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*Slightly* OT Confessions: How Much is TOO MUCH Before You'd QUIT Someone?
FuzzyChanny:
--- Quote from: rtprod on April 26, 2006, 06:33:03 pm ---Fuzzy, thanks for sharing your story. They may have far worse stories, but you have by far the best avatar, and that counts for something. lol
--- End quote ---
Lol, thanks... I'm a sucker for a compliment...
--- Quote from: rtprod on April 26, 2006, 06:33:03 pm ---Also, I should say "too much" meaning:
Emotionally?
Financially?
Logistically?
--- End quote ---
Emotionally. I always say he destroyed my heart because he broke it so many times, it became nothing but dust. It changed me as a person; my feelings, my outlook on life and love, my personality. It's taken me a year to forgive and forget it, but more importantly, to forgive myself for letting it happen. Everyone was telling me it was wrong but it was my fault that I let it carry on. I only realised this last week and was able to make peace with myself, and thus learn from my mistakes.
I cannot say I'm completely healed, because I'm not. I have a deep scar that burns when touched. But hopefully, one day the pain will subside enough for me to let someone in.
And the best thing for me is that I'm nearly back to my old self, which for me is the most important, because I was quite fond of her.
Wow, Viictoria. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad that you were able to find happiness after all that.
rtprod:
Whoah, Vic! You really went through it, didn't you? What a story. That is what I call life experience, isn't it?
--- Quote ---after six sessions the counselor advised me to run
--- End quote ---
Does this fall within the realm of what counselors normally offer? (half kidding)
rt
vkm91941:
--- Quote from: rtprod on April 26, 2006, 06:48:46 pm ---Whoah, Vic! You really went through it, didn't you? What a story. That is what I call life experience, isn't it?
--- Quote ---after six sessions the counselor advised me to run
--- End quote ---
Does this fall within the realm of what counselors normally offer? (half kidding)
rt
--- End quote ---
Yep it was a very rough time in my life I have friends who still will not speak his name because of what he did to me. But these a re the thing th at shape us and make us who we are today. I've forgiven him for not being who I thought he was and myself for staying too long....and heaven rewarded me with my soul mate so I'm not complaining. I may not have appreciated Stephen as much if I had not had the experience I had with the other.
Re the counselor, No I don't think they usually say things like that. He called me and asked me to come in alone. When I got there he asked me what I had learned about this person in our sessions so far...and I said the biggest revelation to me was his confusion about his sexuality and his VERY odd feelings about his Mother. He then asked me "are you still in love with him" and when I said no, he relaxed and told me I should leave the realtionship now, that I didn't need counseling but my companion needed some serious therapy. As I said I was very sad,actaully still is... you'd never know it if you met him on the street or in a social setting ...very well educated professional, charming, handsome articulate but emotionally bankrupt and twisted.
moremojo:
I'm embarrassed now, in my middle age, to reflect on how quickly I would sometimes quit partners in my younger years. I like to think that with maturity and reflection I would render unto others more patience, understanding, and sympathy than I sometimes accorded them back in the day.
One example, right off the top of my ol' memory bank: Some twelve or thirteen years ago, I dated a man who was handsome, cultured, and talented--he had a flair for writing poetry, for instance. He also happened to be a recovering alcoholic, and had just started his journey towards sobriety very shortly before we met. Things were going pretty well up to one evening where he sat me down and said he had something strange yet important to share with me. He said he had had experiences with UFOs and visitations, citing one moment when he saw a golden orb hovering in his back yard one day, eventually zooming out of sight, and an evening when he was awakened by strange, ethereally beautiful music playing underneath his bedroom window. I didn't know how to respond to these stories. I could tell my fellow was sincere, but I didn't know how to approach the objective veracity of his claims. Assuming they were true, the stories scared the bejeesus out of me--this would intimate a level of reality that I wasn't sure I was prepared to handle, and I wondered if I would be exposed to similar experiences by further intimacy with this person.
My dilemma was temporarily put on hold when my boyfriend voluntarily committed himself to a rehabilitation clinic, knowing that he needed more help in abstaining from alcohol. When he got out, he rang me up at my home, and in the course of our conversation, got very angry at me for no, as far as I could see, provocation on my part. This frightened and upset me, and I felt the situation was messier than I knew how to cope with. When he called back, some days later, he admitted that he had bought a bottle of wine the day he was released from the clinic, and proceeded to get drunk before he called me. He couldn't even remember what he had said, and apologized if anything he expressed had been unpleasant. He went on to say that he realized that he wasn't in a good place then to start on a new relationship, but he hoped we could be friends. I replied that I thought it best if we didn't seek one another out, and I sensed some sadness in his voice as he said okay to this. And that was the last I heard from him.
Today, I would hope that I could extend my friendship to a person like this fellow. If the person were going through some things that I couldn't understand, I would like to think that I would make the effort to understand to the best of my abilities, even if that effort caused a little discomfort on my part. And I would certainly want to be a better support to someone who was trying to better their lives, and stumbling on occasion on the way. I blush to think on how easily I would give up on challenging situations back then, but remind myself that I was young and feeling my way through my own life. I wish this fellow the very best, wherever he might be, and fondly reminisce on the good times we did have (he literally made one of my romantic fantasies, one I had harbored since adolescence, come true).
I don't know how well this anecdote addresses this topic, but it was the first thing to come to mind when reflecting on it.
Scott
rtprod:
Scott,
Thanks for contributing another fantastic story. The UFO angle is one of those too interesting and strange to make up things.
This is shaping up to be a great thread -- I'm sure we'll learn a lot about the group if everyone contributes at the level we've had so far. How nice that these stories end in a sort of forgiveness, rather than bitterness, and individuals can go on with their lives and reflect on these stories from a different, healthier and better place.
Bravo for sharing. :)
rt
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