Author Topic: Dealing with young Kids & teenagers (A thread not just for parents!)  (Read 6874 times)

Offline Kelda

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I've always thought and I've mentioned before that it would be useful to start a thread on how to deal with children and teenagers who think they may be gay.. I think this is however best suited for the safe haven.

So, while I am not in a great position to talk about this having no children on my own (although I have three young nieces) I thought this may be z good idea for a thread. I'm going to pose some questions and people can move the thread from there.

- How to deal with young childrens innocent questions about race, gay relationships, disabilities etc etc
- My 9 year old niece is already a very image conscious little girl.. and at that age these days they are already aware of their weight - how to deal with this?
- The terrible twos or threes?
- bullying - dealing with children who are bullying or being bullied?

EDIT: We began talking on another topic (What we all do for a living) about how to discipline children and this discussion is also now included in the thread.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2007, 09:27:13 am by Kelda »
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Offline Kelda

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A lot of people here have mentioned they were bullied as a child - I was bullied in my primary school years (when I was about 9 or 10).  And it was horrible.

My mother always reminded me of this rhyme..

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me".. but of course they do. A lot.

And you could only use that little rhyme to the bullies unitl you were about 7 years old and then that became reundant because you'd get teased for using that rhyme too.

Having said that - the bullying I believe made me who I am today - someone who has thick skin and tries to take as little sh*t as possible from anyone before politely putting them in their place. And I'll stick up for others too... but its hard to imagine that you will come through the bullying when you are right there in the middle of it at the time.

Luckily for me it was name calling - never ever physical.

What would be your tips to a child being bullied today?

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Offline opinionista

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Luckily for me it was name calling - never ever physical.

For me it was name calling too. I was made fun of in school by other students because of my hearing disability. There was a small group who would crack silly jokes at my expense, mostly about the way I mispronounced words and such. However, I had a good network of friends who always came in my defense. I defended myself pretty well but sometimes I didn't hear them. And also my sister punched a lot of them too. Some members of that group were actually afraid of her. She was my bodyguard, LOL. But I never let that get to me. I just lived my life.

The problem with me is that my disability is not very evident. I speak rather well so unless you have experience with people like me, it's hard to notice. So, whenever I make a speech or understanding mistake some people think I either don't speak the language or I'm stupid. I do tell I am hard of hearing, but not always. Not because I want to pretend I'm not deaf but because I don't see why i have to wear a sign saying: Beware: I don't hear very well. Also, most of the time I get along just fine, but there are people that do not move their lips clearly or speak too fast or too slow or too low or too loud (yes too loud makes it hard for me to understand), so then I inform them about my problem and tell them the best way for them to get me understand whatever they're saying.

« Last Edit: July 25, 2007, 10:15:05 am by opinionista »
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Offline Kelda

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For me it was name calling too. I was made fun of in school by other students because of my hearing disability. There was a small group who would crack silly jokes at my expense, mostly about the way I mispronounced words and such. However, I had a good network of friends who always came in my defense. I defended myself pretty well but sometimes I didn't hear them. And also my sister punched a lot of them too. Some members of that group were actually afraid of her. She was my bodyguard, LOL. But I never let that get to me. I just lived my life.

The problem with me is that my disability is not very evident. I speak rather well so unless you have experience with people like me, it's hard to notice. So, whenever I make a speech or understanding mistake some people think I either don't speak the language or I'm stupid. I do tell I am hard of hearing, but not always. Not because I want to pretend I'm not deaf but because I don't see why i have to wear a sign saying: Beware: I don't hear very well. Also, most of the time I get along just fine, but there are people that do not move their lips clearly or speak too fast or too slow or too low or too loud (yes too loud makes it hard for me to understand), so then I inform them about my problem and tell them the best way for them to get me understand whatever they're saying.



Kids can be so cruel - but sometimes they are just inquisitive. I know that my middle niece has asked very loudly one day in a shop...

Mummy, what is wrong with that boy?


It was a severly disabled young boy in a wheel chair....

Instead of shooshing her and being embarassed my sister just explained to Kinvara and I think the Mum of the boy was pleasantly surprised as to how Eilidh had dealt with it.
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Offline opinionista

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Kids can be so cruel - but sometimes they are just inquisitive. I know that my middle niece has asked very loudly one day in a shop...

Mummy, what is wrong with that boy?


It was a severly disabled young boy in a wheel chair....

Instead of shooshing her and being embarassed my sister just explained to Kinvara and I think the Mum of the boy was pleasantly surprised as to how Eilidh had dealt with it.

I have a friend who has three little kids. They're all four years old (they're triplets, 2 girls, 1 boy) and everytime I go visit them, the kids sit around me touching and looking at my hearing aids. They always ask why I wear them. I explain it is like glasses for the ear. Instead of help me see better, they help me hear better. But that does not stop them from asking again and again. They seem to be fascinated by the hearing aids. Their mom told me they have a school mate who wear hearing aids too, and that she overheard one of the triplets explaning another kid about hearing aids being something like glasses for the ear. She said her girl  repeated my exact words and went on explaining why some people can't hear well (I told them this too)
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -Mark Twain.

Offline David In Indy

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Re: What do we all do for a living?
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2007, 03:55:03 am »
I don't have any kids. I have a dog though, and occasionally he acts like a child. He does naughty things and every once in awhile I'm tempted to swat his ass with a roll of newspaper. But I don't do it. I've never hit my dog thus far. Yell at him, yes. Hit him, no. I believe hitting and paddling accomplish NOTHING.

Back when I was a child, it was a common custom to hit children, and I got my fair share of swattings. My mother used to wash my mouth out with soap too if I was caught lying or saying a swear word. When I was around 10, they developed liquid hand soap and my mother used that on me. She'd rub the roof of my mouth with the soap so I couldn't get it out. That was a strange custom wasn't it? And it didn't work either. I still swear like a drunken sailor.

As long as a child KNOWS his or her parent is truly displeased with him or her, he or she will remember this. A child naturally wants to please his or her parents. The show of displeasure is sufficient punishment in my opinion.  :)
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Offline David In Indy

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Re: What do we all do for a living?
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2007, 04:03:06 am »
Oh, and I do believe in time outs for naughty behavior. And even canning them to their rooms for the day if necessary. But never swatting.  :)
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Offline Kelda

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Do people use the super nanny trick of time outs? I have tried it with my nieces and they just get obnoxious! which makes me get angrier!
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mvansand76

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A few months ago my boyfriend and I started taking our 16 year old neighbour kid under our wings. I think it's interesting to see how a 16 year old thinks, and we try to talk to him a lot about school, dating and social issues. When he says something denegrating about a woman, I usually confront him with it and ask him why he said it. He talks to us about school and the things he wants to do after he finishes it. Jan-Willem is giving him interesting books to read (and he never ever read a book for fun before he met us!  :)) and I even convinced him to watch BBM when he made a nasty remark about homosexuality. He hasn't watched it yet, but he knows how much I talk about it, so he will someday, I just know it!  :D

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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              Kelda my experience has been it works best, if its not used every time.  Mix it up with other types of punishments.  If its the only one used they seem to lose the unique feel for it.  Then they just get obstinate about it.  Sitting in a certain place one time, going to their room another, or made to do some kind of giving up of a special treat they have been counting on.  Mix it up.



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