Author Topic: My Own 1st Year Anniversary With That Film - Your Site Founder Speaks Out  (Read 6554 times)

Offline Phillip Dampier

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One year ago today, I saw Brokeback Mountain at the Little Theatre, a non-profit art movie house in the city of Rochester, New York for the first time.  The film had actually been running for at least a month, but the concept of a gay cowboy film, as it was alluded to in the popular press, wasn't exactly something to make me run to the nearest theatre.  My primary interest in the film came from Jake Gyllenhaal's appearance, because his performance in Donnie Darko was so intriguing to me.

Of course, I had no idea what the experience would do to me in the days, weeks, months, and now year later.

I recall leaving the theatre stunned, but the real emotional fireworks display would occur the following morning while standing the shower pondering what happened the night before.

I'm sure for most of you the stages of coping with this film have been somewhat similar.  And for those of us who saw it a year ago, we're glad to help be there for those who just have discovered this film for the first time on a premium movie channel or DVD.

The biggest impact this film had on my life was to stop missing opportunities in my life to meet a challenge head-on, work through it, and succeed.  Allowing life to pass you by hiding from challenges because you don't believe enough in yourself to make it a success, or just putting it off day after day, only leads you to stand 20 years later staring at the equivalent of a postcard tacked to a closet door realizing if you knew then what you are living now, you'd swear to do it differently if you had a chance.  BetterMost was born from that impact.  I didn't start this site to simply be another fan base for people enamored with every aspect of the film.  There were great sites already out there doing that.

Instead, my mission was to create a site that would provoke people to follow the advice of Annie Proulx - finish the story in your own life.  Stop missing opportunities, stop believing you can't change what you think you just gotta stand, stop thinking more about what you can't do and start realizing what you are capable of doing.  Use the emotional impact of this film - the tears, the feeling of being stunned or paralyzed, and the insatiable need to learn what every frame of the film and every word of dialog meant, as a way to provoke change in your own life.  For many most impacted by Brokeback Mountain, they saw something of themselves in Jack and Ennis.  For others, they want a world where nobody should have to live their lives hiding from who they are.  Whatever the reason, you are at risk of losing the emotional energy this film can bring if you remain focused solely on the story itself.  The tidal wave you felt after you left the theatre the first time could easily just wash slowly back out to sea.

As BetterMost reaches its first anniversary in just a few short weeks, I've asked all of our administrators and moderators to rededicate themselves to evolving this small town community we've built together to ensure that this site is always moving forward - letting you share more of yourselves with the rest of us, making new friends and being there to help support one another.  Together, let's make certain that 20 years from now, we'll never have to swear we would have done it all differently if we just had another chance.

Thanks for being a part of BetterMost.  Your continued commitment to this place has done for me what I hope we can do for you - prove you CAN fix it and you don't have to just stand it.

Phillip Dampier
Founder, BetterMost
You're a part of our family - BetterMost, Wyoming

Offline SFEnnisSF

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I'm just speechless...  Wow.  Thank you Phillip, for everything, including this post!

Eric

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Bravo Phillip! As long as we can ride it...there ain't no reins on this one!
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Offline Kelda

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Phillip, I wish I was so eloquent with my words. I'm nearing the 1000 post club now... after nine months on the site. And some day I hope to have a post count as big as Jess's - i think that may be a long way off though!!!
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Offline Meryl

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Phillip, thank you for putting it into words so well.

Quote
The biggest impact this film had on my life was to stop missing opportunities in my life to meet a challenge head-on, work through it, and succeed.  Allowing life to pass you by hiding from challenges because you don't believe enough in yourself to make it a success, or just putting it off day after day, only leads you to stand 20 years later staring at the equivalent of a postcard tacked to a closet door realizing if you knew then what you are living now, you'd swear to do it differently if you had a chance.

Not believing in myself and putting things off day after day---that describes me to a "T".   Ironically, spending many hours on the computer every day has perpetuated this behavior in myself.  Still, the good things I've gained from being here will stand me in good stead as I wean myself away a bit.

