APPLYING the LESSONS of BBM to YOUR LIFE

[rtprod]

Hi everyone,

Now that we've digested the film so fully and it is all but part of our DNA, beyond how we commune here daily, speak to those close to us in fragmented movie dialogue and otherwise obsess on the validity of the "s'oks" and "s'allrights," let's talk about how the lessons of the movie have affected us or maybe even caused each of us to have a paradigm shift, to look at the world in a different way or maybe just to "wake up" to ourselves as it were.  I'll go first:

Lesson: Life, relationships will wait for no one.

Application:  For me, I've been better at not waiting to say what I think or feel, expressing things more fully to friends and others, and being a little more free in life, rather than maintaining tunnel vision like a closed-down Ennis.  And it's easy to inadverdently let that happen when you live a major metro city where you just want to come and go each day, tune out the noise and stay in your own comfort zone.   So I guess I've been living a bit more on the Jack Twist side of life, little more carefree, little more spontaneous, opening my eyes up a bit and aware of letting those around me know I value them.  A little Jack Twist is a good prescription for anyone I think.  I'm not ending up in that trailer (unless Heath's there, then maybe), at least not by myself!

Sweet life.



rt

[vkm91941]

Hi everyone,

Now that we've digested the film so fully and it is all but part of our DNA, beyond how we commune here daily, speak to those close to us in fragmented movie dialogue and otherwise obsess on the validity of the "s'oks" and "s'allrights," let's talk about how the lessons of the movie have affected us or maybe even caused each of us to have a paradigm shift, to look at the world in a different way or maybe just to "wake up" to ourselves as it were.  I'll go first:

Lesson: Life, relationships will wait for no one.

Application:  For me, I've been better at not waiting to say what I think or feel, expressing things more fully to friends and others, and being a little more free in life, rather than maintaining tunnel vision like a closed-down Ennis.  And it's easy to inadverdently let that happen when you live a major metro city where you just want to come and go each day, tune out the noise and stay in your own comfort zone.   So I guess I've been living a bit more on the Jack Twist side of life, little more carefree, little more spontaneous, opening my eyes up a bit and aware of letting those around me know I value them.  A little Jack Twist is a good prescription for anyone I think.  I'm not ending up in that trailer (unless Heath's there, then maybe).   

Sweet life.



rt

Excellent for you rt.  I could not agree more.  I let BBM open my heart again.  Most folks around here know that I lost my husband, the love of my life, suddenly 12 years ago and it left me devastated, in a serious depression with an infant and 4 year old to raise ALONE.  I had to shut a big part of my heart off.  I stopped thinking of my self as a relatively young woman with a life and only saw myself as a Mom, a friend, a sister and a daughter.  I went out occasionally at the urging of friends, but my heart wasn't in it.  My heart, at least that part of it was with Stephen, in heaven if you well...Brokeback Mountain the story in the New Yorker cracked my heart 8 years ago but over time it scabbed over and I went on as before. BUT Brokeback Mountain the film tore my heart wide open and laid bare feelings and emotions I thought were long dead.  Because of this lovely, brilliant film and the love of a few dear friends some of whom post here.  I opened my heart to a man I met and am experiencing the wonder of love for the second time in my life.  I feel so blessed by this experience. 

[dmmb_Mandy]

Wow, beautifully said, both of you. Your responses made me teary-eyed. The affect of this film continues to amaze me.
RT, it makes me so happy to know that you have taken action with your life and love and that you have opened your eyes and your heart a little wider. *lotsa love*
Vic, wow, I am so glad that you have found love again. I have the utmost respect for you and you deserve the best.

As for me, I have learned to hold on tight and really appreciate everything/one I love. Also, I've learned to not let the intolerance of the world hold me back. Curse you, world, if I want to walk around naked, lemme do it dammit! 
As an application, I try to let those I love know how much I care and respect them. And like RT, I try to be clear, honest and thorough about how I feel.

 

[JennyC]

Ok, I will give it a try, only this is no easy task.  Many things are intertwined.

What rt and Vicky said is THE lesson we learned from the movie, I am just framing it a little bit different based on my experience.

