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On Caregiving
Jeff Wrangler:
I hope she doesn't find an excuse to back out of dinner. :(
CellarDweller:
Yeah, very true. Keep us posted!
Brown Eyes:
Hey Everyone,
Sorry for the delay in the update. The trip back to Pittsburgh went pretty nicely. It was fun to see old friends there for the baby shower and Lucy along with her elderly mother did go out to dinner with me following the shower. It was a pleasant visit and actually nice to see her mom - I'd spent a fair amount of time with her also over my years in Pittsburgh.
I get the sense that Lucy is, in general, just pulled in a ton of different directions and frazzled by a lot of stress. One weird thing that happened is that towards the end of the shower, not long before we had planned to leave to head to dinner, a friend called her and needed a ride home from work and all of a sudden she wanted to postpone dinner by over an hour. It's hard to explain easily the dynamics there in a message like this but it caused a slight bit of tension. I ended up reminding her that I'd driven from Delaware that day to see her (in addition to the baby shower). I brought a ton of birthday presents for her because the visit happened shortly following her birthday - which was part of the reason for going to dinner. And ultimately she did go and give her other friend a ride and dinner was delayed. Again, it was odd. (And it may seem petty, but the thought did pass through my mind... "oh so you answer your phone for that friend." :-\ )
After dinner we did have a chat about trying to keep in touch more often/ more easily. I get the sense that she feels a little guilty about not being good at replying to texts and voicemails. Though it's kind of a bummer to think about a friendship turning into an obligation or a guilt trip to maintain.
Ultimately I don't know how things will play out. Hopefully at some point when the current stresses in her life ease up somehow things will get better. It turns out that she and her husband are officially separated (and he even has a new girlfriend now) but he's still living at her house - causing a lot of awkwardness. Plus taking care of her mother is a lot of work with the current situation. She certainly knows that I'd like to be there for her - but I think keeping in touch for a while will continue to be a challenge.
serious crayons:
Sorry for the mixed outcome, A. I'm glad you had some fun. I feel bad for you, arriving with a bounty of gifts and eagerness to renew ties with your friend and then having a less than satisfactory experience.
It does sound like her life is kind of a nightmare right now. Caregiving for an ailing relative can take a lot of time and emotional energy. And the situation with her husband is really beyond what anyone should have to go through. Can they not afford for one of them to get a separate small apartment or something? Well, I guess it would have to be her husband, since she needs to stay with her mother. And maybe finances are an obstacle. But still!
As for answering the call, she may be more likely to pick up for a quick call from a local person than from an old friend in another city that would entail a longer conversation. That said, why didn't her friend just Lyft or Uber? I mean, that costs money too and I don't want to seem elitist if they're really strapped for cash. But at least around here, I can get most places I'd want to go for $15 or so during non-peak hours. And that seems immensely preferable to delaying dinner with a friend who is visiting from out of town.
Do you know anything about this friend? Is it just some regular friend, or could the relationship be part of what's complicating her life?
CellarDweller:
--- Quote from: Brown Eyes on October 11, 2018, 11:11:05 pm ---(And it may seem petty, but the thought did pass through my mind... "oh so you answer your phone for that friend." :-\ )
--- End quote ---
I don't think it's petty, I would've had the same thought.
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