The Question of Time: What Was Life Like in 1963?

[Phillip Dampier]

This thread comes from another discussion in this forum and it is something that is of interest to me.  I was born in April 1967.  I honestly have only the vaguest recollections of "culture and society" starting around the mid-1970s, and really didn't deal on any deep sense of my sexuality until the early 1980s came rolling around, so the time and era of Jack & Ennis' rural Wyoming is a complete mystery to me, although I can make educated guesses about the culture of America back then, mostly gleaned from television shows of the era.

I would like to hear from people older than myself about how sexuality was dealt with in society when Jack and Ennis first met, particularly because that was a few years before I was even born.  For people younger than me who have asked me about what life was like in the 1970s and even into the 1980s, it's bizarre because it doesn't seem like -that- long ago to me.

My assumption is that homosexuality would not even be broached in a school setting, so any notion of what "queer" was must have come from pop culture and talks with friends.  But I wonder how aware the average person would be about homosexuals back in the 1960s.  I can't imagine such things were ever referenced on radio and television beyond some generic "sexual deviant" label, if it was mentioned at all.

In a rural setting, I assume it would be even less likely to come up.

Would two guys living together automatically be assumed to mean they were gay?

For me, I had no clue people like Paul Lynde or even the guy who brought us "Madame" on 70s television were "gay," much less Liberace.  But then, I honestly had no clue about how people actually had sex until my 6th grade health class, when it was read out in front of us.  I can still remember being honestly shocked by the notion - I had no idea beyond the vague descriptions given in one of those ABC Afterschool specials which were mega-controversial then (and didn't even come right out and explain it) and probably would pass on a South Park episode as quaint today.  The entire notion of being gay was something I didn't even deal with in any way until high school.

Reagan era attention to homosexuality in pop culture was a handful of movies like The Boys on the Bus which terrified me because I resembled nobody in it, the Making Love film which seemed more tuned to someone in a straight relationship dealing with coming out issues (and I wasn't with anyone at that time), and a pile of AIDS movies.  Things improved in the 1990s.

I think some additional insight would be useful to everyone.

[BBMGrandma]

Dear Philip....

Well....love....I AM 67 and the 60's are very vivid in my memory.  Whew!!!  I remember in my high school....there was a girl in my class....<two....in fact> who were BUDDIES!!  Us gals always thought they were 'odd' but had NOT a clue that perhaps they were lesbians.  In retrospect I am SURE they were/are...but we had NO names to give them.  Our only point of reference in those days  <the 50's> were off handed comments we would sometimes hear from our parents...!!  Comments such as...'Girlie men....'  'Nancy men....'  or just  WEIRD!!  <my name....btw is Nancy....which TOTALLY confused me>  I would rush to the dictionary and look up my name...only to find it was a city in France.  I never EVER heard the word 'homosexual' or 'lesbian'.  It just wasn't a word anyone used. 
In 1960 I enrolled in hairdressing school...in SF!!!!!  WELL.....what an introduction I HAD to the gay world.  I immediately became fast friends with my fellow students.  I was SO very straight and ignorant...it was unreal.  I was introduced to cross-dressers, homosexual gay lifestyles, bi-sexuality, and every other aspect of this 'new world'   It was totally mind boggling.  I enveloped myself in these folks...!!  I EVEN wound up helping my cross-dressing gay friend as he got dressed for going out on the town.  We exchanged clothing.  It was a NEW WORLD I had discovered and I adored it.  My friends were shocked beyond belief that I would embrace these folks as friends.  It just wasn't DONE in those days.  People would steer clear of anything remotely resembling the gay lifestyle.  I remember taking my Auntie to Finocchio's nightclub to see a beautiful show filled with female impersonators.  .  She suggested that I needed a psychiatrist and that I was a VERY troubled individual. 
I got very ill one time....and was raising my son as a single mom.  GUESS who came to my rescue during that time?  You got it!!  My gay pals.  They would take my son to his baseball practices....they brought me food....they cut my son's hair when it needed....they came over to clean my house.  Not ONE of my straight friends did anything close.  They called and would ask if I needed anything.  My gay friends didn't call...they just DID IT!!   My parents were enraged that I would trust my son with 'those people'     I never gave in to anyone's pressure.  My gay pals and I remained friends for many MANY years.  In fact....one of my dearest gay pals died two years ago.  HOW I mourn...losing him. 
Anyway....Philip...it was NOT an easy time to be gay...in America. 

