Author Topic: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!  (Read 584223 times)

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #570 on: March 06, 2007, 06:52:21 pm »
Great drabbles today, I know this dosn't compare but here goes

December 10, 1977

Dear Daddy,

I am writing this letter to you because Momma said that you wont be coming back for a while.  Please Daddy, we need you to come.   Daddy why did you leave on Thanksgiving without saying goodbye to me and Jenny?  .  . .
.  .   .
Daddy what did you fight about on Thanksgiving?  Jenny and me ask Momma all the time but she says were too young.  But I’m not.  Was it something about your friend Jack the one who came to see you that day when me and Jenny were with you?  I hid one day and I heard Momma and Monroe talkin, somethin about your friend and Momma started cryin again.  Daddy why, I don’t understand.  But I don’t care. I thouht he looked real nice.
.  .  .
Daddy please come soon

Love,

Junior


I beg to differ also, Marl!  You've used one of my very favorite writing techniques - and so effectively!  Junior's (and Jenny's) need and love for their daddy broke my heart, but, at the same time, I couldn't help but smile at the purity and sweetness.  Kids always know more than adults give them credit for.

Thanks,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline Zander

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #571 on: March 07, 2007, 05:52:02 am »
OK here's my first little dip into this area of drabble

Ennis wiped his mouth and gradually raised himself off the cold bathroom floor; Alma sleepy and satisfied in the room next door would be wondering why he was taking so long “cleaning up”. It was still bad, but not as bad as that first parting.  Every time it was the same, the hot twisted tangle punctuated by Alma’s moans and at his climax seeing Jack’s face and then the unbearable pain, a pain that forced him to almost run to the bathroom and part with the contents of his stomach; how long could this go on he wondered?

Offline belbbmfan

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #572 on: March 07, 2007, 06:14:53 am »
hey Zander,

congratulations on you first drabble  :)

Poor Ennis, how terrible must he be feeling. 'A twisted tangle' it sure is.


Keep drabbling!
'We're supposed to guard the sheep, not eat 'em'

Offline MaineWriter

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #573 on: March 07, 2007, 07:43:58 am »
Hello friends,

Try these:

  • North Star
  • inky darkness
  • legs

L
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Offline Beatrice

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #574 on: March 07, 2007, 08:17:00 am »
I believe this one qualifies for today's prompts...



Temptation


He’s doin’ it again.

Hitching up stubborn just this side of unbreakable, Ennis scolded his mind to stay put. Had things to do, important things. Horses was needing him, needing watered and brushed.

Others needin’ aside from you, Jack fuckin’ Twist, so just keep on lookin’ at me like that.  Ain’t takin’ the bait this time. Not foolin ‘round today. Ain’t noticin’ those eyes. Or your legs, or that sweet mouth, or -

Blindsided, Jack hit the dirt with a thud. “What the fuck?”

“Shouldn’t be temptin’ me like that.”

“Just openin’ a can a goddamn beans!”

Ennis smiled.

“I know.”




B
"He was the refuge of my spirit, the sweet solace of my griefs...what more is there, then can I say? Was it not a foretaste of blessedness thus to love, and thus to be loved?" St. Aelred, from his eulogy for his lover, Simon.

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #575 on: March 07, 2007, 08:17:00 am »
hey Zander,

congratulations on you first drabble  :)
Poor Ennis, how terrible must he be feeling. 'A twisted tangle' it sure is.
Keep drabbling!

Let me second Fabienne's thoughts, Zander!  Love seeing new drabblers - and it's terrific to get such a huge emotional punch from a small amount of words. 

Thanks,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Scott6373

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #576 on: March 07, 2007, 09:09:31 am »
OK.  Another shot at poetry.



I am a ghost in the house of the living
I float up and down
I talk in disembodied voice
I stare through veiled eyes
I shed opaque tears of transparency.

Where is my pain
       In my legs
           my hips
           my body
                        No,
In your eyes.

You cope with
Me feeling helpsless
        to help you.
You race on wild legs
To finish the load
        of which I cannot lighten.
You remember me
From then
        my heart constricts in silence.

Our pain is not separate
Mine and yours
It crawls under the surface
Of the inky darkness

That was our wedding night.


(101 words)

Offline belbbmfan

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #577 on: March 07, 2007, 09:25:26 am »

He’s doin’ it again.



Nice one B! I love that 'again':)



'We're supposed to guard the sheep, not eat 'em'

Offline belbbmfan

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #578 on: March 07, 2007, 09:28:55 am »
OK.  Another shot at poetry.



I am a ghost in the house of the living
I float up and down
I talk in disembodied voice
I stare through veiled eyes
I shed opaque tears of transparency.

Where is my pain
       In my legs
           my hips
           my body
                        No,
In your eyes.

You cope with
Me feeling helpsless
        to help you.
You race on wild legs
To finish the load
        of which I cannot lighten.
You remember me
From then
        my heart constricts in silence.

Our pain is not separate
Mine and yours
It crawls under the surface
Of the inky darkness

That was our wedding night.


(101 words)

My pain in your eyes, a shot of poetry right to the heart...


Thank you Scott, that was very sad, but very moving too.
'We're supposed to guard the sheep, not eat 'em'

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #579 on: March 07, 2007, 10:06:31 am »
I believe this one qualifies for today's prompts...
Temptation
.  .  .
Others needin’ aside from you, Jack fuckin’ Twist, so just keep on lookin’ at me like that.  Ain’t takin’ the bait this time. Not foolin ‘round today. Ain’t noticin’ those eyes. Or your legs, or that sweet mouth, or -

B

Ya know, B, what's amazing about you? (among everything else  :))  Your TE Ennis is so Ennis and this canon Ennis is so Ennis - and, yet, they are distinct.  No matter where they are, you get to the essence of our boys.


OK.  Another shot at poetry.



I am a ghost in the house of the living
I float up and down
I talk in disembodied voice
I stare through veiled eyes
I shed opaque tears of transparency.

Where is my pain
       In my legs
           my hips
           my body
                        No,
In your eyes.

You cope with
Me feeling helpsless
        to help you.
You race on wild legs
To finish the load
        of which I cannot lighten.
You remember me
From then
        my heart constricts in silence.

Our pain is not separate
Mine and yours
It crawls under the surface
Of the inky darkness

That was our wedding night.


(101 words)

A tour de force, Scott.  Truly.  But you always manage to outdo yourself, so I should probably say "tour de force - for now."   :)  "You race on wild legs to finish the load of which I cannot lighten."  Shaking head . . .

Thank you,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain