Author Topic: Would you have lasted 20 years?  (Read 6975 times)

Online serious crayons

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Re: Would you have lasted 20 years?
« Reply #40 on: February 07, 2007, 11:00:59 am »
Geri, thanks for sharing your story. The bright side of it is that it sounds like you learned from that experience to do things differently from then on. The saddest mistakes are the ones we keep making, but it's not always easy to see them while they're going on. One of the hardest lessons to learn, IMO, is that if you're in love with someone and you're not getting what you need from them ... well, then you're not getting what you need from them! And any relationship that makes you more sad than happy isn't worth it. If you can live by that, lucky you.  :)


Marge_Innavera

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Re: Would you have lasted 20 years?
« Reply #41 on: February 07, 2007, 11:12:18 am »
Here's my $.02 --

IMO it's easy for that kind of disillusionment to creep up on you - on Jack specifically in BBM.  After all, he and Ennis are still only 23 or 24 when the reunion takes place and they decide to start meeting for "fishing trips."  And when you're in your early 20s, the notion of meeting your lover for romantic trysts in scenic wilderness areas packs quite a lot of romantic appeal. That seems to change right after the divorce/truck scene, and arguably Jack should have given Ennis an ultimatum at that point. There are fanfics where he does and that's a turning point, and IMO the writers are using some good instincts there.

But again, it's so easy and seductive to keep thinking "one more year, one more meeting and maybe things will change." That happens in hetero extra-marital affairs where one partner (usually the woman, though not always) likes the aspect of intrigue at first and then later keeps telling (her)self that the other person is going to divorce their spouse and leave them free to marry; "just six more months" and than "just another year." 

That even happens in marriages, where the participants should have called it quits years ago but keep holding out thinking that their memory of how good it was at the beginning will become a present reality, just give it a little more time. To be honest, I'm not sure if I could have lasted 20 years but it's possible. Whether it would be worth it, that's another question.

Online serious crayons

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Re: Would you have lasted 20 years?
« Reply #42 on: February 07, 2007, 11:26:22 am »
That even happens in marriages, where the participants should have called it quits years ago but keep holding out thinking that their memory of how good it was at the beginning will become a present reality, just give it a little more time.

Well put. In other relationships as well as marriages -- if it has been good in the past, it's tempting to think it can be that way again, even if clearly things have soured, probably permanently. (With Jack and Ennis, I think it is less a matter of souring than of staying on permanent status quo.)

Offline Penthesilea

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Re: Would you have lasted 20 years?
« Reply #43 on: February 07, 2007, 12:46:57 pm »
I think we have to take into the equation their time and place (like in most other regards of this movie). It's crucial.

What would have been the alternative for them? It's easy (well, at least easier) to quit an unfullfilling/unhappy relationship when you have at least theoretical alternatives. And even then it's hard, see Arad's story.

But for Ennis and Jack? What else could have been for them, if not each other? For Ennis, I'm sure there never could have been any alternative to Jack. The alternative for Ennis was what he was left with at the end of the movie: nothing but being all alone and desperate.

And for Jack?
Randall? What do we know about him? Next to nothing. Had he been willing to share a life with Jack? We don't have any clues, except that Jack spoke about a neighbour fella to his father. But cruel as his father was, he was not completely wrong: Jack had spoken of bringing Ennis to LF for years and years - but nothing happened. Mexican prostitutes? Not halfways an alternative to what he shared with Ennis. Hoping to meet someone else? Well, how secure was Jack in his sexuality, what inhibitions and shortcomings did he have? We tend to concentrate on Ennis's shortcomings, demons, fears. But Jack had also his issues.

Then think of the mere chance to meet other gay men in their time and place. I don't think LF or Childress had a gay bar at that time. Maybe go to Denver, like he supposed in the story. But would he have divorced Lureen, separated at least partly from Bobby, left the convenient life in Childress only for the vague possibility to meet someone else some time in Denver or any other bigger town? I think not.
He didn't do that for the chance to live more near to Ennis, for the chance to meet him hopefully more often, for the hope Ennis might come around eventually (btw, no accusation here, just stating the facts). Therefore I'm sure he wouldn't have done it (leaving his live in Childress) for less than that.

Would they have been able to give their lives a new direction, to start fresh with a good chance to find happiness without each other? Ennis clearly not and I think the same is true for Jack. The main reason I haven't even mentioned yet: because their love for each other was true and deep and mutual.

So having only a bit of the one you love, having only a few weeks of happiness a year was better than to have nothing.

Offline brokebackjack

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Re: Would you have lasted 20 years?
« Reply #44 on: March 28, 2007, 09:55:18 am »
yes.

I lasted longer. Just got married in January, took me 30 years to do it. When I told Annie Proulx her eyes popped, I'm serious lolololol.
"I couldn't stand it no more so i fixed it"