Sacrilege

[Jeff Wrangler]

Is it even possible to "dream" above your station in life?  I don't think so.  Being a Fashion Designer is something that was very within your Aunt's reach as a young woman if it was something she really wanted. 

Was it, though? I think sometimes it's possible to have a dream, but if you don't have any idea how to take the first step to realize the dream, or anyone to encourage you or help you on that first step, maybe that dream stays a dream.

[injest]

Was it, though? I think sometimes it's possible to have a dream, but if you don't have any idea how to take the first step to realize the dream, or anyone to encourage you or help you on that first step, maybe that dream stays a dream.

thank you Jeff.

I wanted to go to college. But I had no idea how to even start...my mother wanted me to quit high school and I had to be out by June of the year I graduated. So she was no help...and facing the prospect of finding a job and a place to live....college was the last thing on the list....

[Front-Ranger]

I thought Jack DID lower his expectations after the divorce debacle. And he stayed with Ennis a decade or so longer even though he knew Ennis would never give himself to him. That's why, at the lake, he said, "I did once" with such regret.

[Phillip Dampier]

Have you ever thought that maybe we are looking at the story the wrong way?? Maybe it IS about standing it??

That some dreams just aren't going to come true so we have to learn to deal with life without them...we have to face reality.

There comes a time that you just have to realize that you just don't have the ability to fulfill your dreams. So to continue beating your head against a stone wall is ridiculous and useless and robs you of living your life to the fullest....

There are some things in life we have no power or control over.  My mom's cancer was an example of that.  For things like that, applying the Ennis "if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it" philosophy is about the best you can do.  But as far as fulfilling other dreams within yourself, I've found that people can be incredibly dynamic and can accomplish quite a lot, or at least give it a shot.  It seems more often that people don't even try.

Look at the 20 years of excuses Ennis gave Jack for not giving their relationship a chance.  Jack's character got labeled as reckless by some movie critics and "a dreamer" by his father - always talking but never delivering.  But it didn't come from a lack of trying.  And consider the alternative of being a John Twist, where time and life has basically stood still for year after year.  Even Jack's room stayed the same.

We give in too much to fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and for some, fear of success.  For a lot of folks, living a half-fulfilled existence that you know and have experience with is far easier than risking the unknown for that sweet life, so they don't even try.  And then, eventually, you get to the point where you regret that.

The message I took away from this film is that it's always worth it to take some risks.  You can't win if you don't play the game!  Unfortunately, it was too late for Jack and Ennis, and that fact alone was a major kick in my rear end to start taking those chances today.

This home called BetterMost exists -only- because of Jack and Ennis and that message.  Before Brokeback, I would have been a lot of talk, but no real action.  I took my shot and here it is.  I made mistakes along the way, asked for help when I needed it, but kept on going forward.  I'm a better person because of it.

[dot-matrix]

Was it, though? I think sometimes it's possible to have a dream, but if you don't have any idea how to take the first step to realize the dream, or anyone to encourage you or help you on that first step, maybe that dream stays a dream.

Oh I totally agree with that, but  that doesn't make the dream impossible just improbable.  I wish I were more eloquent because I know I'm not making ya'all understand what I mean here.

see this is where I think people who have never been TRULY poor understand reality. We hear these incredible stories about people that overcome poverty and go on to be doctors or lawyers or millionaires....but we hear them BECAUSE they are unusual and rare...if a LOT of people were overcoming poverty everyday...it wouldn't be news!!

Poverty, any kind of poverty wither the working poor or those who experience the extreme understand how hard it is to crawl out of.  Once you're mired in it, you are well and truly stuck, at the very least it feels that way.  But dreams are free and they are no respectors of persons. Both rich and poor people have dreams.  I guess it just depends on your out look on life in general.  We were poor when I was small,  Dad had built the ranch up and we were comfortable by the time I was in high school but those early days of hand me down dresses and beans, beans, beans forever shaped who I am today.  I went to college but only because I worked my butt off and got a full scholarship.  My brother went into the Army for his education.  I am a glass is half full person, don't cut your nose off to spite your face, there is nothing so bad today that won't look better tomorrow.  I cannot visualize a world were we didn't have dreams, there would be no hope, and can people whose lives are not perfect be happy without hope?  I just can't see it.  

[Cameron]

Was it, though? I think sometimes it's possible to have a dream, but if you don't have any idea how to take the first step to realize the dream, or anyone to encourage you or help you on that first step, maybe that dream stays a dream.

