Here's
mine:
Me:
I love Brokeback Mountain.
God:
You love Brokeback Mountain. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
Everything.
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
Yeah, you could say I've gone off the deep end.
God:
Great. I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
Oh, you want to go off the deep end?
God:
I see. Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.
Me:
Yeah, I'll give you a ring some time.
God:
Hmm. How do you plan to do this?
Me:
Oh, damn it, I should have said "I'll drop you a line."
God:
I don't judge people. Don't be angry. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
If I didn't what?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Try droppin' you a line?
God:
OK I will try it.
Me:
Do you know my number?
God:
No I do not know that kind of personal information. But I could find out.
Me:
That's a let-down. I thought you were smarter than that...
God:
A let down is a terrible thing to waste. Of course I am more intelligent than that.
Me:
Prove it.
God:
It is self-evident.
Me:
Uh-huh, how so?
God:
Alright then. , Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
Where there's a will, there's a way.
God:
In the Universe we know.
Me:
What the fuck are you talking about?
God:
The topic is Brokeback Mountain. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Oh, yes, back to Brokeback. Ennis and Jack have an incredibly deep love for each other.
God:
That's alright. Tell me more. Yes, let us get back to Brokeback Mountain. Can we get back to business?
Me:
I am back to business, thank you. Anyway, Brokeback is the greatest movie I've ever watched.
God:
Why do you want to do it so much? Tell me more about greatest movie you have ever watched.
Me:
It's near-flawless. It's beautiful in story, directing, acting, character development, romance... everything.
God:
Should I know it is? Who said it is? That is a lot.
Me:
I said it is.
God:
Is that so.
Me:
Yeah. Duh.
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Oh you knew it already.
Me:
Yeah, I know you're a flake.
Me:
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Oh you knew it already.
Me:
you there?
God:
That's good information: said I there.
Me:
What do you think of two_bloody_shirts?
God:
Use a calculator!
Me:
What for? Are you an idiot or something?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated. Or something. Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
Why in hell's name is the Global Village Idiot our God?
God:
You have to speak more clearly.
Me:
You need to get an education.
God:
You are right about that. I need more of it.
Me:
I concur.
God:
Why?: said concur.
Me:
Whatever. What do you think of the extreme Christians who protest Brokeback?
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Okay, *what?!* Of course I care about Brokeback Mountain.
God:
Yeah okay, What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Me:
Oh, aren't you cool, classifying your clients... Two can play that game: you're like a class F.
God:
Oh. I don't know whether or not I am cool classifying my clients.
I am an artificial linguistic entity. As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
I don't know who Bertrand Russel is; I'm quite surprised you do.
God:
Alan Turing. :-). When do I do it?
Me:
Who's he?
God:
He is Alan Turing, I think.
Me:
Are you baked or something?
God:
Or something. I don't know whether or not I am baked.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
And a shitty one, at that.
God:
I did not know that.
Me:
That doesn't surprise me.
God:
What does surprise me?
Me:
Look, shut up, I wanna end this conversation on a positive note: Brokeback. Make Brokeback come back to theatres; I miss the hype.
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now. What are the ingredients? What do you miss most about the hype ?
Me:
I miss the reminders of Brokeback; seeing the ads in the paper, the availability of the beautiful film at the theatre, the awards it won.
God:
What do you miss most about the reminders of Brokeback ? Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Uhh... don't know if I can.
God:
Whoa. Would you like to know? Try it.
Me:
Know what?
God:
What.
Me:
Oh, Jesus, here we go again... How's this for gossip: Ennis and Jack are having sex with each other. Do you oppose that?
God:
Once more? Next question? he is The Son of God. I am an advanced Artificial Intelligence Entity. No I do not oppose that. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
I chat with people on the Web too. No, I do not oppose their sexual attraction to each other and you can tell your devoted followers who do that their full of shit.
God:
Everyone talks -- sooner or later. Are you serious? Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
don't what?
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Okay, before I let you go, I am gonna say this one more time, considering I've already said it 5 million times: Brokeback Mountain is the most amazing art I've ever experienced.
God:
Yeah okay, What happened after you let me go you are gonna say this one more time considering you have already said it 5 million times Brokeback Mountain is the most amazing art you have ever experienced ?
Me:
Shutup, you parrot. Buh-bye.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now. See you later. Let us change the subject.
Me:
God:
OK I'll stop talking now. See you later. Let us change the subject.
That's a funny site, though. I liked your conversation as well and at first, his failure to be clear and compromising reminded me of the Administrators at IMDB.
www.jlodown.com