Family Squabbles

[Katie77]

While reading about the unrest in the Ledger family, it brings to the realization that there are skeletons or infighting in so many families. Fortunately, most of us can keep these things private, but unfortunately for those in the public eye, they make front page headlines.

So.......this brings me to this new topic......for those who want to discuss or write about their own family situations and squabbles. Are any of us immune to them?....why does it happen?.......and how do they get resolved?

To start with I will briefly tell you about my most recent one....

We live in the same town as my my husbands mother (my MIL), and my husbands sister (my SIL).

About 18 months ago my SIL stopped talking to her mother (MIL), stopped going around to visit her even though she lived only five minutes from her. Because the MIL is 81 years old, my husband took exeption to his sister being so nasty and unreasonable, and ended up having an argument with her, and so she stopped talking to my husband as well.

Then about 8 months ago, the sister just turned up on the MIL's doorstep, no words of apology, or reason why she had ignored her mother for ten months, and ever since has kept up a reasonable relationship with her.  The MIL accepted her return without any questions or animosity.

My husband is pleased that at least his mother now has the contact with her daughter, and has no problem with them having a nice relationship.

BUT.....the SIL still refuses to talk to my husband......it sure doesn't make for "happy families" situation.

[Shasta542]

Your SIL never divulged why she'd been mean to your MIL?

Family drama!!! I hardly know ANYONE who has completely escaped it.

I just try to stay away from most of my family.

We like each other better that way.  

[Katie77]

NO !!.....no reasonable explanation, only that she had "better" things to do with her time, and she was tired of being expected to do things for her mother.....

Considering her mother, even at 81, lives independently, and still drives her own car, there was not a lot of things that she was "expected" to do.

[Shasta542]

NO !!.....no reasonable explanation, only that she had "better" things to do with her time, and she was tired of being expected to do things for her mother.....

Considering her mother, even at 81, lives independently, and still drives her own car, there was not a lot of things that she was "expected" to do.

You just don't treat your mother that way.

[forsythia12]

well, for me.....my sister's and i often have issues.  we're all close now, but they are 10yrs older than me, so there's always been tension, as far as i'm concerned, when three of us are together.  like the odd one out kinda thing.  and whenever one of us is mad at the other, we phone the other to bitch about it.....but nothing major. 

my inlaws drive me nuts.
we live one hour away from them.  we've had our 'run-in's' , that's for sure. 
when i had my first baby, it was their first grandchild, and they spent every waking moment with her.  well, we then moved on hour away, and in that time, i had my 2nd child, which was at the same time my husband's brother and his wife had their 1st baby.  well since that kid has been born, my kids apparently dropped off the face of the earth.  i can't even get them to babysit........ever.  they've never had my 2nd daughter alone, not for an hour, not for a day, not for a night.  they rarely see my 1st daughter anymore at all....but see the other grandaughter 3-4 times a week.  they babysit for free, drop everything to see her....and when we come for a visit, my mother-in-law phones the brother-in-law and asks him to bring their daughter over too.
i call this phenomenon "stella-fest" 'cause the kid's name is stella, and she practically comes out all propped up on a princess pillow when she arrives by horse and carriage!  lol
i remember one christmas we went there in the morning, after our presents were opened, and an hours' drive.  well, my youngest who was almost 3yrs old, was having typical meltdowns by the time dinner rolled around.  well, since my brother-in-law and his wife live in town, they showed up right at dinner with stella.....who had just woken from a nap, and was fresh as can be.  well, here's my kid, whining away, and recieving comments like "someone's sure cranky isn't she?"......"what's the matter with her?".........while talk of stella went something like this "wow...look at the ball of sunshine we have over here!  what a joy she is on christmas day!"

oh puke!!!!!!!!!

anyways,.......this will be forever ongoing, so i'll post more stories about it in due time.
lol

[Shasta542]

i call this phenomenon "stella-fest" 'cause the kid's name is stella, and she practically comes out all propped up on a princess pillow when she arrives by horse and carriage!  lol

  That's so funny!

(But your in-laws should be ashamed to make differences like that in the grandchildren--inexcusable to do that to sweet little kids.)

Is Stella's dad the "chosen one" as well?

[forsythia12]

i call this phenomenon "stella-fest" 'cause the kid's name is stella, and she practically comes out all propped up on a princess pillow when she arrives by horse and carriage!  lol

  That's so funny!

(But your in-laws should be ashamed to make differences like that in the grandchildren--inexcusable to do that to sweet little kids.)

Is Stella's dad the "chosen one" as well?

yes.......he is!  go figure!

[injest]

My sister has three girls with three daddies (yeah  ) 18, 13, and 6. For Easter, my sister got a $300 haircut and color and a new outfit; the stepdad got a new suit, shirt and tie; the oldest got a new fancy dress (in addition to a new gown for Prom); the YOUNGEST got TWO new dresses....the middle? Nada. wore blue jeans and a shirt.

 

[forsythia12]

My sister has three girls with three daddies (yeah  ) 18, 13, and 6. For Easter, my sister got a $300 haircut and color and a new outfit; the stepdad got a new suit, shirt and tie; the oldest got a new fancy dress (in addition to a new gown for Prom); the YOUNGEST got TWO new dresses....the middle? Nada. wore blue jeans and a shirt.

 

yep.  sounds familiar.
why do parents and grandparents do that? don't they see how darn obvious it is?
my mom has 8 grandaughters.......and treats them all equally.  she's excited about each one of them.  no favorites.
my inlaws suck.....
and the shitty thing is, because of my husband's job, we could be transferred anywhere in the country at any given moment...yet, right now, we're only an hour away.....and do you think they take advantage of this good fortune while it lasts?  no.
i almost wish for a transfer to the opposite coast, so the next time they see my girls they'll be 18.  then maybe they'll regret not taking this opportunity to get to know them.
sounds vindictive, but i'm very pissed about this issue in our family.

[delalluvia]

While reading about the unrest in the Ledger family, it brings to the realization that there are skeletons or infighting in so many families. Fortunately, most of us can keep these things private, but unfortunately for those in the public eye, they make front page headlines.

So.......this brings me to this new topic......for those who want to discuss or write about their own family situations and squabbles. Are any of us immune to them?....why does it happen?.......and how do they get resolved?

To start with I will briefly tell you about my most recent one....

We live in the same town as my my husbands mother (my MIL), and my husbands sister (my SIL).

About 18 months ago my SIL stopped talking to her mother (MIL), stopped going around to visit her even though she lived only five minutes from her. Because the MIL is 81 years old, my husband took exeption to his sister being so nasty and unreasonable, and ended up having an argument with her, and so she stopped talking to my husband as well.

Then about 8 months ago, the sister just turned up on the MIL's doorstep, no words of apology, or reason why she had ignored her mother for ten months, and ever since has kept up a reasonable relationship with her.  The MIL accepted her return without any questions or animosity.

My husband is pleased that at least his mother now has the contact with her daughter, and has no problem with them having a nice relationship.

BUT.....the SIL still refuses to talk to my husband......it sure doesn't make for "happy families" situation.

Not sure.  Usually family squabbles come from one or more parties being unreasonable and/or vindictive because their expectations were not met by other members of their families and other family members are unable or unwilling to confront the other members of the family.  Not sure such things can be eradicated because people can be emotional and ridiculous and self-absorbed.

A friend of my sister's is about to be married next weekend;  a car wreck waiting to happen as they're still going to couple's counseling and trying to deal with their cultural differences.  Both own their own houses.  The friend owns a bigger, nicer home. 

Currently, with the wedding this close, the friend is seriously stressed from having had to plan the entire wedding herself with little help from her family or fiance.  A few days ago, out of the blue, her fiance told her that he had invited his parents and family who are flying in from the old country to stay with her because "she has the bigger house".  Without first asking her.

His parents mailed her a check saying "Here's the money we would have spent on a hotel."

The friend is absolutely flabbergasted that her fiance has saddled her with a house full of company that she now has to provide for and entertain on top of everything else.  She has no support from him, because he invited them, they're his family!  He can't uninvite them from his future wife's home!

This is one of those situations.  Expectations unmet and unreasonable demands.