Welcome

[Phillip Dampier]

[This was originally posted in our Ladies Forum, which was discontinued May 31, 2006, and merged into our Open Forum -PMD]

On the suggestion of BBMGrandma, BetterMost brings you a ladies-only forum for people to discuss the film and moving beyond it.  She will be moderator of the forum, and as I am a guy, I'll turn things over to her from this point.

Right now every registered user can see this forum, but as a courtesy to its theme, if fellow guys would join me in posting in other BetterMost forums and honor the theme of this one, that would be great.

If you have an idea for a new forum you would find a useful addition to BetterMost, just let me know.  It's not at all difficult to get one launched here.

[BBMGrandma]

Hi Gals.....WOW....Philip has somehow lost his mind and made ME moderator of this subject.  Be careful what you wish for.... I humbly accepted his offer and HERE I am!!  and I HOPE...here YOU are too!!
 But seriously....I'm a 67 year old grandma...<if you haven't met me before> hetero...and I'm so aware from emails I've gotten from other 'Brokeback Mountain Broads" that I thought this would be a good place for us to wrench out our emotions that we're experiencing so very deeply. 
I, for one...have been impacted in every aspect of my life by this most wonderful book/movie.  Brokeback has taken me places I'd LONG forgotten.  Memories that HURT....that make me QUESTION....that make me SMILE.  A vast array of emotions that somehow have grabbed me by the gut....and spun me around like a TOP!! 
I waver between wanting to 'mother' Ennis and Jack and/or wanting to kiss those soft sweet lips in an unbelievably amorous encounter.  It's totally confusing to me.
 One of the most deeply felt collisions I have had in my lifetima was falling deeply in love with a gay man.  I was so in love with him.  The WORLD turned on his smile.  His laughter...his caring....his thoughtfulness.  He was my HERO!!  Well....I had this half baked idea that I could 'change him'.  This was in the late 60's...and I was totally ignorant about homosexuality at that time.  A babe in woods...was I!!  We made wonderful...passionate...desperately sweet love and then he would disappear for days at a time.  <ahhhh...Jack>  I knew where he was going and yet I hung in there anyway....pining and wishing. <ahhh...Alma> I finally realized that my love for him just wasn't what he needed. .  <ahhhh...Ennis>  We finally opened up to each other and realized that we were hurting each other...tremendously.  Off he went into a wonderful relationship with his new 'partner'  I accepted it completely and was happy for him. In fact....all these years later he's STILL in my life....as my dearest and most loving friend.  And for that I am everlastingly grateful. 
Soooooo....this movie has truly impacted my life.  TRULY!!  It's also resurrected other lost loves in my life.  All those 'coulda's....woulda's...shoulda's.  REGRETS that have been dangling inside my soul and heart. 
So....welcome ladies....<and men if you're so inclined to post here> 
Please feel free to 'let it out' and share with those of us who are feeling all those same heartaches and puzzlements over this emotional upheaval called Brokeback Mountain!!!

Nancy 

[donnaread]

Thanks Nancy, and thanks to Phillip for giving us heterosexual women the chance to have others like us to talk to.  Don't know what this movie has done to us, but like you I am torn between my compassion for the characters Ennis and Jake, and the very strong sexual attraction I feel for Jake and Heath.  I'm 56 years old and my own son will be 30 next week  , and I also have a daughter who is 24, so she's Heath and Jake's age.  Of course I can't get either of them to go to see the movie with me...my son would be too embarrassed and my daughter said she does't think she can stand to see Heath kiss another man, lol.  I've talked so  much about it though, I think my son will watch it on DVD, and I know my daughter will be too curious NOT to watch it!  I have a nephew my daughter's age who is gay, and they grew up very close...in fact my daughter is getting a divorce, and my nephew has moved in with her "again" they've done this off and on since they were both out of high school.  Every time my daughter and her husband would separate, my nephew moved in with her.  Can't get him to go watch the movie with me either, maybe he's embarrassed, too.

OK, does anyone know the answer to this question?  Why doesn't the movie make me
cry?  I get a tear in my eye every now and then, but usually all I wind up with is a knot the size of Wyoming in my chest.  The last time I went to see the movie, there was more kleenex on the floor in the theater than popcorn.  Myself,  I have not been able to eat anything while watching it.  The first time I saw it, I brought candy and it stayed in my purse...since then I haven't even bothered.  I think if I could have a good "cry" about it I'd probably feel better.

Also ladies...there are some nude pix of Heath shot by the papparazi when he was doing the scene jumping into the river.  Just go to google and type in Heath Ledger nude  .  Too bad they got a body double for Jake...he was off the set for two weeks at the time.  Jake is the one I find so gorgeous,

So, thanks again Phillip and Nancy, this is going to be a great forum.

