Hello phoenix (and Paul)
Many years ago I fell in love with a straight guy, who was kind, more intelligent than me ( I love brainy men); he was 22 years old, very attractive in a Heathcliffe way, he played rugby, here in England, and was all I felt I needed in life. He made it clear, no! he TOLD me that rather than be touched by a queer, he'd take a gun and shoot himself.
It took me ten years and more to get over that putdown, the pain and shame was terrible. I still love him though, for afterward he was as kind as he could be, until he moved away and out of my life. Even now though, thirty years later I hope I'll meet Robert again someday and that I'll see that smile of his. At the time, all that I could give him that he wanted, was MY absence!
If, in your heart you know your friend is straight, do you really want to wallow in all that grief, do you want to give him pain, him who you love, or would it be fairer, and easier,for both of you to 'move on'. You are a nice young guy I guess, and there are lots of other young guys out there looking for someone like you. Didn't you aught to give them a chance?
My very best Wishes phoenix, and Good Luck
Oh, and I absolutely love Brokeback Mountain too, I adore Ennis and Jack, and think about them every day, even though it's nine months since the film came out here in the UK.
Sam