Author Topic: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign  (Read 3229 times)

TheStudDuck

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The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« on: April 09, 2006, 06:28:56 pm »
My father is a closet homophobe.

Ever since I saw the film back in January and I proudly displayed Brokeback Mountain wallpaper on the family computer and talked of how I need to see it over and over and over again, I've heard strategically placed comments about the film from him.  It is never titled "Brokeback Mountain" -- it is instead titled,  >:( "Bareback Mountain"  ::)  *look of disgust* ... and sadly, "the gay cowboy movie" is not his phrase of choice.  It is instead, "the movie about the faggot cowboys."

He doesn't bombard the comments... again, they are strategically placed... they are subtle and they sort of fly under the radar.  He tries his damnedest to make them sound as if they are just harmless jokes and whatnot, which I'm almost positive stems from the fact that he secretly believes I am a closet homosexual.

He's always seemed very... worried... about the fact that I hate sports.  And that I spent several years volunteering with community theatre productions.  And that I love chick flicks like Titanic, The Bridges of Madison County, Terms of Endearment, Sleepless in Seattle, etc.  I think he's one of those stereotypical products of 1950s America that had his heart set on his only son going out for football and to be so pumped full of testosterone that he'd be borderline rapist.

Instead he never got that... instead he got me... the guy who writes poetry and watches Brokeback Mountain obsessively.  I think he's worried by things like that.  And considering the era that he is from and how he is the closest you could come to a stereotype of a "macho man," it's hard to blame him -- but I still do, nonetheless.

Anyway, to get to my point... I've finally decided that I want to start my campaign to get him to watch Brokeback Mountain.  Primarily because it isn't people like us that need to see the film... it is people like him.  People that have to refer to it as "Bareback Mountain" ::) to help them not deviate from their security perimeter.  People that use the word "faggot" and think it's okay.

I'm just trying to come up with some sort of plan as to how I would like to do this.  It's going to be a long battle, I assure everyone of this.  It's going to take a lot of time before he allows himself to sit down with it -- or at least that is what I am anticipating.  And I don't want to go about this in a "chicken with his head cut off" kind of way.  I'm very sensitive to the fact that this is something he doesn't understand and has never understood... and thus, I shall be sensitive with this subject matter.

Luckily, I have my mother on my side (sort of)... she has seen Brokeback Mountain (and read the story) and has liked both of them.  Not loved.  But liked.  *shrugs*  I'll take it -- especially from someone who can't go a day without watching FoxNews.  But now it's dad's turn.  And this will take some work.

My first plan was to go through mom... get her to sort of plug it here and there... "you know, that movie surprised me, it's actually really, really good" -- you know, things like that.  Just to peak his interest a little bit.  Get him thinking, "I wonder what the fuss is all about."  And I've pitched this idea to her today... I asked her to try to get him to watch it.  She laughed and said, "hahaha, I dunno about that."

My next plan would be to plant a copy in his room on top of his DVD player... so this way it could just sit there and he could stew with it and see it lying there all the time until he just broke down and watched it -- of course, without anyone knowing.  It'd be nobody's business but his.  However, the downside to this plan is that I would have to suck it up, bite the bullet and abstain from my Brokeback Mountain addiction for however long it takes him to break down and watch it.  Which could -- literally -- be months.

He doesn't watch movies that often... and so it takes some pressure to get him to watch movies that he actually thinks he will like -- point of fact:  he still hasn't seen the third Lord of the Rings film, despite the fact that he loved the first two.  And I own two copies of each installment... so it's not like they are unavailable to him.  So you see, this Brokeback Mountain campaign is going to be very difficult.  Very, very difficult.  But I'm determined to get him to watch it.

Does anyone have any thoughts about how I should handle this?  All input would be greatly appreciated.

David Thomas

vkm91941

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2006, 06:41:01 pm »
Good for you.  I agree wholehearted with enlisting your Mom...Tell her she doesn't have to beat him over the head with it, or even bring it up herself.  Just pop the comments like "you know, that movie surprised me, it's actually really, really good' in after HE makes a Bareback of faggot movie crack.

She could also try the tact that the remarks he makes about it are hurtful to you.  You're Dad's not the kind of guy who'd go out of his way to hurt your feelings is he?  If not, that could help too.

Third can you talk to him, explain to him what it is you like about it just to plant the seed...so that when he see's it just laying around he'll be even more intrigued to see what it is that interests his son so much?

He sounds a lot like my oldest brother, a real tough sell....#1 bro still has not seen it....and believe me I've tried.  Even bought him the DVD.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2006, 07:20:43 pm by vkm91941 »

Offline cmr107

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2006, 07:18:19 pm »
I wish you the best of luck in this campaign. Having never encountered homophobia at home like that, I don't think I'll be much help, but this is what I have to offer: If you plant the DVD in his room, if he's that much against it, what's to stop him from just giving it back to you or putting it in your room, or even getting mad at such a bold step?

