Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

[dot-matrix]

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating



10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.


8. You ask for high fiber candy only.


7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balanceand fall over.


6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.


5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.


4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.


3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.


2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.


1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

[dot-matrix]

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.


"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"


"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

[Kerry]

[David In Indy]

 

I love your cartoons Kerry! Please keep on posting them! 

[Kerry]

I love your cartoons Kerry! Please keep on posting them! 

Thank you kindly, David. I'm glad you're enjoying my cartoons. More to follow! 

[dot-matrix]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She desperately wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes,
but was very reluctant to pay the high prices local vendors
were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe, I'll
just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of
shoes at a reasonable price !"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll
luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined the blonde
turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an
alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he
spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand. Just then he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming
quickly towards her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with
a great deal of effort hauled it up on the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shop-
keeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the
alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, :Damn it, this
one isn't wearing any shoes either !!"

[dot-matrix]

An officer in the US Naval Reserve was attending a conference
including admirals from both the US Navy and the French Navy.
At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that
included personnel from both Navies.

The French Admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans
learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then
asked why is it we have to speak English at these conferences
rather than you speak French ?"

Without hesitation, the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's
because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans have
arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

[dot-matrix]

Jake was dying.
His wife Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand, tears running downher face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber.

He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly, "Becky,
my darling," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said, "Rest, don't talk.

He was insistent.

"Becky," he said in his tired voice "I have something I must
confess."

"There isn't anything to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, No, I must die in peace Becky. I I . . .I slept with your
sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother !"

"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you !!"

[Kerry]