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Dealing With Aging Parents
optom3:
Like most of my life at the moment this is a difficult one for me.We are here in the USA and all parents are back in the U.K.Because of a mess up with our visa renewal,we are on a Visa extension.This means for the next year untill our visa renews we are landlocked.
I am terrified of anything happening to my parents in the meantime.
My dad is 75 but very healthy.my mum is 73 and very unhealthy.My mum in law is 70 and pretty fit my father in law is 95 and not so fit!!!!
If they became ill or die before our Visa renews we could go to them but then would only be allowed back into the states for 30 days.Not much time to sell a business and house in todays economic climate.Also my children have all made their lives here.They do not want to go back to England,even the older one.
So it is a situation that haunts me on an almost daily basis.If they died that would be horrendous if I did not go to the funeral,but by far the worst scenario would be,if they were very ill and I did not get to say goodbye.
Who comes first,parents or kids.I just pray that the visa renews,before anything happens to them.Once it renews as opposed to extending we are free to leave and re enter the country again.
My husband is much more pragmatic,he says as regards his parents,he said his goodbyes when we left England.He would not jeopardise the kids futures here by leaving for funerals or sickness.I know deep down I would stay for the kids,but I also know the guilt would haunt me for ever.
Keep your fingers crossed for a speedy renewal for us,so we do not have to face this situation.We only have to get through about another 6-7 months and then we are O.K again
It has happened to a few English people here on E2 visa extensions and their tales are heart breaking.
Kelda:
thats a hard situation to be in :-\
delalluvia:
--- Quote from: optom3 on March 11, 2008, 07:04:32 pm ---Like most of my life at the moment this is a difficult one for me.We are here in the USA and all parents are back in the U.K.Because of a mess up with our visa renewal,we are on a Visa extension.This means for the next year untill our visa renews we are landlocked.
I am terrified of anything happening to my parents in the meantime.
My dad is 75 but very healthy.my mum is 73 and very unhealthy.My mum in law is 70 and pretty fit my father in law is 95 and not so fit!!!!
If they became ill or die before our Visa renews we could go to them but then would only be allowed back into the states for 30 days.Not much time to sell a business and house in todays economic climate.Also my children have all made their lives here.They do not want to go back to England,even the older one.
So it is a situation that haunts me on an almost daily basis.If they died that would be horrendous if I did not go to the funeral,but by far the worst scenario would be,if they were very ill and I did not get to say goodbye.
Who comes first,parents or kids.I just pray that the visa renews,before anything happens to them.Once it renews as opposed to extending we are free to leave and re enter the country again.
My husband is much more pragmatic,he says as regards his parents,he said his goodbyes when we left England.He would not jeopardise the kids futures here by leaving for funerals or sickness.I know deep down I would stay for the kids,but I also know the guilt would haunt me for ever.
Keep your fingers crossed for a speedy renewal for us,so we do not have to face this situation.We only have to get through about another 6-7 months and then we are O.K again
It has happened to a few English people here on E2 visa extensions and their tales are heart breaking.
--- End quote ---
Poor thing. It is a tough choice. Your husband is a lucky man. My ex-BF had parents who were very accepting of his freedom to live his own life. Unfortunately the rest of us are stuck with aging parents who not only want their children to care for them, they expect them to and also want to stay in their own homes and can be so self-absorbed by their own problems that they ignore or forget that you can't just drop everything at anytime, that you're tired and have your own chores to do, and can't talk or deal with their financial issues when you're at work. We struggled to care for them, have given up our dreams so we can stay nearby "just in case" and pretty soon they will end up in a nursing home all the same kicking and screaming all the way. It can be a bitter pill to swallow.
Artiste:
Thanks delalluvia, thanks kelda, thanks optom3!!!
Yes, it is hard to be away so far from relatives. My aunt is in North California and she can NOT travel anymore since she has been too sick. My uncle in South California had open heart surgery! My aunt in Arizona is not well neither.
And the list goes on.
It is impossible to see everyone. Mother who is too sick can not travel neither. So, I keep being with her.
Even if air planes were helpful, after cars on long roads, everything is too much time, etc., now... to do so.
Old age sure is not what we want... but we all take turns to be sick. Some old persons live so brilliantly and are very well, even race, walk for miles, and they are envied by me!
Wow, how times passes quickly! I sure wish we could go back and relive our own youth! Wow, that would be fun and I would change things more, I suppose?
Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!
delalluvia:
--- Quote from: Artiste on March 11, 2008, 08:36:08 pm ---Thanks delalluvia, thanks kelda, thanks optom3!!!
Yes, it is hard to be away so far from relatives. My aunt is in North California and she can NOT travel anymore since she has been too sick. My uncle in South California had open heart surgery! My aunt in Arizona is not well neither.
And the list goes on.
It is impossible to see everyone. Mother who is too sick can not travel neither. So, I keep being with her.
Even if air planes were helpful, after cars on long roads, everything is too much time, etc., now... to do so.
Old age sure is not what we want... but we all take turns to be sick. Some old persons live so brilliantly and are very well, even race, walk for miles, and they are envied by me!
Wow, how times passes quickly! I sure wish we could go back and relive our own youth! Wow, that would be fun and I would change things more, I suppose?
Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!
--- End quote ---
Very true Artist, we all want longer lives, but only if we're in excellent shape and able to continue to be independent. Seeing how my dad and now my mom have become so decrepit and chronically ill, makes me wonder if that's how I really want to end up.
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