If the Harris pat means a Paris hat".


Oh, Bill,
Why can't you behave,
Why can't you behave?
How in hell can you be jealous
When you know, baby, I'm your slave?
I'm just mad for you,
And I'll always be,
But naturally

If a custom-tailored vet
Asks me out for something wet,
When the vet begins to pet, I cry 'Hooray!'
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
I enjoy a tender pass
By the boss of Boston, Mass.,
Though his pass is middle-class and notta Backa Bay.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
There's a madman known as Mack
Who is planning to attack,
If his mad attack means a Cadillac, okay!
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion,
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.

I've been asked to have a meal
By a big tycoon in steel,
If the meal includes a deal, accept I may.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
I could never curl my lip
To a dazzlin' diamond clip,
Though the clip meant 'let 'er rip,' I'd not say 'Nay!'
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
There's an oil man known as Tex
Who is keen to give me checks.
And his checks, I fear, means that sex is here to stay.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.

There's a wealthy Hindu priest
Who's a wolf, to say the least,
When the priest goes too far east, I also stray.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
There's a lush from Portland, Ore.,
Who is rich, but sich a bore,
When the bore falls on the floor, I let him lay
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
Mister Harris, plutocrat,
Wants to give my cheek a pat,
If the Harris pat
Means a Paris hat,
Bebe, Oo-la-la!
Mais, je suis toujours fidele, darlin', in my fashion,
Oui, je suis toujours fidele, darlin' in my way.

From Ohio Mister Thorn
Calls me up from night 'til morn,
Mister Thorn once cornered corn and that ain't hay.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
From Milwaukee Mister Fritz
Often moves me to the Ritz,
Mister Fritz is full of Schlitz and full of play.
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.
Mister Gable, I mean Clark,
Wants me on his boat to park,
If the Gable boat means a sable coat,
Anchors aweigh!
But I'm always true to you, darlin', in my fashion
Yes, I'm always true to you, darlin', in my way.