Author Topic: My Dad is gone.  (Read 9308 times)

Offline ednbarby

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 3,586
My Dad is gone.
« on: September 29, 2008, 11:36:35 pm »
I got word at about 2:00 p.m. Friday, September 5, that my Dad had passed away a little earlier that day, peacefully, and in his sleep.

He had Grade 4 brain cancer (for those who don't know) - glioblastoma multiforme - it was diagnosed late last November, and he underwent surgery, radiation, and three rounds of chemo before giving up on that (it nearly killed him the third time around) and letting the cancer take over.

He had asked to be brought home from Hospice several weeks ago - insisted on it, really. It was hard for my stepmom at first, but she hired round-the-clock nursing care for him and that eased her anxiety a bit.

He had basically been paralyzed since about July.  He could feel his arms and legs, but could not move his legs at all and could not sit up on his own in bed.  So he was bedridden.  His speech really started to go a few months ago.

My oldest brother finally went to see him the weekend before he died.  He had not seen him since last August (2007), and didn't go after multiple requests for him from my Dad and stepmom.  He left on a  Sunday, and my Dad refused to eat or drink starting the following Monday.  He was started on morphine on Wednesday because he was moaning in pain/discomfort and having difficulty breathing.

I have been preparing for this for a while.  I hope it doesn't sound cold, but I feel mostly relieved that he is finally at peace.  I know he hated what his life had become.  I'm thankful that I went to see him several times over the last 9  months, and that we had some really nice talks before he got to the point that he could neither talk nor listen anymore.

His funeral was on a Tuesday in Charlotte, NC, and it was beautiful.

Wake me up when September ends.
No more beans!

Offline southendmd

  • Town Administration
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 18,959
  • well, I won't
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2008, 11:48:59 pm »
Oh, Barb, I'm so sorry for you. 

Today is the anniversary of my Dad's death, so I share your grief.

Paul

Offline David In Indy

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 18,447
  • You've Got Male
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2008, 11:52:43 pm »
{{{{BARB}}}}

I'm so sorry! :'( :'(

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

injest

  • Guest
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2008, 11:59:38 pm »
I got word at about 2:00 p.m. Friday, September 5, that my Dad had passed away a little earlier that day, peacefully, and in his sleep.

He had Grade 4 brain cancer (for those who don't know) - glioblastoma multiforme - it was diagnosed late last November, and he underwent surgery, radiation, and three rounds of chemo before giving up on that (it nearly killed him the third time around) and letting the cancer take over.

He had asked to be brought home from Hospice several weeks ago - insisted on it, really. It was hard for my stepmom at first, but she hired round-the-clock nursing care for him and that eased her anxiety a bit.

He had basically been paralyzed since about July.  He could feel his arms and legs, but could not move his legs at all and could not sit up on his own in bed.  So he was bedridden.  His speech really started to go a few months ago.

My oldest brother finally went to see him the weekend before he died.  He had not seen him since last August (2007), and didn't go after multiple requests for him from my Dad and stepmom.  He left on a  Sunday, and my Dad refused to eat or drink starting the following Monday.  He was started on morphine on Wednesday because he was moaning in pain/discomfort and having difficulty breathing.

I have been preparing for this for a while.  I hope it doesn't sound cold, but I feel mostly relieved that he is finally at peace.  I know he hated what his life had become.  I'm thankful that I went to see him several times over the last 9  months, and that we had some really nice talks before he got to the point that he could neither talk nor listen anymore.

His funeral was on a Tuesday in Charlotte, NC, and it was beautiful.

Wake me up when September ends.


I DO understand. When my grandmother passed away, I felt the same. She had been bedridden and out of it for years. She thought snakes were on her...and that she could see cows and her kids out the window. It was not life.

Please don't be hard on yourself for that....it is a perfectly understandable feeling..




Offline Gabreya

  • Brokeback Got Me Good
  • *****
  • Posts: 552
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2008, 12:00:05 am »
I'm sorry about that. You, too, southen and injest. :'( It's gonna be okay.
You'll be okay, though. It'll get better. My heart goes out to you and those who're suffering similar losses. :(

Offline Lynne

  • BetterMost Supporter
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 9,291
  • "The world's always ending." --Ianto Jones
    • Elizabeth Warren for Massachusetts
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2008, 12:04:19 am »
Dearest Barb,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father.  Please know that I am keeping you and your family close in my heart as you go through this difficult time.  I bet he was grateful to have his daughter, grandchild, and other loved ones with him.  Please let us know if there's anything we can do.

{{{{Barb}}}}

All my best,
Lynne
« Last Edit: September 30, 2008, 11:05:52 am by Lynne »
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline serious crayons

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 22,711
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2008, 12:07:00 am »
Barb, I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you.

My mother died last spring, after suffering from Alzheimer's for 10 years. I understand what you mean about having your grief tinged with relief.




Offline Front-Ranger

  • BetterMost Moderator
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 30,287
  • Brokeback got us good.
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2008, 01:04:06 am »
Thank you friend Barb for telling your BetterMost family so we could send our thoughts and wishes to you. Be at peace yourself.

"chewing gum and duct tape"

Offline Penthesilea

  • Town Administration
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 14,745
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2008, 01:22:41 am »

You don't sound cold at all and I can understand that your grief is mixed with relief. Don't feel guilty about that. It's all right.
My condolences go to you and your family.

{{{Barb}}} :-*

Offline Katie77

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,998
  • Love is a force of Nature
Re: My Dad is gone.
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2008, 02:31:25 am »
So sorry for your loss Barb.......May you Dad now rest in peace.....

{{{Barb}}}}
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection