Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Her mother just smiled and r eplied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing  it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."

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A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn the wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,and starts to read her book.

A long comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am.

What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "Isn't it obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.

I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

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[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[Kerry]

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On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of no-where
the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might
expect, a shipwreck.

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 Frenh men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 English men and 1 English woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Japenese men and 1 Japanese woman

2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these absolutely stunningly beautiful
desert (and deserted) isands in the middle of no-where, the
following things have occurred.

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily
together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alterating
visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman
is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting to be introduced to the English
woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean
and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and start swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting
instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store,
a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant
in order to supply employees for the stores.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of
suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly
complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how
she can do everything that they can do, the necessity of
fulfilment, the equal division of household labors, how sand
and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend
respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how
her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the
taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South
and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the
picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of
coconut whiskey. But they are happy because at least the
English aren't having any fun.

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The wife came home early one day and finds her husband
in the bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady.

"You unfaithful, disrespectful pig!. Whart are you doing ?
How dare you do this to me, the faithful wife, and mother
of your children. I'm leaving this house. I want a divorce."

The husband replied, "Wait. Wait just a minute. Before you
go, at least listen to what happened."

"Hmmmmmmm, I dn't know," said the wife, "Well, it'll be the
last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, unfaithful pig."

The husband begins to tell his story : "While driving home this
young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so defenceless that I went
ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed she was very thin,
nor well dressed, and very dirty. She mentioned that she had
not eaten for three days.

"With great compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas that I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't
eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.

"The poor thing practically devours them. Since she was very
dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering,
I noticed that her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair
of jeans that you have had for a few years, that no longer fit you.

"I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary, the
one you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her
the pullover my sister gave you for Christmas, the one you refuse
to wear just to bother my sister, and I also gave her the boots that
you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again
after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."

The husband continues his story, "The young woman was very
grateful to me and I walked her to the door, at which point she
turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me,
"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use ?"

[underdown]

The Art Teacher strolled around the room, admiring the way her students were bent at their tasks.
Some were drawing trees and flowers, some animals, some their favourite TV character.
She got to little Mary, one nuckle gripped between her teeth, concentrating hard on her piece.
'Well, how's it going Mary?' asked the Teacher.
'Nearly finished', mumbled Mary.
'What are you drawing today?' Teacher asked.
'Oh, I'm drawing a picture of God', answered Mary, not looking up.
'But no-one knows what he looks like', chided the Teacher playfully.
Mary, still not looking up, replied seriously .. 'they will in a minute'.

[Kerry]

'But no-one knows what he looks like', chided the Teacher playfully.
Mary, still not looking up, replied seriously .. 'they will in a minute'.