Of all the great ideas in your post, Ruthlessly, I especially love the ones in this passage:
Then Jack, Jack who had just dismantled their life together, comes up and makes a game of it. Sure, we all know Jack was just trying to get in a playful tussle, but it was the wrong time for it. Ennis wasn’t ready for leaving the mountain and he had no idea what lay ahead in the real world for him, or for him and Jack. So he lashed out at the object of his disillusionment (at that time) –- Jack. ...
...When they got back to Jack’s truck, watch Ennis very closely. Look at his body language and the few words he uses. And remember he had just had the wind knocked out of him by having his life with Jack abruptly ended. And, what did Ennis always allow Jack to do? What did Ennis always WANT Jack to do? Take the lead. And this is where Jack made the biggest mistake of his life, this is where he failed Ennis the most.
... Ennis was just begging for Jack to take the lead and to say something – ANYTHING – about their relationship. Ennis needed this more than anything else.
So often I have seen that sequence described as being about Ennis struggling to detach himself their life together, to tuck in his shirt and get back to the real world. Supposedly he lashes out at Jack as a way to deny or suppress his own feelings. Supposedly their parting is awkward and uncommunicative because Ennis doesn't respond to Jack's cues about meeting again next year.
But I have never seen those scenes that way. In my view, when Ennis rides up just as Jack is dismantling the tent -- site of their most intimate moments -- he is crushed by the sight, and by Jack's nonchalance. He is hurt again when Jack fails to catch what he's hinting at in his complaint about Aguirre and the money, and again later, when Jack acts all perky and cheerful instead of upset. Ennis doesn't punch Jack because he's angry at himself or can't deal with his own feelings; he punches Jack because he's angry at
Jack for not appearing equally devastated. But of course Ennis can't broach the subject directly -- how many of us could, under the circumstances? How easy is it for anyone to express hearbreak to someone who appears not to share it? And of course it's impossible for someone like Ennis.
When they're parting in town, Ennis is NOT eager to cut the ties and get away and go back to his other life, as some have suggested. On the contrary, he lingers there, hoping Jack will break the communication barrier. His "And you?" his hesitant, "Well, I guess I'll see you around, hunh?" his long pause before turning and walking away ... he's desperate for Jack to acknowledge what they have between them, because Ennis can't do it alone.
Ennis needs Jack to take the lead, and not just because Jack is better at it and has done it all along. In this case, Jack is the only one who could say something because so far he hasn't, and Ennis can't take the risk of exposing his feelings to someone who, at this point, from what Ennis can tell, may not clearly reciprocate. (On top of that, he's afraid Jack is still sore from the punch.) Sure, Jack hints that he hopes they'll see each other again. Even if Ennis picks up on that, it's not enough. He needs Jack to come right out and say something. Neither of them is able to do that, so they part without any word or touch.
Which is why the contrast in their reunion four years later is so particularly intense and beautiful.
*MODIFIED to fix my bungled quote and /quote in the original.