A pet becomes a member of your family. Sometimes people who have not had a pet this close to them do not realize how much it hurst to loose one. I understand what you are going through. It's very hard to deal with. After loosing a pet it took me several years to ever get another one. People said I needed to, but I felt like I would be trying to replace him. Finally, two years ago, someone I work with brought in this small black shiny kitten who had come to their door in the middle of a big rain storm. The kitten jumped in her car when she was getting ready to leave for work. She took it back to the porch and it beat her back to the car. I came in that morning and the kitten was sitting on her lap looking at the computer. I ended up getting him. He was starving and incredibly tired. I opened some food for him and he practically attacked it. It was like he had not eaten for days. Then he went upstairs, jumped on the bed and stayed there sleeping for almost two days. I don't think I have ever seen a kitten that tired, but he was determined to find a home and he sure did find one. He is now a 15 pound, all muscle cat and is the blackest cat I have ever seen.