Author Topic: Do You Believe in Marriage?  (Read 8414 times)

Offline delalluvia

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2007, 08:16:18 am »

        Contrary to my usual voice.  I have only two things to say on this question..The institution of marriage should
be available to whoever wants it..  And the reverse should also be available to others who dont want it...Both
ways should be the individuals own choice.  With no recriminations, or disdain by others.. Certainly not the law.

         Yes I have been married for over 50 years.  Yes I think it has its advantages for raising children..But that is
a two sided sword also..It totally depends on the marriage.. The fact of being married, gives you a certain amount
of stability and it provides you a helpmeet..Having said that..it also can be a problem for people trying to explore
themself..There is a certain amount of stifeling goes on..It all depends on what you place the most value on..
Your independance, or your partnership...?


Well said.  In other threads, I've been complaining about the differences between me and my sister, and I think one of the major issues between us is that my sister has never been alone in her life.  She went straight from home to college, college roommates, then boyfriend, lliving with said boyfriend, then fiance, then husband and after the divorce her child.  She has never been alone and as such, depends heavily on the resources in the relationships she defines as partnerships or other familial relationships.

I moved out of the home while still in college and have lived alone for the entire time, except for 1.5 years when I did live with a boyfriend or roommates. 

The same sharing and availability that she knew in marriage she expects from me.

On a recent trip, at night, I wanted to wind down in peace and quiet and read.  She wanted to watch TV and talk.

I consider her expectations presumptous, annoying and selfish.

e.g.  she recently changed jobs.  Lot more money, but she lost the company car and laptop.  She immediately expected me to open my home to her whenever she needs to use a computer now.

I expect her to use her extra money to buy her own as I don't want to see her as often as she needs to use my computer.   

moremojo

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #11 on: October 24, 2007, 10:27:30 am »
Marriage is an anachronism, a relic from a patriarchal era in which women (and children) were treated as chattel,  and families felt the need to forge alliances out of social or economic agendas. Marriage had nothing to do with romantic love until very recently in history. I am also totally opposed to married people getting benefits denied to unmarried folk--in fact, I'd like to see the state completely remove itself from the sanctioning of marriage (let religious institutions continue to endorse it if they choose).

I have nothing against two (or more) people entering into a form of marriage if that's what they want to do, but I don't see why I should be called upon to celebrate or applaud it. And I don't think they should get special treatment over those who do not marry.

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2007, 12:18:11 pm »
Thank you Scott for being the first man to post, I will try and weigh in with my jumbuled thoughts.

I do not believe in marriage as something you just do. My parents married because it was what people did at a certain age and it also got him a deferment from the draft.

What I believe is, if you find someone that you love so much that you want to tell the world, shout it from the roof tops, and they feel the same way, then you are good candidates for marriage. To stand up in front of a bunch of people and tell one another the things that are in your heart, must be a powerful thing. I mean, I imagine it as a powerful, liberating and validating thing.

I also think it should be just as easy to get out of but I know better than to think that can happen.  :)
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

Scott6373

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2007, 01:43:08 pm »
Simple answer:  No...so why am I?  Million bucks if someone can answer that

Offline Wishes

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2007, 07:22:34 pm »
Considering the house I grew up in, I'll say no. I found nothing good about it and certainly had no inclination to do that to myself.

I'm all for the freedom to marry and I of coarse believe gay and straight should be allowed to marry. With the divorce rate as it is in the U.S. (I believe >50%) it seems like a poor gamble. The only time I know actual peace is when I'm inside with the cats and no one can get to me.

Offline delalluvia

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2007, 09:19:16 pm »
Marriage is an anachronism, a relic from a patriarchal era in which women (and children) were treated as chattel,  and families felt the need to forge alliances out of social or economic agendas. Marriage had nothing to do with romantic love until very recently in history. I am also totally opposed to married people getting benefits denied to unmarried folk--in fact, I'd like to see the state completely remove itself from the sanctioning of marriage (let religious institutions continue to endorse it if they choose).

I have nothing against two (or more) people entering into a form of marriage if that's what they want to do, but I don't see why I should be called upon to celebrate or applaud it. And I don't think they should get special treatment over those who do not marry.

Oooooooh, I agree 100%!!!

Not sure why married couples are favored...I think it's simply because it's the social structure that the govt. placed its tax base on.  Supposedly a more stable group (because they will have children) and thus less likely to just pick up and go.  The govt. should cut single women and older single men the same privileges.  Not sure about single young men though.  History shows that it's usually the young single men who are the most destructive.  In earlier days, roping them into responsibilities young with marriage was a way of ameliorating their impact on society.

Offline Ellemeno

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2007, 03:48:16 am »
In some ways, marriage is a lot easier than living alone.  In some ways, it's a lot harder.  I got married to someone I love, but there were definitely pragmatic reasons involved in the choice.  And I took his last name, even though I don't like his last name, because I wanted even that to show we are a family.  (I tried to get him to choose a new last name together with me, but he would have none of it.)

I would say more of my coupled friends are NOT married than are.  And I'm not sure that the differences I see between those relationships is because of that or not.  I'm glad we're married, but like I said, love a lot of people who don't want to be.


Offline delalluvia

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #17 on: October 27, 2007, 12:11:15 pm »
In some ways, marriage is a lot easier than living alone.  In some ways, it's a lot harder.  I got married to someone I love, but there were definitely pragmatic reasons involved in the choice.  And I took his last name, even though I don't like his last name, because I wanted even that to show we are a family.  (I tried to get him to choose a new last name together with me, but he would have none of it.)

I would say more of my coupled friends are NOT married than are.  And I'm not sure that the differences I see between those relationships is because of that or not.  I'm glad we're married, but like I said, love a lot of people who don't want to be.

Not to veer off on a tangent again, but once his idea of what 'showed' you 'are a family' didn't match yours  - he didn't think sharing the same name mattered - why did you bother to change yours?

Offline Lynne

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #18 on: October 27, 2007, 12:37:28 pm »
I voted 'It's complicated.'  If society is going to endorse marriage at all, then for me it goes without saying that it should be equally available without regard to sexual orientation, etc.  Like others have said, though, it's a patriarchal institution we inherited from the days when women were chattel and used to strengthen alliances and fortunes and had little to do with love.  I don't think married people should have preferential tax status over single people.

I think that the soaring divorce rate in this country has a lot of contributing factors and that it may indicate that marriage no longer serves us well as a society.  Two reasons that come to mind are the economic independence of women and the increased lifespan.  How realistic it is to think that two people who love each other at twenty will still feel that way at forty and sixty and eighty?  It seems equally likely that you'll grow together or grow apart - hence the coin toss probability.

I'm divorced and although it was as amicable as humanly possible, it still completely sucks to feel like you've 'failed' at something that was so important to you.  But looking back and trying to be objective, we didn't fail as individuals, we just bought into something that could not stay true for us.  Reminds me of Ennis saying 'Once burned...' - I cannot imagine ever being in that same place when I would try again.

Edit:  I recently attended the wedding of a good friend and it was terrific to see him so happy - deliriously happy, really.  I hope it lasts for them.
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Offline opinionista

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Re: Do You Believe in Marriage?
« Reply #19 on: October 27, 2007, 12:47:11 pm »
I see marriage as an experience, not necessarily an obligation if that makes sense. I really see no difference between living with a partner and actually getting married (AKA, have a wedding and all that just to live together). Obviously there are legal differences but besides that, it is the same thing, IMO that is.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -Mark Twain.