I agree with Victoria's comments too.

TheStudDuck

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2006, 07:30:50 pm »
I wish you the best of luck in this campaign. Having never encountered homophobia at home like that, I don't think I'll be much help, but this is what I have to offer: If you plant the DVD in his room, if he's that much against it, what's to stop him from just giving it back to you or putting it in your room, or even getting mad at such a bold step?

I agree with Victoria's comments too.

Well again... his homophobia is so under the radar... he doesn't do it blatantly like most huge jerks, but it's there and you know it's there.  I would imagine if I planted the DVD in his room, it would play out along the lines of... him just waiting for it to be gone.  It would sit there and sit there and he would just refuse to watch it and wouldn't even acknowledge its existence.  It would be dead to him, so to speak.  And he would just let it sit there until it was gone.  That's sort of how the dynamics work in our family... I can't really explain it further than that.  Nothing is really put out in the open.  Everything just kind of moves around under the rug.

So confronting him, as Victoria suggested, about what I like about it and how it hurts my feelings when he makes those comments... yeah, that's pretty much out of the question.  It's pretty pathetic, actually.

It's actually really a suicide mission... I mean, it seems pretty hopeless that I will ever get him to watch it.  An update, however, my mother let me know that yesterday he expressed interest in seeing Master and Commander again -- so I may put my entire movie collection on hold to him and just not let him watch anything until Brokeback Mountain is watched.  "You want to watch Master and Commander, eh?  I'll tell you what, you watch Brokeback Mountain and you can watch Master and Commander again.  Muahahaha."

Offline Impish

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2006, 07:51:33 pm »
What about appealing to his sense of masculinity?  Something like "I'm amazed that you're afraid of a movie" or in a light-hearted way "stop being such a wuss: it's only a movie!"

Or telling others in his earshot similar things... "my Dad is scared of a movie, can you believe it?"

Don't know you or your Dad of course, and such a tactic wouldn't work at all for some.  Still, there are others who can deal with teasing of this sort....

Just a thought.
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Offline YaadPyar

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2006, 08:05:40 pm »
Ummmm - yeah.  Tricky stuff.  What NOT to do?  Show him your "I think it moved" post.   

:o ;D :o ;D
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Offline delalluvia

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2006, 08:53:15 pm »
What about appealing to his sense of masculinity?  Something like "I'm amazed that you're afraid of a movie" or in a light-hearted way "stop being such a wuss: it's only a movie!"

Or telling others in his earshot similar things... "my Dad is scared of a movie, can you believe it?"

Don't know you or your Dad of course, and such a tactic wouldn't work at all for some.  Still, there are others who can deal with teasing of this sort....

Just a thought.

These are great riposts to your dad's oh-so-passive-aggressive jabs about BBM.  He can poke fun at the movie - and at you subtly - and you can do it right back.

But all in the same kind of 'fun' he's feeding to you, right?

Offline littledarlin

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2006, 09:08:02 pm »
i think you should challenge him.  the next time he makes a joke about it, call him on it, and challenge him to watch it.  if your dad is anything like half the guys in my family, that's all it takes.  even if they wanted to watch it, they never would, all they need is an excuse.  i.e. my girlfriend dragged me, i didn't know what it was about, i put it the wrong dvd, etc etc

i'm going to convince my dad to watch it, he's the same way.  he watches movies all the time, and even has decent taste, but the very thought of watching bbm doesn't register with him.  i'm just waiting for him to bring it up, so i can do as i suggested above.  i am gay though, and my dad knows it, but he is not ok with it.  i really think the film can change peoples minds when they're like that.  they just automatically fear what they don't understand, and seeing a movie made by straight people, with straight people, will ease the blow to their ignorance. 

anyway, good luck, and i think it's great you're doing this.  it's guys like you that restore my faith in the straight male population   :)
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Offline starboardlight

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2006, 01:33:54 am »
I wonder if it might help to relate the relationship between him and your mom to that of Ennis and Jack. Drop a comment like, "seeing how much Jack was willing to give to Ennis, kinda made me think of how you and mom have really loved each other." or something like that. Maybe the idea that it's about love, not just about "faggots" will intrigue him.
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Offline starboardlight

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Re: The --"Dad, You Should Sit and Stew with This"-- Campaign
« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2006, 01:36:03 am »
It's actually really a suicide mission... I mean, it seems pretty hopeless that I will ever get him to watch it.  An update, however, my mother let me know that yesterday he expressed interest in seeing Master and Commander again -- so I may put my entire movie collection on hold to him and just not let him watch anything until Brokeback Mountain is watched.  "You want to watch Master and Commander, eh?  I'll tell you what, you watch Brokeback Mountain and you can watch Master and Commander again.  Muahahaha."

ha ha. or maybe just hand him the Master and Commander box with the BBM disc inside. "Oops, did I put that there by mistake?"
"To do is to be." Socrates. - "To be is to do." Plato. - "Do be do be do" Sinatra.