Author Topic: Dealing With Aging Parents  (Read 32947 times)

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #110 on: August 12, 2009, 03:16:26 pm »
Your mother has every right to a second opinion! And you are a loving daughter for helping her get one!

My mother and her dog have moved into my house and all are doing quite well so far. We are very fortunate that at 82, she doesn't have any serious health problems.
May 2019 be better for us all.

Offline delalluvia

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #111 on: August 12, 2009, 05:12:59 pm »
Thanks guys.

Offline delalluvia

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #112 on: March 24, 2010, 10:03:44 pm »
Mom took a bad downturn Sunday night.

She's been in the hospital ever since.  She's coherent now, only a little befuddled, but she pretty much knows what's going on.

They did some tests.  She can no longer swallow without taking food into her lungs.  My sister and brother and I will be talking to the doctors tomorrow about how to go about putting in a feeding tube and that means a nursing home.

She's not dying and she's not dead, but I can't stop crying because she left home so suddenly and not a single one of us ever thought she wasn't coming back and now I'm walking around the house thinking about the services she gets that I have to call to cancel, I'm looking at all the things I bought her to make her life easier, all the food and drinks she's never going to taste and I feel so guilty about being impatient with her over the last few months and I just want to die.

Offline serious crayons

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #113 on: March 24, 2010, 10:56:30 pm »
I'm looking at all the things I bought her to make her life easier, all the food and drinks she's never going to taste and I feel so guilty about being impatient with her over the last few months and I just want to die.

Look at the first part of that quote, Del. Think about all the things you did to make her life easier. All the ways you tried to keep her comfortable and in as pleasant an environment as possible. For example, I remember you coming on here and asking for ideas for serving milk in a way that would be convenient and easy for her to get her favorite beverage.

Focus on the fact that you did everything you could, and remind yourself that things have probably been as nice for her as they could be, under the circumstances -- thanks to your help.

Yeah, sometimes it's frustrating taking care of people who are old or sick. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you're human. It's obvious that you love her and want the best for her. And your frustration didn't keep you from caring for her as well as you knew how. Take comfort from that, now and into the future.

{{{{{Delalluvia}}}}}




Offline Lynne

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #114 on: March 24, 2010, 11:21:03 pm »
Hey there, Del,

I want to offer some comfort too, though I know how tough it is when things get this bad. 

You can definitely tell me to mind my own business - no harm, no foul.  But my own mom has had to have a ventilator and feeding tube on two different occasions, while the doctors played with antibiotic cocktails to suppress her MRSA infection.

I'm only saying this because the last time was 2006? or whatever year Katrina was, and although she was weak and spent several months in a nursing home afterward, Mom was back home as quickly as possible and there still.  Actually she hasn't had anything serious since then (knock wood and cross everything possible).

Are you sure this feeding tube business is the beginning of a final outcome?  Oftentimes, there's always hope.  If my mother's doctor hadn't been so confident about the last MRSA fight, I would have denied her the last four-plus years of her life because the first time she had so much mental damage when she came back.  He saved her life, when I would chosen differently.  I'm thankful he's a man I have always been able to trust with her.

Ultimately, that doesn't matter at this moment, tho.  I think you should do your best to be grateful for the time you've had with her and the things you've been able to do for her, no matter the result.  You'll never regret that.  And, as sad as it is to say, I doubt you'll ever feel like you've done enough, no matter what you've done or do from here on out.  I think it's one of those mother/daughter things.   :-\

Keep us posted on her condition and how you're doing, please.  I'm keeping you close in my thoughts, as always.

Lynne
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Offline Kelda

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #115 on: March 25, 2010, 05:00:02 am »
((((Del))))

Def what Lynne & Katherine said...
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Offline Penthesilea

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #116 on: March 25, 2010, 07:28:29 am »
Katherine and Lynne are right. You don't have reason to feel guilty. You're only human, as we all are. Look at all the things you've done for her. I also remember the conversation about the milk supply. I know you're a loving and caring daughter, you take family duties very seriously.

Best wishes for your mom. And for you!

(((Del)))

Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #117 on: March 25, 2010, 08:36:43 am »
(((Del)))

So sorry to hear your mother has taken this turn. I'm sure this is a painful time for you both.
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline Mandy21

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #118 on: March 25, 2010, 01:46:03 pm »
She's not dying and she's not dead, but I can't stop crying because she left home so suddenly and not a single one of us ever thought she wasn't coming back and now I'm walking around the house thinking about the services she gets that I have to call to cancel, I'm looking at all the things I bought her to make her life easier, all the food and drinks she's never going to taste and I feel so guilty about being impatient with her over the last few months and I just want to die.

Del, so sorry to hear this, but I know exactly what you're going through.  My mom passed away in a nursing home, it will have been 18 months next Wednesday.  My brother and I still own our family home we grew up in, and neither of us can bring ourselves to enter it to clean it out.  Fiona put it best when she said it must feel like a mausoleum to us now, and she's spot-on.  Before I even open the front door, I can smell the memories, and I usually just sit down right there on the floor of the entryway and bawl my eyes out, then continue crying and shaking my head in disbelief for the whole 10 minutes I can be there.  It's just awful.  I definitely feel for you.  I wish I'd spent more time by her side in the nursing home, but I couldn't ever contain my tears to see her in the shape she was in.  Wish I'd been stronger.
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Offline delalluvia

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Re: Dealing With Aging Parents
« Reply #119 on: April 01, 2010, 08:35:56 am »
My mother is gone.