Author Topic: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?  (Read 22020 times)

Offline nic

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2007, 12:10:11 pm »
......So much time together was lost over the 20 years that they were in their relationship that it's hard to even think about.
 :'(

But you are directed to thinking about it precisely because it's not show in the film.  We weren't subjected to scenes of one or the other morosely staring out of windows or into a bottle accompanied by a hideously obvious soundtrack effectively signalling to us "look, this central character is very sad!!" or whatever. 

As well as that tragic premise of loss, which it's clear to see is heartbreaking for all the main characters, it's the filling in of the masterful gaps by our own minds afterwards with our own spin on it from personal experience.   It is achieved in the short story by AP's sparse style & was so cleverly translated to the screen. Sheer genius, a benchmark of film-making of the highest calibre.   If it wasn't so well done & I didn't love it so, I'd be feeling manipulated!
Old Brokeback got us good and it sure ain't over

Offline saucycobblers

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2007, 01:44:39 pm »
Having felt the gut-punch of this film for over a year now, and having found no-one in RL to talk it over with (reactions ranged from complete disinterest, hating the film, liking it but not understanding my 'extreme' reaction to it), I had a surprising and lovely experience literally 2 days ago.

I was sat in the pub with some drama group buddies after rehearsal and was discussing films with a guy (who is gay) and he said, with no preamble, "Have you seen Brokeback Mountain?". Thereafter we had an enthusiastic discussion about which scenes made us cry and why, what our first reactions had been when watching it in the cinema etc, and I told him all about Bettermost as well. I'm going through a sometimes painful opening up process with people at the moment about many things I've kept locked away all my life, and that conversation really meant something because of that.

Things I've been spilling my guts about on this board are almost coming out in RL too and it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of some kind of emotional waterfall that I'm scared of but also wholeheartedly embracing as well - just in the nick of time before it putrifies inside me. This film has been part of that process. Like Scott, I cry because I see myself in that film, and now I tend to watch it when I need to unplug a dam I've bottled up and can't let forth any other way. BBM and 'The Bridges of Madison County' are both like emotional therapy for me. At first I needed to physically watch BBM, but now it's such an integral part of me that just thinking about it can sometimes have the same effect.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2007, 01:48:15 pm by saucycobblers »
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Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2007, 02:42:59 pm »
I said that "I wish I knew somebody that has been affected like me."

Wow! You kind people are just incredible!  I sure see that I am not alone now.  That is SO encouraging.  I just have to deal with the most difficult personal losses in my own life before I will be ready for the next viewing.  You all have shown me that it's OK to do that.  The hardest part about dealing with Losses is "You can't get back what you lost, ever!" so there must be some way to come to terms with that.  I, for now, am clueless!  But I've got a great therapist (who also loves the film) and you all here!  I can't express in words how grateful this 'loner' is!

BTW, the short story had exactly the same effect on me when I read it a few weeks before seeing the film for the first time.   As has been noted, they BOTH hit the same buttons!

Thanks ever so much!  :'(
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline saucycobblers

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2007, 02:59:39 pm »
I can't express in words how grateful this 'loner' is!

You might be a loner Patrick, but you're NOT alone! :)

BTW, the short story had exactly the same effect on me when I read it a few weeks before seeing the film for the first time.   As has been noted, they BOTH hit the same buttons!

I read the story between my first and second cinema viewings and it really intensified my reaction to the film. I remember sitting on the bus home after I'd just bought it and being so enraptured and busy trying to hold back the tears that I actually missed my stop!
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Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #14 on: March 17, 2007, 02:22:28 pm »
Definitely, you're not alone as the many kind and intelligent people here attest. Like yourself, I have not been able to pop the DVD into the player after 6 viewings - it has been almost two months since I have sat down to watch BBM, though there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it in some aspect. I feel that right now to 'force' myself to watch BBM would be like re-exposing myself to a trauma. It's ok to take a viewing break of BBM - and probably healthily recommended as well. It is incredible as many have described, the powerful emotional hold the movie has had on many of us. I hope you will feel comforted, as an earlier poster alludes, that despite past regrets we have the power to make better decisions and choices in our lives possibly as a result of BBM as the impetus of change. It's wonderful to come that realization. It's ok to continue grieving as well.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2007, 03:08:15 am »
It's ok to continue grieving as well.

That is what I needed to hear because I can't change anything until I grieve my losses.  It will take time & tears but it is so comforting to have people here who understand...

 :'(  br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline LauraGigs

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2007, 01:29:03 pm »
Patrick, honey, another thing I thought about:  have you thought about doing some kind of mission/charity work? Get outside of your mind a little bit — some new experiences, 'fresh air' for your psyche while you help others who are troubled too. And it doesn't have to be a 'people-person' kind of thing. Just be part of a home-building project, hammering nails and having something to show for your labors at the end of the day.

Sorry I'm rambling. But this might help a lot. My mom does that kind of thing and loves it.

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2007, 03:50:09 am »
have you thought about doing some kind of mission/charity work?

I lead the Bereavement Support meetings at church.  Several of us have put together a program to help people cope with their loss.  It's cathartic for me.  I also assist at funerals.  And there is a new neighbor in my building that definitely needs some TLC.  I help out as much as I can but I am severely limited because of my mental health.  I have been on Social Security disability for 10 years for Major Depression; chronic; with psychotic features. 

So, there are some times when I just have nothing to give.  That's OK now.  It used to make me feel worse.

 :) br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2007, 11:34:21 am »
I think that's awesome that you are getting out there and sharing your pastoral talents with the community as you are able. People with severe depression can often withdraw and abandon efforts to interact with the social world. Sounds like you are trying to make a difference and touch people's lives while you continue to heal. Blessings to you.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: What am I supposed to do when I know it's going to tear me up?
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2007, 02:12:54 am »
Blessings to you.

Blessings right back atcha!  In many ways Brokeback Mountain has been the greatest blessing in my life for it gave me the impetus to to work through layers of repression and truly experience LOVE  for the first time in my adult life.  I was raised by a mother who used love as a weapon to get me to do what she wanted.  So, I never learned any other kind of love except "conditional love" and I often did not please her and be 'good enough' to receive her 'love.'  The woman also was always sick and dying so it got to the point where I just didn't pay attention to her anymore.   Then on September 22, 1988, I went to visit her in the hospital and she died right in front of me! I have really never recovered because there was so much "unfinished business" with our relationship.  Although I haven't actively 'grieved' her death in many years, I sure understand what that feels like and am able to share coping skills I have learned with others who have lost a loved one.  I have been on meds and therapy ever since my mom died and if ONE person can avoid what happened to my grieving process because of my understanding of what they are going through, then I feel blessed for being a conduit of healing love.   (That's happened many times.)   Thanks ever so much for caring...

peace & blessings :)
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin