Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
Introducing you to 'Reesenhaal'
ifyoucantfixit:
Jeff you are indeed a sensetive and kind person. I understand your fears, I do. I know you mean no one disrespect, and you should be able to speak your opinion without fear of being attacked. I meant no disrespect for you, and I hope
you didnt think I did...I love you and dont ever want to do anything to upset or make you feel i was mean or disrespectful.
I just wanted to say that I feel a woman with children is as good or in some cases a better choice than a virginal, woman that is cold and self obsorbed..And or a stupid air head..she seems to be none of these...In lots of cases children
are a part of the thing that makes the family...and from what i have seen Jake seems ready for a family...
It seems to be that the issues that bring about the most heat, in conversations. Happens to be the Jake or Heath threads. Its very ironic to me....
I apologize if anything i may have said upset you in any way...
I agree with Laura, I thought he looked relaxed and fine too...fine is a good word for him...
Mikaela:
Good to hear it's only me shaking my head at Jake's grey T. I'm all for him appearing studly. :) Fabienne's comment made me chuckle - I suddenly imagined Jake trotting around Rome in black knee-length trousers and red&white striped socks. That would have been interesting, and people probably wouldn't even have *noticed* Reese W. beside him! ;D
About Reese W - I admit to not having an especially good impression of her. And I admit to being entirely biased about it. It has nothing to do with kids or looks or any such things. I'm sure she's a good mother and of course a woman with kids isn't inferior in any way (nor is she superior IMO). It has everything to do with her very focused and active campaigning before the Oscars 2006 and then the IMO totally fake humility and surprised gratitude she displayed when she won. It rubbed me completely the wrong way. I wouldn't even have known about this, and I probably wouldn't much have cared, except for the contrast to the actor in leading role and Film respectively that *didn't* get the Oscars they so very richly deserved, and for which they didn't campaign nearly as much as RW as far as I could judge it. Yes, yes - totally biased, totally subjective. I admit it.
Penthesilea:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on October 25, 2007, 01:37:25 pm ---Frankly, I think these comments about alleged misogyny in my expressing my opinion, coming from women who have come to know me--sometimes actually in person--say far more about the women who are making these comments than they do about me. I'm still waiting for someone to explain to whom I have been insensitive, and why.
--- End quote ---
I think I did in my previous post, but for a better explanation see Leslie's post.
For the part quoted in red: that's why I wrote this:
--- Quote ---I know that's not your opinion, ...
--- End quote ---
Jeff, I've read hundreds of posts by you and have come to meet you in person. You are a kind and gentle person and I would never think of you as someone who spreads hate (be it against women or whoever). This was not what I wanted to express, and I didn't want to attack you personally. I still think your wording I referred to (see also Leslie's post) was insensitive, but maybe mine was, too. If you feel attacked by my previous post, I apologize.
--- Quote ---Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Children terrify me. I don't dislike them. I'm not against them. Maybe some readers will remember that I even said I felt Ennis was right to put his children before Jack and his relationship to Jack. But I do not like to be around anybody's children, and certainly not alone with them.
While the scandal in the Roman Catholic Church teaches us that pedophilia is, indeed, something that parents and society must be continually vigilant against, it is also true that innocent lives have been ruined by groundless charges of various kinds of abuse that were ultimately proved false. Just a few years ago, a schoolteacher--a woman, I might add--from New Jersey, not too far from Philadelphia, was convicted and went to jail on charges of sexual abuse. Ultimately the charge was proved false, and her conviction was overturned, and she was freed, but her life is ruined, her good name gone, because always there will be this cloud over her.
All it takes is a word or gesture misunderstood, and you're done for. It's a little bit like being accused of witchcraft in Salem in 1692. Even when you're innocent it's almost impossible to prove it.
I'm sorry to have run on so long on something so OT, but I find I'm actually shaking as I type this--that's how strongly this affects me.
--- End quote ---
No need to apologize for running OT (I will, too ;D).
This is so sad. The fact that the equating of homosexuality with pedophilia is still so widespread, that it still affects lifes to an extent that people are extra cautious in their behaviour around children, even are terrified by them, makes me wanna scream with anger. It's so unfair and I'm really sorry to hear this.
Jeff Wrangler:
To all who wrote to explain more why they felt my comment was insensitive, thank you. Noted. I certainly never meant to imply that I felt a woman with children was "damaged goods," or anything like that, and more than that I will not say because I don't want to prolong ill feeling.
Janice and Chrissi, thank you in particular for your kind comments.
As for the other matter, I need to shut up about that, too, so I'll only further comment that it strikes me as ironic and sad that on the one hand, we hear there is a need for mentoring for gay teenagers. Then we turn around and hear about something like former Congressman Mark Foley stalking teenagers. (The nasty kernel of truth behind the equation of homosexuality and pedophilia is that there are older men who do prey on young boys.) And then I have to wonder how long it would take before some well-meaning guy who wants to help teens avoid some of the pitfalls of growing up gay gets accused of being a sexual predator?
moremojo:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on October 25, 2007, 10:27:17 am ---Granted Jake's situation is not mine--or yours--but you would look at other people's children differently if you were a middle-aged gay male in a country where so many wrongly equate homosexuality with pedophilia. In short, kids are dangerous.
--- End quote ---
Yes, this is true.
Having read through these exchanges, and as your fellow gay man, I do understand your feelings on this, Jeff. And I share them--I too feel uncomfortable around children outside my family, and for the reasons that you describe. Our society is obsessed at this historical moment with pedophilia and child sexual abuse--both legitimate concerns, to be sure, but which have imbued the larger culture with the ambience of a witch-hunt mentality that you adumbrate. And gay men, I feel, rightly or wrongly, are especially vulnerable to being targeted as potential sexual predators--that association among the uneducated masses is an old one, and is still present (ironically, evidence points to most child molesters being men who target female children).
I had a gay male friend who liked children (in a purely non-threatening way, I'm saddened to have to stress), and hoped to become a father one day. I advised him some fifteen years ago to be cautious in how he interacted with children, since as a gay man his motives and actions might come under special scrutiny. Fifteen years later, my advice would not be any different.
Sorry to continue OT like this, but I felt it important to add to and support Jeff's observations here.
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