Author Topic: Kerry's Komedy Klub  (Read 1190763 times)

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #340 on: May 04, 2007, 08:06:10 pm »

 ::) 8) ::)
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline fritzkep

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,858
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #341 on: May 04, 2007, 08:10:25 pm »
"Birdie, birdie in the sky,
Why'd you do that in my eye?"

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #342 on: May 04, 2007, 09:57:53 pm »
Huntin' Bears

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big black bear.

The black bear said "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex."

Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered.

Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder.

He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"


Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #343 on: May 05, 2007, 11:59:52 am »
A nun catches a ride in a taxi. As the taxi is going along, the nun notices that the cab driver keeps looking at her in the rearview mirror.

She says, "What is it my son?"

The cabbie replies, "Oh, I'm too embarrassed to say, sister."

She says, "Please, feel free to say anything, I've been a nun for many years and not too many things surprise me anymore."

The cabbie says, "Well, I've always had this fantasy of getting a blow job from a nun. I'm sorry sister, I feel so ashamed."

"That's OK my son, I know well the needs of the flesh. I will do it on two conditions: one, that you are Catholic and two, that you are not married."

The cabbie says, "Yes on both conditions!" So they drive around the corner to a spot where the nun takes care of the cabbie.

As they continue on their way, the nun notices the cabbie is crying.

She says, "What's wrong, my son?"

He says, "Sister, I lied. I'm Jewish and I'm married!"

She says, "That's okay. My name's Steve and I'm on my way to a costume party!"


 :o  So Busted
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #344 on: May 06, 2007, 01:07:28 am »
Top Ten Jerry Falwell Pet Peeves About TV

10. Angels Shouldn't Go Around "Touching" Anyone

9. Mister Rogers' sissy loafers.

8. "Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane" are lesbian, gay, gay and lesbian.

7. Bastards at MTV didn't even look at my "Road Rules" audition tape.

6. If you don't pay the bill on time, Playboy channel gets all fuzzy.

5. Fox won't even consider "World's Wildest Baptism Accidents"

4. History Channel only presents negative aspects of Spanish Inquisition

3. I'm busting my ass on public access while some joker in a glass church is getting Super Bowl numbers

2. Why don't Scully and Mulder "do it" already and get it over with

1. Dick Van Dyke
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #345 on: May 06, 2007, 01:49:27 am »
New light dog food campaigne







Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #346 on: May 06, 2007, 07:01:14 pm »
I get alot of lawyer jokes... ::)

People Really Said These Things In Court  
 
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q:You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
 
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #347 on: May 07, 2007, 12:07:16 am »
I'm afraid I've got to agree with Grannie on this one....does Red need a referral to a good Opthalmologist or is she just plain gullible...

Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #348 on: May 08, 2007, 02:59:34 am »
The Top 13 Reasons Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay
Author Unknown

 

1. Fonzie: has an "office" in the men's room and always tells guys to "sit on it."

2. If you're drunk enough, "Homer Simpson" sounds kinda like "homosexual."

3. Popeye: Vegetarian. Bodybuilder. Dresses like one of the Village People. "Girlfriend" has no visible breasts. You connect the dots, Chester.

4. Batman & Robin: They caress a bust, which reveals a pole that they wrap themselves around and slide down which strips them of their clothes and puts them in rubber suits and... Okay, maybe Falwell's got something here.

5. Alex Trebek: Lives with his mom and knows *way* too much about Broadway Musicals and potpourri.

6. "Shhhh, be vewy vewy wightous! I'm hunting a naked opewa-wuving wabbit!"

7. Will from "Will & Grace": Not because the character is openly gay, but because if he were straight, he'd go by "Bill" and smoke cigars.

8. That Peter Jennings character on "ABC World News Tonight" is thin, neat and obsessed with the sex life of a guy named Bill.

9. Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble: Fur house dresses? C'mon!

10 Check the reruns closely: Woody lives up to his name whenever Norm walks into the bar.

11. The letters in "The Teletubbies" can be rearranged to read, "He bites eel butt."

12. "Dr. Quinn, Lesbian Woman"

 and Number 1 Reason Jerry Falwell Thinks Your Favorite TV Character is Gay...








13.  David Hasselhoff: 147 episodes of "Baywatch" with nary an erection.



Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #349 on: May 08, 2007, 08:12:31 am »

γνῶθι σεαυτόν