Author Topic: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm  (Read 36322 times)

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #60 on: March 03, 2007, 03:33:42 pm »
Hey, C*!

I''m back.  Scarfed that chapter right up the first time - and then went back and savored every word - the only way to really do your words justice. 

You mentioned once that humor was new to you as a writer - wow - I can't believe that.  The dialogue flows so naturally . . .  it's obvious that our boys haven't just gotten under your skin, they've taken residence in your brain as well!   :)  Ennis and his crazy, "dirty joke" fruit cocktail - is that just so Ennis, or what?   :laugh:  Ya know, I love this balance to their relationship - this give and take, the many levels.  Ennis views himself as the protector - Jack allows him this; Jack is in many ways more worldly - but he knows and respects the intelligent, thinking man behind Ennis's humble demeanor.

I loved this:

. . .hefty log they were sharing, an ancient fallen limb, large and craggy, a permanent fixture of their preferred campground, having resided in that spot for as long as Ennis could remember.

How perfect -  permanent, timeless, created by God.  A physical representation of their love - and why all of this -

drove Ennis to a primal place, ancient and primordial, primitive and pure,  . . .

the primal meeting the spiritual… . . .

filling the sky with a resonating joy so few ever come to know. . . .

Unable to speak, powerless to stop, Ennis gripped tighter, wanting Jack’s cry to become part of his thrashing soul, willing the piercing howl to be absorbed into his very limbs, as they soared together, clinging in concert, two desperately fervent bodies reaching a mutual overriding release.


 - just had to happen exactly there.  Damn, you're good.

I probably won't be able to resist going back and reading again.   :)  Thanks, as always.

Love ya back,
Marie

P.S.  Re Ennis's ominous feelings - can't wait to see where that is leading . . . I won't even hazard a guess - not with a writer of your caliber!  :)





Marie,

Thank you so much, sweetie.
I always look forward to your comments. 
You are so kind and generous, and thorough.    :)

And you make me feel so comfortable in certain areas that I previously questioned...like the humor.    :)   LOL   But it's just so easy to write the banter for our boys. 

Yes, they are under my skin, in my brain, in my blood...in every pore.  I try to joke about how they won't quit talking to me...only...it's really not a joke.   lol   That's how it really is with characters that are so completely alive.  I haven't experienced any type of 'block' or slowing down of the dialogue in my head since I started writing these stories three months ago.  If anything, I just wish I had more time, so I could get the words out faster.    ;)   My brain keeps jumping ahead, faster than I can type.  I already know what I'll be writing for  '72, '76, '79...and beyond.   

I just need to find a way to be independently wealthy, so I can write my 'add-ins' full time.     ;)    hehehe

You are just so incredible with the feedback, even with the drabbles.  :) 
I love all of your comments and insights on those too. 

I used to question my ability to pack a punch in 300 words or less.  But every time I write a drabble now, and get your feedback, I just smile for the rest of the day.   :)

Thanks so much.
I appreciate all your time and thoughtfulness.  :)

I'm going to cut and paste your beautiful comments on Part 4 over to my LJ, so I can read them again in conjunction with the other comments.  Hope you don't mind if I do this.  Sometimes, I re-read the comments when I'm working on the next chapter.  It helps me to 'feel' where people are emotionally with my story.   :)

Love ya, sweetie.

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #61 on: March 03, 2007, 06:39:07 pm »

I'm going to cut and paste your beautiful comments on Part 4 over to my LJ, so I can read them again in conjunction with the other comments.  Hope you don't mind if I do this.  Sometimes, I re-read the comments when I'm working on the next chapter.  It helps me to 'feel' where people are emotionally with my story.   :)

Oh, cut and paste away!  :)  Next time I'll post them in both places!   :)

Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #62 on: March 03, 2007, 07:11:46 pm »
Oh, cut and paste away!  :)  Next time I'll post them in both places!   :)

Marie

Thank you, sweetie.   :D

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #63 on: March 08, 2007, 02:39:23 am »
NEW   CHAPTER   POSTING


“Warmest Week of the Year” – Part  5  (Sequel to “Pine Creek”)


“Warmest Week of the year” picks up after “Pine Creek.”
This story is another one of my canon ‘add-ins,’
taking place in May 1968. It is the account of
the first five-day fishing trip after the
initial reunion takes place in September 1967.

“The two men sat that way for a minute more, maybe two, not sure why, but not wanting to move just yet. Their combined breathing became the only sound in the tent, the nearby horses the only noise in the camp, as they sat for a while longer, lost for a spell in a strange new moment…a moment that required nothing more than this.”


http://haunted-by-bbm.livejournal.com/5484.html#cutid1


Comments more than welcome and appreciated!


Thank you!


C*
« Last Edit: March 08, 2007, 02:43:18 am by haunted_by_bbm »
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #64 on: March 08, 2007, 01:40:15 pm »
NEW   CHAPTER   POSTING

“Warmest Week of the Year” – Part  5  (Sequel to “Pine Creek”)


 :D :D :D :D

I know what I'll be reading tonight!

Thanks, C*
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #65 on: March 08, 2007, 02:27:26 pm »

 :D :D :D :D

I know what I'll be reading tonight!

