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telling people off
Kerry:
Like most everyone, I do experience all the emotions that should normally prompt one to tell someone off. Alas, when I've done so in the past, however, I find that rather than being left with a feeling of righteous self-satisfaction, I instead end up feeling enormous self-loathing, for allowing myself to be lowered to their level.
What works for me is to retreat from the field of battle. I find that if you don't take their bait, they soon tire of you and move on to another victim. I refuse to engage them in battle.
That, and externalising my frustrations and anger in a creative way. I've always kept a journal and find it very therapeutic to give someone a piece of my mind in my journal, rather than telling them off to their face. Since the advent of the internet and blogging, however, I now do a lot of my therapeutic externalising in posts here at BetterMost. For example, I found that my last post, where I described my brother's hateful father-in-law, to be particularly cathartic for me. And even more so since receiving your kind feedback. Thank you, everyone, for the sweet things you said. It means a lot to me.
Another way, I externalise and dissipate my anger is by poking fun at things that hurt me, and laughing at them. I do this by drawing cartoons. For example:
injest:
--- Quote from: Kerry on March 21, 2008, 10:11:45 pm ---Like most everyone, I do experience all the emotions that should normally prompt one to tell someone off. Alas, when I've done so in the past, however, I find that rather than being left with a feeling of righteous self-satisfaction, I instead end up feeling enormous self-loathing, for allowing myself to be lowered to their level.
What works for me is to retreat from the field of battle. I find that if you don't take their bait, they soon tire of you and move on to another victim. I refuse to engage them in battle.
That, and externalising my frustrations and anger in a creative way. I've always kept a journal and find it very therapeutic to give someone a piece of my mind in my journal, rather than telling them off to their face. Since the advent of the internet an blogging, however, I now do a lot of my therapeutic externalising in posts here at BetterMost. For example, I found that my last post, where I described my brother's hateful father-in-law, to be particularly cathartic for me. And even more so since receiving your kind feedback. Thank you, everyone, for the sweet things you said. It means a lot to me.
Another way, I externalise and dissipate my anger is by poking fun at things that hurt me, and laughing at them. I do this by drawing cartoons. For example:
--- End quote ---
I do this in real life with my family. I can't win because I won't say things I can't take back so I run...THEY dont' seem to have any trouble saying horrible things :-\
forsythia12:
i can relate to that jess! :-\
delalluvia:
--- Quote from: Kerry on March 21, 2008, 10:11:45 pm ---Like most everyone, I do experience all the emotions that should normally prompt one to tell someone off. Alas, when I've done so in the past, however, I find that rather than being left with a feeling of righteous self-satisfaction, I instead end up feeling enormous self-loathing, for allowing myself to be lowered to their level.
What works for me is to retreat from the field of battle. I find that if you don't take their bait, they soon tire of you and move on to another victim. I refuse to engage them in battle.
That, and externalising my frustrations and anger in a creative way. I've always kept a journal and find it very therapeutic to give someone a piece of my mind in my journal, rather than telling them off to their face. Since the advent of the internet and blogging, however, I now do a lot of my therapeutic externalising in posts here at BetterMost. For example, I found that my last post, where I described my brother's hateful father-in-law, to be particularly cathartic for me. And even more so since receiving your kind feedback. Thank you, everyone, for the sweet things you said. It means a lot to me.
Another way, I externalise and dissipate my anger is by poking fun at things that hurt me, and laughing at them. I do this by drawing cartoons. For example:
--- End quote ---
Excellent way for you guys to channel your anger. I'm glad it works for you.
It's taken me a long time to be able to make peace with my anger at situations and people. First, as a child, I internalized everything. I was raised as a nice ethnic girl. I wasn't supposed to get mad at anything or anyone. By high school, I had internalized my stresses so much, I came down with a psychosomatic illness. One that gave me agonizing stomach cramps and constant vomiting. My body was basically dealing with my internalized stress and anger by putting me in bed for a week at a time and taking me away from the situation.
This kinda put the kibosh on any social life.
I finally learned how to deal with it. When stress started to build and I could feel the cramping coming on I learned to use relaxation techniques to avoid the final act. I learned control of both mind and body doing that.
So now, I'm able to keep things inside much easier than before, but sometimes, for my own sanity's sake, and simply for the exercise of my right to get angry - which was something I had to learn I deserved - I cut loose on people.
Kerry:
--- Quote from: injest on March 21, 2008, 10:15:49 pm ---I do this in real life with my family. I can't win because I won't say things I can't take back so I run...THEY dont' seem to have any trouble saying horrible things :-\
--- End quote ---
{{{Jess}}} I can certainly empathise with you there. There were only ever two people in my family who I really cared for and loved, and they were my darling parents (both deceased). I'm their youngest, the child of their old age. They loved me unconditionally, as I loved them. And that was enough for me.
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