Singles R Us

[Lynne]

This is probably only marginally relevant, but I don't feel single anymore. After about fifteen years of casual dating and not even looking for a real partner, the mindset was that I found love once - so what were the chances?  Besides, I work very well on my own.

Now that has changed. I love my ex-husband dearly, but I never knew things could be as good as they are now. Frankly, I'm scared spitless that I will mess this up.

I find I'm consulting him before Brokie trips - not for permission, but just because I want him with me if possible.

This is the first time ever I can envision growing old with someone. Not anytime soon of course. 

I don't know what my point is, except that everything has changed and I am thrown by it. I'm not sure I know how to be part of a couple anymore logistically, except of course the basics - mutual respect and love and consideration.

[Penthesilea]

And the search continues......

Like your attitude!


Here are some more to try:



Even if they don't turn out to be a prince, at least they're yummy. And one never knows ....

 

[Penthesilea]

This is probably only marginally relevant, but I don't feel single anymore. After about fifteen years of casual dating and not even looking for a real partner, the mindset being that I found love once, so what are the chances? Besides, I work very well on my own.

Now that has changed. I love my ex husband dearly, but I never knew things could be this good. Frankly, I'm scared spitless that I will mess this up.
I find I'm consulting him before Brokie trips - not for permission, but just because I want him with me.

This is the first time ever I can envision growing old with someone. Not anytime soon of course.

I don't know what my point is, except that everything has changed and I am thrown by it. I'm not sure I know how to be part of a couple anymore logistically, except of course the basics - mutual respect and love and consideration.

You and your ex-husband ....... ?

You happy?
I hope so!
 

[Lynne]

You and your ex-husband ....... ?

You happy?
I hope so!
 

I'm sorry, Chrissi - I wasn't clear - which is what happens when I try to make long posts from my phone.

No, my ex-husband is happily remarried, a father, and living in the SF Bay area.  We had a great marriage and we're still on good terms, friendly.

It's impossible not to compare this new relationship to the old one, although I realize it's not completely fair- that was a different time and place and circumstance - but on so many ways it is better.  I have never felt this chrerished, loved, adored even, protected.  And yes, I've never been happier.

The big BUT tho is that many of the issues involved in my divorce remain unresolved - primarily my commitments to my family of origin.  I'm scared that history might repeat itself.  I hope I'm older and wiser.  And my new guy didn't come from Greenwich, Connecticut and the luxury and wealth that comes with that...we are better matched socio-economically.  He's from an immigrant family with a solid work ethic - and he and most of his siblings are brilliant and successful. 

[Front-Ranger]

This is probably only marginally relevant, but I don't feel single anymore. After about fifteen years of casual dating and not even looking for a real partner, the mindset was that I found love once - so what were the chances?  Besides, I work very well on my own.

Now that has changed. ...
I find I'm consulting him before Brokie trips - not for permission, but just because I want him with me if possible.

This is the first time ever I can envision growing old with someone. Not anytime soon of course. 

Yee-haw, friend!! 

[Lynne]

Yee-haw, friend!! 

Thanks, Lee.   

[Penthesilea]

I'm sorry, Chrissi - I wasn't clear - which is what happens when I try to make long posts from my phone.

No, my ex-husband is happily remarried, a father, and living in the SF Bay area.  We had a great marriage and we're still on good terms, friendly.

It's impossible not to compare this new relationship to the old one, although I realize it's not completely fair- that was a different time and place and circumstance - but on so many ways it is better. 

Ah, now it sounds clearer (and better, to be honest - I mean new guy sounds better than rewarming what has already broken)

I have never felt this chrerished, loved, adored even, protected.  And yes, I've never been happier.

Now this sounds really good! I second Lee's Yee-Haw!

The big BUT tho is that many of the issues involved in my divorce remain unresolved - primarily my commitments to my family of origin.  I'm scared that history might repeat itself.  I hope I'm older and wiser.  And my new guy didn't come from Greenwich, Connecticut and the luxury and wealth that comes with that...we are better matched socio-economically.  He's from an immigrant family with a solid work ethic - and he and most of his siblings are brilliant and successful. 

Still lots of work, eh? But we humans are all working on our issues, evolving and growing all our life. At least that's how it should be.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

[Front-Ranger]

Do you not have the option for an age range in your dating profile?

Most people I know who do such dating have similar experiences.  A friend had great chemistry and communication via internet with this guy and he was anxious to meet her.  She finally met him and he spent the date ignoring her.

This other guy in Houston kept up a vigorous communication with my sister, until she sent him a picture and he dropped out of sight within a day.

You got to have thick skin and a lot of patience.

If the Internet had been around when I met my husband, I'm sure I would have rejected him. Younger than me, he worked in the alcohol business and smoked. Three strikes against him. However, him being younger didn't make a difference in our marriage, because I have a younger outlook than most women my age. He diversified out of the alcohol business, and he stopped smoking before we married at my request. The Internet puts up artificial barriers. These stories also show that the converse is true. Oftentimes, people who fit in your formula just don't click, they don't have that certain unnameable something, that chemistry.

Then, there's the concept that Annie Proulx explored in our favorite story. Jack and Ennis came together on paper before they met in person. Their meeting was less than ideal, hardly a word was spoken. Based on the first ten minutes of the film, what chances would you have given their relationship to succeed, much less blossom into a mating for life? But it did. I think Annie Proulx's premise was that the enforced relationship on the mountain where neither one could leave worked magic. It made them get to know each other and FIND the hidden chemistry. I think it also caused each one of them to change so that they complemented each other, balanced each other. That's why she had them change roles.

[Jeff Wrangler]

The Internet puts up artificial barriers. These stories also show that the converse is true. Oftentimes, people who fit in your formula just don't click, they don't have that certain unnameable something, that chemistry.

These are very wise words. 

[delalluvia]

If the Internet had been around when I met my husband, I'm sure I would have rejected him. Younger than me, he worked in the alcohol business and smoked. Three strikes against him. However, him being younger didn't make a difference in our marriage, because I have a younger outlook than most women my age. He diversified out of the alcohol business, and he stopped smoking before we married at my request. The Internet puts up artificial barriers. These stories also show that the converse is true. Oftentimes, people who fit in your formula just don't click, they don't have that certain unnameable something, that chemistry.

Then, there's the concept that Annie Proulx explored in our favorite story. Jack and Ennis came together on paper before they met in person. Their meeting was less than ideal, hardly a word was spoken. Based on the first ten minutes of the film, what chances would you have given their relationship to succeed, much less blossom into a mating for life? But it did. I think Annie Proulx's premise was that the enforced relationship on the mountain where neither one could leave worked magic. It made them get to know each other and FIND the hidden chemistry. I think it also caused each one of them to change so that they complemented each other, balanced each other. That's why she had them change roles.

Yeah, but he has to narrow the field down somehow.  Stats show that people in successful long term relationships come from similar backgrounds, similar age ranges, similar economic situations.