I am having trouble posting here but this does so describe myself.  It is really hard to know exactly what to do to get started on your dream, what exactly to do and how to do it.  But without the dream then what else is there?

Still it is so hard when I know the things I want to do and what kind of life I want to have, but I have to just keeping forcing myself to do things that I don't particular care for or have interest in now just to make some money.

It is hard to know how to get started, but the dream hasn't gone away.  Actually it gets stronger and.....more frustrating somehow. But sometimes I don't know what to do.

[LauraGigs]

What potentially crippling crucial life issue do all of us — man and beast — face? Uncertainty of the future.
And we're buffeted between outside circumstance and our own actions and decisions — with no way of knowing for sure how much each will play in determining our fate.

A major reason this film is so resonant and pertinent to so many is that is deals directly with dreams, hope and regret. You watch people live their whole lives out and reap the rewards and consequences of their hope — or lack thereof.

The flip phrase "life is a gamble" is so true at its core. The problem is, you can look back (as in the case with your aunt), and even then (with the benefit of hindsight) it's difficult to guess which course (dreaming, or not) would have been the better one.

[injest]

There are some things in life we have no power or control over.  My mom's cancer was an example of that.  For things like that, applying the Ennis "if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it" philosophy is about the best you can do.  But as far as fulfilling other dreams within yourself, I've found that people can be incredibly dynamic and can accomplish quite a lot, or at least give it a shot.  It seems more often that people don't even try.

Look at the 20 years of excuses Ennis gave Jack for not giving their relationship a chance.  Jack's character got labeled as reckless by some movie critics and "a dreamer" by his father - always talking but never delivering.  But it didn't come from a lack of trying.  And consider the alternative of being a John Twist, where time and life has basically stood still for year after year.  Even Jack's room stayed the same.

We give in too much to fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and for some, fear of success.  For a lot of folks, living a half-fulfilled existence that you know and have experience with is far easier than risking the unknown for that sweet life, so they don't even try.  And then, eventually, you get to the point where you regret that.

The message I took away from this film is that it's always worth it to take some risks.  You can't win if you don't play the game!  Unfortunately, it was too late for Jack and Ennis, and that fact alone was a major kick in my rear end to start taking those chances today.

This home called BetterMost exists -only- because of Jack and Ennis and that message.  Before Brokeback, I would have been a lot of talk, but no real action.  I took my shot and here it is.  I made mistakes along the way, asked for help when I needed it, but kept on going forward.  I'm a better person because of it.

and maybe because they are so afraid of losing what LITTLE they have that they are incapable of reaching more?

and I am not talking about dreams that are possible....but say you dream of being a concert pianist...but you can't hear or don't have the ability....wouldn't it be better to accept that you will not headline Carnegie Hall and lower your dream to something you can do?? like learn to play the piano period??

[Phillip Dampier]

see this is where I think people who have never been TRULY poor understand reality. We hear these incredible stories about people that overcome poverty and go on to be doctors or lawyers or millionaires....but we hear them BECAUSE they are unusual and rare...if a LOT of people were overcoming poverty everyday...it wouldn't be news!!

I am not sure how many people achieve these things and it never gets reported or discussed.  Quiet victories are still victories.  Sometimes people can manage to do extraordinary things by taking serious risks.  I'm not one of those people.  My game plan has been to take incremental steps towards my greater goals.  In part, it helps build my confidence in myself and show that I can be successful in the things I try.  It's probably the better solution for people like me who probably would be devastated by a major catastrophic failure.  I think the best way people achieve success is to make a plan that carries with it reasonable risks and steps that can be tracked along the way towards a particular goal.  It may take longer than putting everything on the line at once, but I think it's more realistic for more cautious folks.

We also need to take better care of ourselves.  I've found things like eating right and exercise to be major helps in coping with stress, and being open and honest about your feelings with others also helps us cope with bad things that happen to us.  Not only did a psychologist assist me in helping deal with my mom, but also some counselling by the hospice care people.

or did it make it worse? cause as much as the anticipation as there was....there was that much anguish when they had to part. If Jack had accepted that he couldn't have this dream maybe he could have lowered his expectations and been happier...

Unfortunately, you can't rationalize love away.  It's sort of like the first person you truly fell in love with in your life.  With time the memories and the intensity of the feelings may become rarer, but if that person was right back in front of you, making you recall those memories, a lot of the feelings are likely to come back with them.  Jack and Ennis lived the lives society expected them to live.  Jack was prepared to dump Lureen the moment Ennis said yes -- she basically served as some sort of "next best thing."  Ennis drifted around as though he was a spectator to his own life, clueless as to how to manage the people around him, and the feelings they developed for him.  But the one thing both of them knew whenever they were together - Brokeback got them good, and they were powerless to change that.

Was it, though? I think sometimes it's possible to have a dream, but if you don't have any idea how to take the first step to realize the dream, or anyone to encourage you or help you on that first step, maybe that dream stays a dream.

This happens to a lot of people.  The best solution that has worked for me is to ask for help.  If you don't know how to get started, someone does, but none of us are psychic, so the only way someone can offer their own experiences is if they are asked.  What is often nice about asking is that you learn something you can then pass along to the next person who might be in the same boat you are, and helping others often feels wonderful.

I thought Jack DID lower his expectations after the divorce debacle. And he stayed with Ennis a decade or so longer even though he knew Ennis would never give himself to him. That's why, at the lake, he said, "I did once" with such regret.

I think you could read the regret on their faces as time passed, up until the point where the big blowup about "all we've got is Brokeback Mountain."  Jack and Ennis came to tolerate their 'unwritten agreement,' completely unfair and ridiculous it had come to be after all that time.  The whole thing was maddening to me, but then I didn't grow up in 1960s Wyoming and wasn't about to have my life's ambitions and measurement of success dictated by societal convention.  I was becoming as exasperated as Jack at the total lack of progress in making any change. The first time I saw the film, I thought for sure that Ennis' collapse on the ground was FINALLY a potential breakthrough moment, where Jack could finally say enough was enough and take a lead role in getting himself into Ennis' life, even if it meant building a cabin next door.  But it wasn't to be.

But ultimately, the opportunity to win in the end was taken away by Jack's death.  And after that, Ennis finally had his moment of clarity, of revelation and acceptance.  Unfortunately for him, it was too late.

Message to the rest of us: Don't let this happen to you!

[Phillip Dampier]

and maybe because they are so afraid of losing what LITTLE they have that they are incapable of reaching more?

and I am not talking about dreams that are possible....but say you dream of being a concert pianist...but you can't hear or don't have the ability....wouldn't it be better to accept that you will not headline Carnegie Hall and lower your dream to something you can do?? like learn to play the piano period??

I guess to be an overachiever would be to say I want to be a concert pianist and bash yourself for not managing to achieve that goal, all while never learning to play the piano in the first place.  That would be a perfect example of unreasonable expectations and beating oneself up, because you cannot achieve that concert pianist role without first learning the play the piano.

So, logically, how could one ever achieve a goal if they never took the first steps on the journey to get there?  And then one sits around and beats himself/herself up for being a failure?

The psychologist who helped me identify my own self-doubting demons discovered right away I was far more likely to believe the negative things I thought about myself than the positive ones.  One of the things he suggested was to write empowering, positive sticky notes for myself and put them in places where I would see them.  They might track the small steps I had already taken towards a greater goal, or say more general things like "I believe in myself."  But my sense of humor is grounded in comedic cynicism and there would be no way in the world I'd buy into a blizzard of empowering sticky notes all over my desk.  "It's corny and silly," I told him and "I wouldn't believe in it anyway."  But, as he pointed out, I was perfectly willing to buy into the "I can't do this" mentality, which was based on absolutely nothing concrete whatsoever.  Why should I try to do anything remarkable when I wouldn't succeed at it anyway, so why bother?

But, how can anyone know if they will succeed at something until they actually try?  In this example, the first step would be to actually sit down and learn the piano.  At the very least, you'd end up with a new skill and a new achievement, worth something even if you didn't ultimately achieve a concern pianist goal.  In fact, after learning this new skill, you may be satisfied enough with just that and no longer feel a need to achieve that goal.  And along the way of learning the piano, who knows what else can happen.  Perhaps a teacher could inspire you about a possibility you never thought of before.  Perhaps you get introduced to someone learning the piano around the same time and discover a new found friendship.  Perhaps you learn it well enough to teach others and find some joy in that.

The possibilities go on and on, but only for those who elect to take the first step and learn the piano.  The big mistake is to dismiss the value of all of it unless you absolutely achieve ultimate goal perfection.