Thanks, C*
Marie


;)   Happy reading, Marie.     :)

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #66 on: March 09, 2007, 01:55:33 pm »
Cross-posting:  :)

Hi, C*!

.  .  . I was looking forward to reading this all day! As I was reading, I was noticing how distinct each of your chapters are from each other. It's like each one has it's own rhythm and tempo - but they all come together in a beautiful melody.

Ennis is such a deeply sensitive soul - he takes so much on his strong shoulders. I don't know what hurt me more - seeing Jack in such pain - or seeing Ennis watching Jack in such pain. But I was comforted by knowing that Ennis can soothe Jack, in fact ONLY Ennis can soothe Jack, as only Jack can soothe Ennis. This little moment:

“Thank you,” Jack persisted, whispering, leaning forward, laying his head on Ennis’ right shoulder, while letting his right hand come up to stroke Ennis’ left cheek. “Thank you, cowboy.” ...

was just exquisite in its tenderness.

You elevate their lovemaking- it just seems so right that it takes place outside - private and belonging only to them, but yet open and free. Closed off from the eyes of man, but open to the eyes of God and at one with the elements.

Loved the humor, as always! Now that's the way to bathe while camping! LOL!!! And I sure am glad we came full circle, back to Ennis's dream!

Thanks so much, C*!
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #67 on: March 09, 2007, 04:04:36 pm »
Cross-posting:  :)

Hi, C*!

.  .  . I was looking forward to reading this all day! As I was reading, I was noticing how distinct each of your chapters are from each other. It's like each one has it's own rhythm and tempo - but they all come together in a beautiful melody.

Ennis is such a deeply sensitive soul - he takes so much on his strong shoulders. I don't know what hurt me more - seeing Jack in such pain - or seeing Ennis watching Jack in such pain. But I was comforted by knowing that Ennis can soothe Jack, in fact ONLY Ennis can soothe Jack, as only Jack can soothe Ennis. This little moment:

“Thank you,” Jack persisted, whispering, leaning forward, laying his head on Ennis’ right shoulder, while letting his right hand come up to stroke Ennis’ left cheek. “Thank you, cowboy.” ...

was just exquisite in its tenderness.

You elevate their lovemaking- it just seems so right that it takes place outside - private and belonging only to them, but yet open and free. Closed off from the eyes of man, but open to the eyes of God and at one with the elements.

Loved the humor, as always! Now that's the way to bathe while camping! LOL!!! And I sure am glad we came full circle, back to Ennis's dream!

Thanks so much, C*!
Marie

Hi Marie,   :)

You've joined the ranks of the  "cross-posters,"  just like me.   lol    ;)

Thank you so much.
So glad you enjoyed this chapter.    :)
Writing the pain and the reaction to the pain was very palpable for me.
I was almost doubled-over and wincing through most of it.
I'm really glad Ennis' care and concern came through as strongly as I wanted it to.   :)

And as always, so glad you enjoyed the humor. 
Although I do wonder if there are any men reading my story who took offense to the "not needing any soap for just five days comment."   LOL    ;) 

Take care, sweetie.
See you next time.

C*   

"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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An Unexpected Update...
« Reply #68 on: March 13, 2007, 12:54:25 am »


Unexpected Update


I won’t be able to post Chapter 6 of “Warmest Week of the Year” this Thursday as previously planned.  I have run into a very unexpected
medical situation. 

I’ve had a very unusual day…waking up with double vision, passing out in the shower, and then spending seven hours in urgent care.  I’ve been diagnosed with VBI – Vertebro Basilar Insufficiency.   

I’ve attached a link below that explains it a little better than I can, but in short, something is compressing the three major arteries of the neck and head, suppressing blood flow, and cutting off oxygen to the brain.
 

http://www.surgerydoor.co.uk/medical_conditions/Indices/V/vertebrobasilar_insufficiency.htm


I’m home at the moment, but I’ve been scheduled for additional x-rays and blood work tomorrow, an MRI on Wednesday, and an MRA on Thursday.   Although the doctor is fairly certain of the diagnosis, at this point, I have absolutely no idea what is causing it. 

I have to keep this brief.  My vision is still so blurry; I can barely see my monitor. 

A quick but very heartfelt thank you, again, to everyone who has been reading my stories.  I have thoroughly enjoyed writing them, as well as receiving all the wonderful, insightful comments.  If I missed responding to anyone with Chapter 5, I promise I will do so as soon as I am able.  Chapter 6 will be posted just as soon as I am able to do so as well.  It is largely written at this point, so I’m hoping it won’t be long at all.  I’m certainly expecting a positive outcome and quick return.  I truly have no idea at this point what is causing this problem.   

Maria and Amber, I will email you both as soon as I am able.

And Janice, I told you once, that you didn’t have to worry about taking a chance on me, because once I start writing a story, the only way it wouldn’t be finished in a timely manner is if I had passed on.  Well, I’m still here.  Just going to be detained for a few days.  So sorry.   ;)

Thank you, everyone.  I’ll be back just as quick as I can.


Cristine   
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #69 on: March 13, 2007, 12:18:10 pm »
Oh, Cristine - how frightening for you.  I'm so sorry you're going through this, honey, and you know we'll be sending many prayers and good wishes your way!

How sweet of you to let us know.  Take care.

Hugs,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain