Now what?

[Ellemeno]

Hunh?

[MaineWriter]

I actually feel kind of like myself this morning. Yesterday was a really tough day but I had a few long talks on the phone with close friends last night, and that helped.

Life goes on and I am feeling like I am ready to pick up the pieces and move ahead.

I am still thinking about a Heath tattoo, though.

L

[yb]

I'm glad I was not here when all the arguments were done yesterday.

[belbbmfan]

I actually feel kind of like myself this morning. Yesterday was a really tough day but I had a few long talks on the phone with close friends last night, and that helped.

Life goes on and I am feeling like I am ready to pick up the pieces and move ahead.

I am still thinking about a Heath tattoo, though.

L

Yes me too Leslie.

Keep us posted on the tattoo. 

[Verona]

I'm glad I was not here when all the arguments were done yesterday.

 

Anyway, I think it's been hard to move on with everything up in the air (and in such turmoil) for two weeks, and the fact that his body still isn't in the ground. We've been waiting for closure. Hopefully by this weekend we can all begin to deal with it. I can't put my mind to fully processing it until I feel he's finally at peace... and with all the hideousness that has surrounded his passing, I don't feel that yet. It's all still too fresh. It's still "going on." After the funeral, things will begin to fall into place.

[Lynne]

I am still thinking about a Heath tattoo, though.

Moving ahead yet always remembering is the only choice.  I posted elsewhere that I felt initially a 'letdown' of sorts after I got my tattoo in early January...it almost seemed like some sort of closure of Brokeback Mountain to me.   

After Heath's death, however, I no longer feel ambivalent about it - I am now so happy to have done it.  I don't know how that applies here, but I thought I'd share...

[Brown Eyes]

Yes, I agree with Lynne that we'll slowly begin to return to some kind of normal (or a "new normal") with time.  I think part of the "new normal" will involve incorporating our collective grief as well as a sense of urgency to memorialize Heath into our activities as Brokies.  I think it's too soon to know how all of this will play out.  It seems to me that the community is still reeling and in shock at the moment.  I mean, the funeral hasn't even happened yet.

Once the media attention moves on and we move forward in the grieving process we'll begin to get a better sense of what things will be like in a more permanent sense, around here.

I think some of the recent tensions, debates and arguments might actually be a manifestation of the "anger" phase of grieving that we're sort of moving through as a big group.  It just seems to be one of those stages you can't avoid going through.  And, it seems logical that this would come up most forcefully with the release of the toxicology report.  I'm no expert on grieving... so I'm not sure what the remaining phases are.  But, I do think "healing or acceptance" is the ultimate end of the process.  And, I think we'll certainly get there together.  It will never be easy along the way.

[Lynne]

I'm no expert either, Amanda, but I think you're onto something about the anger and raised tensions the past couple of weeks.  People are ultra-sensitive right now, feeling hurt and raw, so any little thing is like poking at an open wound.

As time passes, I feel certain our community will emerge forever changed yet stronger for have gone through such a tragedy together.  I've been absent from most of the Heath Grieving threads because I'm not at a place where I can deal with it yet - we're all on individual schedules there.  But I have observed that despite the some low-startle-point moments, overwhelmingly folks have rallied around each other, offering support and comfort, and I'm proud to see that.

[MaineWriter]

Yes, I agree with Lynne that we'll slowly begin to return to some kind of normal (or a "new normal") with time.  I think part of the "new normal" will involve incorporating our collective grief as well as a sense of urgency to memorialize Heath into our activities as Brokies.  I think it's too soon to know how all of this will play out.  It seems to me that the community is still reeling and in shock at the moment.  I mean, the funeral hasn't even happened yet.

Once the media attention moves on and we move forward in the grieving process we'll begin to get a better sense of what things will be like in a more permanent sense, around here.

I think some of the recent tensions, debates and arguments might actually be a manifestation of the "anger" phase of grieving that we're sort of moving through as a big group.  It just seems to be one of those stages you can't avoid going through.  And, it seems logical that this would come up most forcefully with the release of the toxicology report.  I'm no expert on grieving... so I'm not sure what the remaining phases are.  But, I do think "healing or acceptance" is the ultimate end of the process.  And, I think we'll certainly get there together.  It will never be easy along the way.

The phases are:

Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

You move through them more or less in order, although you can go backwards. They are not static and fixed. And I agree, we did have a big community outburst of anger, yesterday, which is understandable, given the circumstances.

L

[Penthesilea]

Hunh?

If only I knew. I'm not yet ready to pick up the pieces and move on. Ask me again next week.

And for us as a community? We'll muddle through for a while longer, finding a path to the new normal while moving along. What the new normal will be and when we reach it might be different for all of us. We've always been a diverse community. Some mostly strolling in the blogs, some playing, some still discussing the roots of the story and movie, and some at home in all corners of our community.

We'll just continue to be Brokies. And some of us, Heathens.