Author Topic: I Love You, Man (as a Friend) - NYT Article on gay/straight male friendships  (Read 4414 times)

Offline CellarDweller

  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • ********
  • Posts: 32,995
  • A city boy's mentality, with a cowboy's soul.
Emotional health is a lot like regularity.  Both constipation and loose stools are a problem.  The key is a healthy diet and disciplined and frequent release.   :)


 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I don't mean to  be insulting, but that is one hell of a comparison.


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!

Offline oilgun

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,564
Emotional health is a lot like regularity.  Both constipation and loose stools are a problem.  The key is a healthy diet and disciplined and frequent release.   :)

Emotamucil!

Offline delalluvia

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 8,289
  • "Truth is an iron bride"
Emotional health is a lot like regularity.  Both constipation and loose stools are a problem.  The key is a healthy diet and disciplined and frequent release.   :)

 :laugh: :laugh:

Moderation is indeed the key.

Only healthy emoting is worthwhile. 

Offline milomorris

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 6,426
  • No crybabies
where a guy with a lot on his mind will bare his soul to a stranger hes unlikely to encounter again, often undre the influence of alcohol.

Oh boy, and how!!!

Airports & train stations are great places to see this kind of thing happen. It especially interesting to note how much some guys open up about themselves once they find out I'm an androphile.
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Offline delalluvia

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 8,289
  • "Truth is an iron bride"
So so far, we have chatty men who only open up to strangers and/or there is perhaps one chatty guy in a small social circle who can be counted on to yak to others.

Again, this isn't going very far in proving that straight men are open communicators with their partners.

Offline milomorris

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 6,426
  • No crybabies
Again, this isn't going very far in proving that straight men are open communicators with their partners.

Del, I didn't realize that you were confining your comments to how straight men communicate with their women. The article posted was about how hetero and homo men relate to one another. And my comments were about how men express emotions in general.

There isn't whole lot for me to say regarding how hetero guys communicate with their girlfriends/wives. All I can say is that anyone who is working on a relationship with a guy who they find hard to read, might need to re-think that relationship. Perhaps this guy is not for you.
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Offline Clyde-B

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,769
  • Clyde-B when he was Jack and Ennis's age
What's not being mentioned here is that many men are taught not to share emotions - especially ones that could be seen as weaknesses.  Letting another man know your weaknesses puts you at risk, and there are some men (and women too) that will use a man's weaknesses against him.  If it's a stranger that you will never see again it doesn't matter.

As a consequence some men try not to have emotions at all.  They grow up expressing everything through humor or anger, pretending that sadness and hurt and fear do not exist.  (Too many little boys are taught that "Men don't cry." instead of the more sensible, "Don't let your enemies see you cry.")

Pretending negative emotions don't exist doesn't mean that they don't, but it does mean that these people don't know how to deal with them, because they've had no experience, because you can't deal with something you pretend isn't there.


Offline milomorris

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 6,426
  • No crybabies
Men don't pretend that their negative emotions don't exist. They know full well what they are feeling. They're just not going to let every Tom, Dick, and Harry in on it. Guarding one's emotions is not the same thing as pretending they're not there.

The bottom line here is that men have all the same emotions as women. What differs is how, when, and where we express them.
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Offline Clyde-B

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,769
  • Clyde-B when he was Jack and Ennis's age
Men don't pretend that their negative emotions don't exist. They know full well what they are feeling. They're just not going to let every Tom, Dick, and Harry in on it. Guarding one's emotions is not the same thing as pretending they're not there.

The bottom line here is that men have all the same emotions as women. What differs is how, when, and where we express them.

I beg to differ with you, I know men that used to deny what they feel and some that still do.

Part of the problem Ennis has in BBM is that he refuses to admit, even to himself, that he loves Jack until it is too late.

Offline milomorris

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 6,426
  • No crybabies
I beg to differ with you, I know men that used to deny what they feel and some that still do.

Part of the problem Ennis has in BBM is that he refuses to admit, even to himself, that he loves Jack until it is too late.

Are you talking about a verbal denial?? If so that's simply masking an emotion that they are consciously aware of.

I couldn't disagree more with your assessment of Ennis. I believe that he was very aware of his feelings for Jack. Heath's performance of the role clearly communicated that love onscreen throughout the movie. The tragedy of it is that Ennis' fear of being murdered was a stronger emotion. Fear guided his behavior rather than love. 
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.