The lesson I learned from the BBM is that it’s ok to take calculated risks, allow yourself being vulnerable, and make step by step efforts to pursue what you want.  We all have some wants/desires in our hearts that we don’t allow ourselves to pursue it, because of the fear for being vulnerable, being hurt, and/or the effort it takes to make it happen.   I have learned to look back in my past, how I always tend to error on the side of being rational, cautious, and risk avert, but lack of a carefree mind, and an adventurous spirit. Part of this is the culture that I grew up in, but still I bare most the responsibilities.  Now when I make a decision, I ask myself if it’s what I want or what I am normally comfortable with, or if I reject some opportunities for me or for my family because I don’t want to take the risk involved.  After saw BBM, my husband and I have talked about a lot of things in our life, our relationship, our life choices, and directions, etc.  It was interesting that how we both see ourselves being Jack or Ennis in different situations.  Once we put things in that context, it’s easier to see the other party’s perspective.  It was just amazing how the characterization of these two fiction figures can be related to so many things in our life, not just relationship.  I came to realize that a lot of time the things that holding me back are not from the outside, but my own fear, judgment, and the rules that I set for myself that boxed me in (hence, I relate more to Ennis).    I am trying to be a little bit more spontaneous, and focus more on the potential benefit than the cost.  I figured that I was never wild and stupid when I was young, and don’t think I will now, so a little bit free spirit and risk taking won’t hurt anything. 

It’s not easy to change the way that you have functioned for so many years.  I am still taking baby steps from what I learned.

[TJ]

While not trying to be smart-alecky here, I think I could apply the lessons of my life to the Brokeback Mountain story.

Using the Annie Proulx timeline, I am just a little older by a year or so than Ennis and Jack. In May 1963, I was 20 years old. My birthday was in November.

What others can learn from the movie and most of all, boys and men who are in denial of their sexual homosexual orientation is that they should not have to put themselves, or let themselves be, put through a life of hell on earth.

While I was never treated badly during my closet days for my sexual orientation, even when some people 400 miles NE of Tulsa found out about it (some accepted it and some didn't) but I actually did not leave the closet, I went through discrimination as an adult after earning a BA in Education because I was not married.

The situation about the smalll group of people finding out would never have happened if I had not been teaching in a small town with around 2,000 in population. It was directly connected with the fact that I was a teacher; but, the fact that a self-ordained preacher in the church I attended found out about it and his son was in one of the elementary schools connected with the school system. His son found out about it through someone in another church family and they did not even live in the school district.

The other family actually did not care in the first place; they just liked me and had me as guest in their home often, even after the adults found out. But, the preacher was also a rumor monger; and he did not like it because they did not reject me. The rumor he told got to the superintendent of the school system and the superintendent told me to contact the man and ask him to promise to shut up and my already signed contract for the next year would remain valid. But, the man already had his mind made up. Even later when I contacted him to ask him to forgive me since I had gone to a parachurch seminar where the man said to contact those whom you have wrong and thought you have wronged. And the guy in response by letter claimed he had done nothing in the first place and I had not even done him wrong either.

I made lots of trial and error mistakes during my closet days. While I never got a full-time teaching position again, the school superintendent never put anything in my employement file that was negative. I did sub a couple of years after moving back to the Tulsa area.

[MaineWriter]

Brokeback Mountain released the creative writer in me:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2853224/1/

thanks Vic, for pointing this out.

L
xlxx

[maggiesmommy GayLee]

This is a cut'n'paste of a past post of mine.  It describes the changes that BBM has made in my life..
#1, NEVER wait!! #2, get over it and don't live your life angry, it wastes precious time. #3, Embrace everyone, never judge, see the good in good people, ignore the rest... #5 find joy  #^6 NEVER WAIT to say the things you need to say to the people you love...if Ennis had known, that last lake scene would have beern very different....but the lesson here is that we will NEVER know...so we have to be sensitive, without being fatalistic, to those "golden" moments and not let them get away..


hopefully if you all have done this one before , you'll allow me to introduce myself..i really find this theraputic and so i hope you don't mind...