[Front-Ranger]

Seeing the film and reading this board has made me realize that our culture has changed so much since the 1960s. Coming of age in the 1960s was a strange, schizophrenic experience, especially in the midwestern part of the U.S. That's where and when I'm from. On the one hand, conformance was the goal, but on the other hand, the Kinsey report had just been published, and it shocked the midwestern bedrock to its core.

Then came the student rebellion and rejection of the prevailing mores. As a college graduate in a medium size midwestern city, I was part of a crowd of young people whose lives seemed to be put on hold. There were no good jobs, so I fell in with fellow waiters and other service people as well as artistic types. We were, as Kinsey called it, "polymorphously perverse"--there were male couples, female couples, and mixed couples as well as people who played the field, "open marriages," and everything in between. For a while, I enjoyed having a gay lover, and he was just as functional in every way as straight lovers I had known.

It all came crashing down when this mysterious disease later called AIDS developed. It seems like the U.S. became much more puritanical after that. In some ways, Brokeback Mountain brings back the attitudes of the 1960s and 1970s for me, both the feeling that anything is possible between two people no matter who they are, and also the crushing repression of the homophobic conforming midwestern culture.

[strazeme]

I'm 61, about the same age as Ennis.  Grew up in rural Iowa.  As a gay guy, I was horribly isolated and alone.  Didn't even know I was gay, just that I was different, and had to assume I was the only one in the world.  While I didn't have the horror of Earl and Rick, I got clear messages of waht was acceptable, what was expected.  But I was so, so alone, could't even talk to anyone.  So I bottled up everything, didn't dare get close to anyone, especially not other guys.  What if I should slip up and impulsively give some guy a pat, or hug ... or that kiss I needed so much. 

[Phillip Dampier]

Seeing the film and reading this board has made me realize that our culture has changed so much since the 1960s. Coming of age in the 1960s was a strange, schizophrenic experience, especially in the midwestern part of the U.S. That's where and when I'm from. On the one hand, conformance was the goal, but on the other hand, the Kinsey report had just been published, and it shocked the midwestern bedrock to its core.

And it's all totally missing for people like me.  I was born in 1967 and I think my earliest memories of culture/society were around the time Nixon was headed out to the helicopter for the last time.  Growing up in the 1970s meant hanging out with the last vestiges of the Woodstock culture which was seeming to die out with the end of the Vietnam War anyway, but I distinctly remember teenagers teaching us young folks about the peace sign and 'love not war' as concepts.  The 70s were very confusing to me because things were changing very quickly.  I recall in the mid-late 1970s the whole disco movement was in full force.  A scary part of that was going into Aeropostale, a clothing store, in one of the earliest malls in our area which was terrifying because it was all colored spots, strobe lights, pounding music, and black painted walls in there.  We had a local disco here that was evidently shaped like a 747 aircraft which I heard about second-hand (obviously).  Jimmy Carter and John Denver were interchangeable to me growing up.  Everything was back to nature and country-living back then.  I finally became culturally aware during Reagan's first term as president.  Culture shock.

It all came crashing down when this mysterious disease later called AIDS developed. It seems like the U.S. became much more puritanical after that. In some ways, Brokeback Mountain brings back the attitudes of the 1960s and 1970s for me, both the feeling that anything is possible between two people no matter who they are, and also the crushing repression of the homophobic conforming midwestern culture.

I think the whole Reagan "revolution" and backlash against what was seen as rapid change into a permissive society had a lot to do with it too.  When this country gets afraid of something, we tend to regress overtime.  We've seen it with terrorism these days as well.

[Phillip Dampier]

I'm 61, about the same age as Ennis.  Grew up in rural Iowa.  As a gay guy, I was horribly isolated and alone.  Didn't even know I was gay, just that I was different, and had to assume I was the only one in the world.  While I didn't have the horror of Earl and Rick, I got clear messages of waht was acceptable, what was expected.  But I was so, so alone, could't even talk to anyone.  So I bottled up everything, didn't dare get close to anyone, especially not other guys.  What if I should slip up and impulsively give some guy a pat, or hug ... or that kiss I needed so much. 

