Wow Phillip!
I am so glad I stumbled on to this thread!
I just sw the movie last monday so I am still in phase one.
It's hard to work or interact with my family. I feel like I m walking around in a fog. I haven't cried this much since my grandma died 13yrs ago.
Thanks for posting this I'm getting a grip on my grief but I'm havinga hard time deciding what to do next.
Yes, these are all familiar symptoms.
In stage one, most people just want to learn as much as they can about the film and the story, learning all the details and understanding all of the nuances and meanings. Usually, people don't try to figure out what they want to do next until they first understand what they just saw and what parts of their own life the movie is touching. I spent at least ten days just absorbing as much as I could, and wanting to be around others who were going through the same thing so I could learn what they learned or saw.
It's like putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. You are not going to be able to do it in just a day.
For some of us, not having that emotional waterfall washing over us a year out is something we sort of miss now, but I suspect it's the intensity of the emotions we miss. Sometimes life-changing moments come during the "kick in the pants" periods (something I also call a 'moment of clarity' when everything starts to click.)
Everyone responds differently and feels something different. Some just have empathy for the characters - none of the situations in the film resemble their own lives. Others are dealing with the sexuality issue. For me it was the procrastination and not committing to making a life change and seeing what the potential results of that could mean down the road. Some others have adopted a rescue mentality - they wanted to be essentially in the film knocking heads together and waking up the two of them: that sense of trying to grab hold of the power to change something in the face of utter powerlessness as the film moves forward.
What made me contemplate starting BetterMost wasn't to focus exclusively on the characters. Ultimately, they are fiction. To dwell upon the actors and the story alone misses the point. There are real people (maybe in some ways ourselves) living these lives right now. The goal here is to finish the story in your own life, or perhaps even help others in finding a path to a better life.
It's a process, as you've discovered. Certain feelings you have right now will pass and you will miss them for their intensity. But hopefully positive momentum in your own life will replace them. Unfortunately, I promise that's going to be more subtle and it probably won't feel as amazing as the film's initial impact, but it's ultimately far better. It reminds me of the relationships I've watched a lot of my friends get into. You have that early infatuation phase where all you think about is that other person. You can't think about anything else. In time, however, those feeling subside and you begin to get some normality back into your life. Some of my friends always mistake that loss of intensity as being the equivalent of "the thrill is gone/the feelings aren't the same anymore" and they actually break up with their girl or boyfriend. What they don't recognize is the building of a subtle foundation in their lives as part of that relationship, upon which so many other things can now be built. It's the foundation that will potentially last for your entire life, but they don't see that because it doesn't come in the same emotional package as the infatuation did.
For me, Brokeback is a lot like that. The infatuation is over, but the incredible foundation it has now laid has made so many other things possible, from the amusing new interest in western and country music, to the interest in the life and culture of that region of the country, to the fact I've stopped missing opportunities and have taken a lot more chances than I've done in the past. And I've met a ton of great people online here as well, and those friendships that are built go beyond the film and now are, more and more, part of a great new community.
It's a great journey to be on, no matter when you start!