Donna

[juneaux]

 I, too, am a heterosexual female.  I'm 38 and have never been married (although I do live with someone).  Although I'm still not sure why this movie resonates with me as much as it does.  After seeing it the first time I immediately purchased the book.  I've paid for many of friends to see this movie and have been disappointed ~for lack of a better word~ that it didn't touch them as it did me.  This movie makes me want to make changes.  Changes in myself and in the world.  I do have gay/lesbian/ and transgendered friends and empathize with the social plight they experience.  Is this because I'm Black or because I'm  a Pieces or because I'm a woman?  Who knows?  Like BBMGrandMa, I want to protect these characters from the cruelty of the "real world."   Making the world a more tolerable place is the only way I can think will achieve this.

PS Nancy, the only time I *didn't* cry when watching this movie was on Feb 14th with my partner.  He held my hand for the last half hour.  Then, again, I cry at ceratin commercials...

[BBMGrandma]

Good day to you Juneaux

It's so nice to see you here.  I loved reading your post and I SO agree with you.  Tolerance...mixed with some our 'Brokeback Mountain' love and caring...would INDEED make such a beautiful world for us ALL to be proud of.  It may not happen in MY lifetime<I'm a LOL of 67>  but I'm convinced that a sturdy foundation can be built....with the kind of people we have in here...working on it!!
It may sound a little bit corny....but if we ALL held hands...we'd imbue that love into each other's hearts and souls.  Let's all get working on it out there....folks!! 
Nancy
http://www.courierpostonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060219/SJMAG/602190336/1004/LIVING    Here's a great article I picked up recently.  ENJOY!!!

[juneaux]

Thanks for sharing the article.  I liked it.  Part of me has given up of figuring out why "Brokeback got me" and has just accepted that it has. 

By the way, just name the time and the place and I'll be there to hold hands with you and the world.

Thanks,


J.

[Lynne]

I am so glad this forum is here - I am deeply grateful for its existence, for knowing that I am not alone in this place I find myself.  I've been getting my 'brokeback fix' by perusing the imdb message board, but this feels like a much more loving safe place in general to be.

In the way of introduction, I am a 37-year old single (divorced) female from Tennessee.  I lived in the Boston area for 8 years.  I work in the software industry.  I try to care for my mother who is in very poor health.  I have seen the movie 12 times.  My goal is 17 before the DVD release.

I am having similar experiences as I've read others describe.  The best way I know how to articulate it is that I feel like my heart was shattered then reformed and BBM has seeped into the cracks, filling them.  This movie just works for me on so many levels.  Any friends I've lassoed into seeing this film either 'like it' or 'love it', but they don't get the devastation, the obsession that I am feeling.  Sometimes, when I look in the rear-view mirror, I see Ennis left behind in the road.  When I leave my cubicle to go down the hall to a meeting, I notice that my stride is similar to Jack and Ennis walking to the bar in step the day they meet.  Ad infinitum.  I even see my father in Ennis (divorced parent loving his daughter in the 70's, trying to relate to her, but not quite getting there).  You should have seen the look on Dad's face when I told him this :-)

At any rate, I want to be leading my authentic life, that life I envisioned when I was an optimistic 19 year old.  To that end, I made a list of the ways who I am now differs from who I want/wanted to be and I want to consciously work on fixing it.

I am looking forward to meeting everyone here as we go on this journey together.

-Lynne

[BBMGrandma]

Dear J....you're very welcome and we've been holding your hand from the moment you arrived here.  If part of you has accepted the BBM upheaval....what has the OTHER part of you done?   
And if we can ALL someday take a sojourn to our 'mountain' I'll be the first to mumble at ya...."Brokeback got us good...huh?"   

Nancy

part of me has given up of figuring out why "Brokeback got me" and has just accepted that it has. 

By the way, just name the time and the place and I'll be there to hold hands with you and the world.

Thanks,


J.

[juneaux]

That is why I'm on this site.  Trying to DO something positive because the how BBM made me feel.  Like Lynne I believe that this is a safe place to explore these things.

I guess the "other" part of me is still hoping that what in my subconscious became inexplicably attached to this movie will reveal itself so that I understand my bond to BBM.  Obsession is not something that is normal for my personality.  I had found myself challenging the opinions of those who merely liked the movie. Usually I'm a "everyone is entitled to their own opinion/ every opinion is valid"  type of person.  This was NOT the case in Dec/ Jan.  (After my first viewing it made my heart ache just to think about the film and was personally offended when others though it was over-hyped.)  Luckily, I'm out of that stage.  Now I wonder if I've replace my obsession with the film with the reason(s) as to why it "got me". 

J.

[BBMGrandma]

   Now I wonder if I've replace my obsession with the film with the reason(s) as to why it "got me". 

J.

Dear J...
Perhaps you have...and I kind of think that's the next step in this puzzle.  Did you read Philip's 'Fives stages of Grief and Acceptanice'?  It's somewhere on this forum.  I wish I could figure out how to put it in here...but I'm not sure how to do that yet.  It's a great 'read' and it sure helped me to undesrtand what I was going through....and made me feel SOO good that I wasn't alone in these feelings. 
A FEW times I've actually gotten angry with people who criticized Brokeback.  Now I've learned to ease up....and just 'let em be'   It's easier on ME that way...!!!   AFter all...I'm sure I wouldn't be able to change their minds...anyway. 

Nancy

pssssst...Philip...could you direct J....to the "Five stages....."?