i am a 59 yr old married straight woman, 4 kids,3 are married, 3 grand kids. Work in an office, pretty typical stuff...
my daughter in law, whom i adore, had a brother that was gay.  "J" was a wonderful guy, so smart, so artistic, just a fantastic human being, and the first gay person i have ever had a close realtionship with.  I was born into a very strict mainstream domination church..i was taught all the common "hate" speak that that genre clings to...i grew up with the same prejudices that now disgust and sicken me.  However, this metamorphsis didn't start until i met "J".  I was beginning to pull away from the churches domination and rethinking my whole belief system abou the time i was forced to start spending time with "J" because we moved in with my son and his family while we built our house and "J" was there often, traveled alot, and therefore stayed whenever he was in town.  Getting to know him was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  He was so wise and didn't once act like i was the enemy because of my former beliefs...we talked for hours and i began to see and feel the pain and hatred he had suffered in his life..he had known and lost love, had been rejected by memebers of his famiiy and society, and on an on, as some of you can relate to...he also had aids...he had been diagnosed 13 long years ago and had been in on the first testing of expermental drugs..he had maintained a relative healthy lifestyle for all those years and was doing very well until about last june, then started to go into a downhill spiral that ended with his death in August.
I have never missed anyone so much....and then i  saw BBM.  all of my defenses came falling down...the "new, better" attitude i thought i had built over the last few years just became so much fluff...just words...i really meant well, but i did NOT get it until i saw BBM...i wish SO much i could see this movie with "J"/  THat we could talk about it and that i could tell him that i really really get it now...i get all of it..i understand, i am sorry, i want to hold him and see him and i just miss him so damn much and i can't do any of that and it is tearing my heart out....
i watch the movie over and over and in it i see "J" and his loss and his struggle all of those years trying to be happy, to be accepted, and he did find that peace at times, but society leaves a big scar on some of us and i don't think he ever really felt accepted...his ex-partner preached his funeral sermon, and it was just heartbreaking...they tried so many times to get it right, but "J" had a problem with substance abuse, off and on (i'm sure related to the small town mentality he grew up with) and "B" just couldn't keep it together, but they both were never happy apart...in the sermon, he talked about always thinking of that willie song, angel flying too close to the ground, and that was how he saw "J"...freaky thinkg, i had that song downloaded as my ring tone...gave me goosebumps...
the thing is..when the person you love is gone the sadness of never being able to go back and make things right, because it seems to take a loss like that to crystalize things in your mind,  and then it is too late...that feeling in the pit of your stomach just eats you alive sometimes...hurts so damn much...and you can't do one damn thing, not one, to change it....  
i hope he knows how i feel now, because if he doesn't i don't think i can stand it...but Ennis says if you can't fix it you GOTTA stand it..oh, man, thats hard...really hard...
sorry to be a downer tonight...i just can't get "J" out of my head or heart today...
thanks for letting me talk...  

[Ray]

I guess what I've learnt is the ultimate lesson from BBM: "If you can't STAND it, you gotta FIX it!"  I have gone through life playing the victim.  The world has been 'unfair'.  The people have been 'annoying'.  The situation has been 'hell bitch unsatisfactory'.  But no one can fix it but me.  No amount of bitching will save my soul.  I have approximately the duration of my life to live again, all going well, and that has gone bloody fast!  The next half is up to me. 

[TJ]

Ray,

"If you can't STAND it, you gotta FIX it!" << is a good thing to do!

Some people actually need the help of certified and licensed mental health professionals, psychiatrists and psychologists, etc., to help them have insight to fix what is wrong in their lives.

I actually signed up with the Behavioral Health (BH) department of Tulsa's Indian Health Care Resource Center to deal with help through the grief and bereavement process due to the loss of my best-friend/lover/husband, Ed.

I had put off dealing with that because my well-meaning friends back in LA told me to put that aside because I needed to get on with my life and get a job. Well, Ed passed away on March 2, 1991.

When I told my primary care giver, my MD, at the center in March '93 about what was bothering me emotionally, he made a referral to BH. Because of the first sessions I had with, Judy, the Therapist and how I came to meet Ed in the first place, Judy decided that we could talk about more of my background before I left the closet and moved to LA.

Since I did not have to pay for the session due to being unemployed, I did not worry about that. Sometimes, I brought up stuff that had to do with my struggles before and after I left the closet and my mistakes in not knowing to do the right things, and it was early in the week, Judy would check her schedule and say, "You said something today that should not wait until next week and I have an opening later this week. Would you like to come back then?"

Then in early '95 or so, Mom was in the hospital and a woman from  her church was visiting her. I had known the lady since 1975. I visited with Mom and her and I had a bus to catch to go elsewhere. Mom told me after I left that Mrs. McQueen said how much I had changed and was more sure of myself.

Because of the spirituality involved in my going to the Center and by Judy's recommendation to check out All Tribes Community Church (American Baptist) and the fact that she was also a Believer, too, more than just psychology was involved in the therapy.

[maggiesmommy GayLee]

I guess what I've learnt is the ultimate lesson from BBM: "If you can't STAND it, you gotta FIX it!"  I have gone through life playing the victim.  The world has been 'unfair'.  The people have been 'annoying'.  The situation has been 'hell bitch unsatisfactory'.  But no one can fix it but me.  No amount of bitching will save my soul.  I have approximately the duration of my life to live again, all going well, and that has gone bloody fast!  The next half is up to me. 

oh yeah, baby, oh yeah!!
Ray, your outlook always inspires me!! you, my sweet boy, are a breath of fresh sunshinney air!!!

love ya
gaylee