One of the things Ennis did which is quite common with people uncomfortable with themselves is suspect that everyone is looking at them or paying attention to what they are doing.  When you remarked about "slipping up" it reminded me of his fears that somehow people "knew."  In studying people and being open with them both before and during the time they got to know me, I have seen something very consistent - most people are truly oblivious about other people around them.  They just don't have a clue.  You are more likely to draw attention by loudness of voice or clothing than you are by being close to someone.

I got sick and tired of the whole bottled up thing when I was 19 and just decided enough was enough and forced myself to take on the world.  That means having to open up and trust people, even when some of them will burn you.  But ultimately, it works.  Nobody has the right to dictate the terms of our individual happiness.  Some people presume they have that right only because we indirectly grant it to them out of fear.  We're seeing that today in the culture wars in America.  As long as we grant ignorant people the right to tell us what is and is not appropriate behavior, they'll keep reaching for more.  We need to have the courage to tell them "no more."

[strazeme]

Phillip, I'm glad you were able to shake it off.  But for some of us, it's still there.  Fortunately, I no longer fear tire irons.  But my emotional shut-down has never started up.  I learned too well to protect myself by not feeling ... push it down and make it go away.  And now, Brokeback has acted like a giant can opener, taking off my lid like a can of beans.  This emotional opening has really overwhelmed me, and I'm not dealing with it very well.

[Aussie Chris]

Phillip, I'm glad you were able to shake it off.  But for some of us, it's still there.  Fortunately, I no longer fear tire irons.  But my emotional shut-down has never started up.  I learned too well to protect myself by not feeling ... push it down and make it go away.  And now, Brokeback has acted like a giant can opener, taking off my lid like a can of beans.  This emotional opening has really overwhelmed me, and I'm not dealing with it very well.

strazeme, many of us share with you a response to watching BBM along the lines you mention here.  Seriously, you are not alone.  I guess the extent of this impact is equal in intensity to exactly how far you'd shut down your emotions in the first place.  Eventually, the realisation hits us that this change was absolutely necessary, since protecting ourselves from the heartbreaks and dangers of life has also meant that we are prevented from experiencing the joys.  Another result has been that we have come together to help each other through this transition.  If you're feeling overwhelmed, we're here to help and support you.  Most of us simply need time to quietly reflect and come to terms with a heart that's now "working again".  Perhaps it would help to post some of the feelings you are experiencing in BetterMost?  Please keep in touch and let us know how we can help.

[BBMGrandma]

Dearest Straz...

Little old straight grandma here....and I went into such a 'shell' when I first experienced Brokeback...it was unreal.  That 'can of bean's' was SO very shut tight and I had NO idea how to open the lid.  I couldn't even share my shake-up with my therapist.  I was afraid she wouldn't 'get it' like I did.  When I finally gave her a little taste of what I was feeling...she listened...intently.  I STILL had to do a lot of explaining to her....about our story....the impact it had on every aspect of my life....how I was in SUCH turmoil emotionally.  It was a real challenge for both her and I!!!  Me...explaining...and her absorbing.  She finally GOT IT...and the 'beans' spilled out of that can!!  .and then I found this FORUM!!

  I swear it felt like the first time, as a child, I walked through the Magic Castle at Disneyland.  This WHOLE world opened up....magically.  I found hands to hold...hearts to listen....and friends to trust. 

I STILL....haven't spilled my guts on this forum...but I'm SURE gearing up to let it fly!!  Besides....<laughing here> Philip said....It's TIME!!     He, and all the other friends here...may WELL ask me to shut that can up...will ya?    

You've found US....Straz!!  This COULD be the 'can opener' for you too!!!  Stay with us here Straz....!!  Let US open that lid with you.  Let US hold out our plates for a serving of those 'beans' Let's sit around that campfire together...and share!!  Sharing may be a trite...overused word...but OH BOY....it SURE WORKS!!!

Much Love....Nancy   

[twistedude]

Some dry facts aboiut Wyoming in '63:

1) The zip code had just been instiututed, but nobody was using it yet. The big cities already had "Postal zone" codes (2 numbers long), and were loathe to give them ujp.  The appearance of the zip code on a postcard from Jack to Ennis (the double "honey" scenes) was about right. "73? '69? (guess the date of that trip is a bit up in the air).

2)They really fu**cked up the licence plates. "No automobile of any kind had a licence plate of more than 4 numbers and letters in 1963" (licence plate collector). The tructk that brings Ennis has 5 (plus the bucking bronco--which had been around at least since the '30s), and Jack's truck has 6...only Aguirre's car has the correct 4 digits.