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Stop missing opportunities, stop believing you can't change what you think you just gotta stand, stop thinking more about what you can't do and start realizing what you are capable of doing.

I've tended to think that the "finishing the story in your own life" maxim didnt really apply to me, not being gay or interested in starting a relationship.  But what you've said here applies to every person, myself definitely included.  Thanks for the wakeup call.

Quote
Thanks for being a part of BetterMost.  Your continued commitment to this place has done for me what I hope we can do for you - prove you CAN fix it and you don't have to just stand it.

Maybe as BetterMost goes forward, this should be our motto:  You CAN fix it and you don't have to just stand it.  :)
Ich bin ein Brokie...

Offline SFEnnisSF

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Maybe as BetterMost goes forward, this should be our motto:  You CAN fix it and you don't have to just stand it.  :)

I would like to amplify this statement.  :D

Offline MaineWriter

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Phillip,

Thanks for sharing your story. As I approach my 13 month anniversary of seeing the movie the first time, and relive my repeated veiwings in the theater in my mind (by this time last year, I had seen it four times), I am continually reminded of what I need to do to move forward, take hold, take charge, move on. I actually have always been good at this but I realized I was moving forward with the same old, same old...Brokeback gave me the vision to branch off in different directions. BetterMost is one of those directions and I am so grateful for finding this community and making friends with so many wonderful people here.

Thank you, Phillip, for all you do for us, and for our community. It means more than you will ever know.

Leslie
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Offline Katie77

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Of course, I had no idea what the experience would do to me in the days, weeks, months, and now year later.

I recall leaving the theatre stunned, but the real emotional fireworks display would occur the following morning while standing the shower pondering what happened the night before.


Reading this, brought back the memory of how I felt myself, when I walked out of the theatre after my first viewing....thinking I was the only one in the world who felt that way, wondering what the hell had happened to me, even thinking I was a little crazy for letting a movie possess my like it did.


Instead, my mission was to create a site that would provoke people to follow the advice of Annie Proulx - finish the story in your own life. 

Before I had ever heard or read that advice of Annie's, and just from the impact of the movie, I set out to "finish", or rather, "retrace" a journey in my life that started back in the 50's, when my father "came out" and went to live with his male partner.....His story, and my connection with it, had come to an abrupt end when he died over 20 years ago....seeing the movie, made me realize there was a lot of "unfinished" issues, and so I set out to make contact with those that could help me complete his story, and finally understand more about my father.

Unlike you, I was drawn to the movie just by what I had read about it, and I watched the papers constantly for news of when it would be released in my town, and was at the first showing of it....I had no idea of the story line, except for the fact that it was "about two cowboys, who fall in love".....I actually had a vision of it being set in the wild wild west days....so the story, the time setting and the characters hit me like a ton of bricks, it was so close to my own Dad's era.

"Finishing" the story in my own life.....no....I like to think of it more like, "continuing" the story, re-establishing the story of my life, which I do now, with more compassion and understanding, and it all came about, because of this wonderful story.

Thank you, for having the foresight to realize that people like me, and all the other Brokies, were going to need a forum like this, to express our thoughts, meet new friends, and guide us along this road of discovery....I honestly dont know what I would have done without it.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: My Own 1st Year Anniversary With That Film - Your Site Founder Speaks Out
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2007, 02:21:48 am »
   I too would like to second the notions of the rest of the voices here.
This site has been a godsend to me.  I have found a new direction
in my life. I have found a source of information and friends that i do
not know how i would have ever found otherwise.  You are moving
the forum along and continuously making it new and interesting.  I
love the fact that you allow all the members to have full access to services and the information available here.  I believe it is a unique
place in cyberspace.  I think i will only become a face for the future.
It wil be a blueprint for the future sites that imitate it.  I am so blessed
by having this in my life.  Thank you and hope that you have an entirely
joyous new brokeback year.                                 janice



     Beautiful mind

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Re: My Own 1st Year Anniversary With That Film - Your Site Founder Speaks Out
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2007, 05:25:55 pm »
Happy anniversary, Janice!!
"chewing gum and duct tape"