Author Topic: Kerry's Komedy Klub  (Read 1381533 times)

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #430 on: May 26, 2007, 12:53:03 am »
I absolutely adore this pic. It reminds me of Jack & Ennis somehow.  :D  Jack on the right and Ennis on the left.   :-*   :-*


I agree completely..it is so perfectly Jack and Ennis  :D
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #431 on: May 26, 2007, 12:55:01 am »
This is one of my husband's favorite jokes so I offer you this one from Bob  ;)

THE ART OF MAKING LOVE



The Italian man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great
sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had
sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and
she screamed for fifteen minutes."

The Jewish man said, "Well, last week my wife and I also had
sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat). We made love,
and she screamed for over six hours."

The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked,
"What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?"

The Jewish man said, "I wiped my hands on the bedspread."
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #432 on: May 26, 2007, 01:00:01 am »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline David In Indy

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #433 on: May 26, 2007, 01:33:53 am »
I absolutely adore this pic. It reminds me of Jack & Ennis somehow.  :D  Jack on the right and Ennis on the left.   :-*   :-*


God Kerry. That picture IS SO CUTE!!!!

It does remind me of Jack and Ennis!  :)

Thanks so much for posting it.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #434 on: May 26, 2007, 01:40:56 am »
Hallmark Cards for Dysfunctional Families

Hallmark Cards has a new division that is targeted toward the growing group of dysfunctional families. Here is a sample of their new cards.



1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to
love, and now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.




2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met
you.



;)
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) - That you're here to ruin it for me.



4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back?
You may need it again.




5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.




6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike.




7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now that we've broken up, I think
it's time to keep your promise.




8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?




9. I'm miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.





10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father
is?




11. You're such a good friend - if we were on a sinking
ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you
often.



12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really
special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.




13. Happy birthday Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia
and Holder, Florida)




14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I
can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?




15. Congratulations on your Wedding Day...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
 
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline David In Indy

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #435 on: May 26, 2007, 01:46:03 am »
 :laugh: :laugh:

That was a good one Dottie!! :D
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #436 on: May 26, 2007, 02:08:46 am »
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied: "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.

Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!" The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again."

At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: "You have one more wish, what shall you have?"

Cinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. "I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man." Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother said: "Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life." With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.

He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"

Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #437 on: May 26, 2007, 03:39:12 am »

 :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:       :laugh:
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Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #438 on: May 26, 2007, 03:44:40 am »
God Kerry. That picture IS SO CUTE!!!!

It does remind me of Jack and Ennis!  :)

Thanks so much for posting it.

You thought that one was cute, David. What about this lil cutey . . . . .



[[[Puppy]]] 
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Offline Kerry

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Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #439 on: May 26, 2007, 03:48:44 am »

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