The true reason

[serious crayons]

Nice story, Marty! It's great to see someone here so happy.

Movies that rocked my friends' worlds years ago and that made me just think (gasp!) "Yeah, it was well-done and all, but nothing to write home to Mother about" now move me profoundly on repeat viewings.

A friend of mine was recommending "What the (bleep) do we know" right and left when it came out. I went and saw it -- for me it was a BIG ehhhhhhh. I just thought it was kind of stupid (sorry to anyone here who liked it). Now I feel belated empathy for her, because I know exactly how she feels (even though I still disagree about "What the bleep" -- and also even though as far as I know she still hasn't seen BBM).

(I also feel a bit guilty, because when my friend told me she was recommending "What the" to everybody, I responded that the movie I was recommending to everybody was "Cellular." Which I actually did love. But not in a profoundly life-altering way.)

[dly64]

One is that we're led to see Jack's and Ennnis' love as so great it's almost beyond the realm of ordinary human experience -- it's not a regular old pedestrian love like most people have, where you meet and date for a while  and eventually maybe get more serious and blah blah blah. We are meant to see Ennis and Jack as almost superhuman when they're together -- soulmates, yin and yang, a force of nature, a pairing that belongs outside the confines of society and civilzation. Of course, there are practical reasons they exist outside society, mainly society's homophobia. But their association with mountains and water and sky and trees also serves to make their love seem more powerful and genuine and deep and pure.

In my view, another factor is we see how much each gives up to keep the love going -- in Ennis' case, it's being in love with Jack despite all his homophobia and shame and fear of being outed. For Jack, it's waiting for Ennis despite his disappointment and waning hope, missing Ennis so much he can hardly stand it, even after 20 years. They both struggle and sacrifice and suffer on behalf of their love (I know many would argue that Ennis doesn't sacrifice enough, but actually for him it's a lot). The value and depth of their love is proved by what they are willing to give up for it.

Another storytelling trick is subtlety and restraint and ambiguity. Because the film doesn't always tell us what characters are thinking or why they behave the way they do, we're drawn into their heads, get more involved, empathize with them at a deeper level. Most movies go out of their way to show in no uncertain terms what their characters are feeling. Viewers have it easier, but they see the characters from a more objective distance. For example, take the scene where Jack doesn't turn to watch Ennis bathing. Most movies would show him quickly glancing over and trying not to be noticable about it. If BBM did that, it would tell us something -- but it would be something we already know at that point (he's attracted to Ennis), so we'd understand what he's thinking yet we'd stay detached. The fact that Jack doesn't turn doesn't make us think he's not interested -- we already know he is. We have to make a greater effort to figure out why he does the opposite of what we'd expect, which makes us feel what he's feeling (temptation, self-restraint, frustration, bottled-up lust, whatever) at a deeper level. That same process happens again and again, every time a character acts ambiguously, which obviously is a lot, given that after all this time we're still discussing and arguing about it. What is Ennis thinking when he's eating pie in the bus station? Why didn't he respond to Jack's "miss you so much" comment? How does Jack feel about Randall's flirting? Was Jack really going to quit Ennis? The only way to answer these questions is by trying to understand the characters at a really deep level.

I agree with both you and Chris. Both of you have expressed yourselves beautifully and I think you have hit the nail on the head. The ambiguity of the film is a major factor. We, the viewers, are left to interpret what has just happened  …. we bring our own life experiences and our own POV. Why else are these BBM boards so popular? Had this film been a run-of-the-mill predictable love story, there would be no discussion, period. Everything about this film is subtle. I think it is important to also note that this story has a realism that is not present in many films today. Nothing about Jack and Ennis’ relationship is easy. All of the pain, disappointment, frustration, etc. is palpable. IMO, everything Jack and Ennis feels, I feel too. I am always spent by the end of the film. I don’t recall any other story that has impacted me in this way. 

[mvansand76]

I think it is also because everybody has something of both Jack and Ennis in them. The way they deal with their relationship, with their love is so touching, and it's so real, everybody in some way deals with the problems that they are dealing with. Jack always wanting Ennis to be happy (the pleaser) and Ennis fighting against the feelings he is feeling for Jack.

[Aussie Chris]

I think the power of BBM has much to do with effective storytelling... <snip>

All of this is simply brilliant Katherine!  I can't add a single thing to make it better!  You have so completely (and succinctly) summarised many of the most important discussions we've had here at BetterMost.  Of course I emphatically agree with everything you say in this post.  How far we've all come in our understanding of this amazing film, I feel so fortunate (and proud) to be a part of it - even if my friends and family have given up being concerned about me and my continued obsession with BBM (not sure what to think about that).
 

[dly64]

How far we've all come in our understanding of this amazing film, I feel so fortunate (and proud) to be a part of it - even if my friends and family have given up being concerned about me and my continued obsession with BBM (not sure what to think about that).

Ditto … although my friends and family think I have totally lost my beanie! They absolutely don’t get why this film has grabbed me the way that it has. When I try to explain, there is absolutely nothing I can articulate that even begins to express the “why.” I just know that it has.

sfericsf also said, “What you bring to the movie is what you take out of it.” I convinced several people to see the film; three cried. For the characters, yes, but their low startle points were already set: one had a father with Alzheimer’s, another had a daughter who’d just come out, the third had an uncle who died from AIDS.

I agree. It is nice that you have people who have been affected by this beautiful film. I have no one. I live in a Bible belt, conservative state. That is why I am thankful for a forum like BetterMost. It is refreshing to communicate with others who are also passionate.

[Momof2]

I agree. It is nice that you have people who have been affected by this beautiful film. I have no one. I live in a Bible belt, conservative state. That is why I am thankful for a forum like BetterMost. It is refreshing to communicate with others who are also passionate.

[/quote]

I live in a town that has more Baptist churches than gas stations or resturants.  Very "biblical" ways of thinking.  I do not share BBM with anyone here.  A few people have seen it were I work.  Just a quick mention.  No live shattering or changing moments for them.  The day I bought the DVD the girl working the counter said Oh I heard that is good.  I have not seen it.  I told her it was the best movie I had ever seen and that it was well worth watching.  The only cinema here in town would not show BBM.  Very anti-gay here.  The thing that is strange to me is that most people that are bigots are bigots about ever social "norm".  But there is a lot of interracial dating and children in this town.  The people in this town are "hill" people.  It is weird how some unacceptable things are accepted and others are not. 

To me BBM is my little "secret".  It is something that has changed my life and my way of thinking.  I am so glad that I saw it and found this forum.  It is like a family.  I like the fact that I can talk to other people that love Jack and Ennis like I do.  Thank you all for being a part of this wonderful journey.

[serious crayons]

It's my secret, too, though not necessarily because of homophobia or conservatism in my environment. I live in a very liberal suburb of big blue-state city (Chicago), I moved here recently from a very liberal blue-state city (Minneapolis), and my friends are all fairly liberal and presumably pretty unhomophobic.

The reason I keep it secret is mainly because I know people would think it's way too weird to spend seven months obsessing about a movie to the extent I have. If it were Titanic, they would think it just about as weird. Hell, I think it's weird myself! 

That's why I'm glad to know all you guys -- you may be weird in that one way, too, but in other respects you all seem very sensible and intelligent and normal, which I find hugely reassuring.

[dly64]

Ah, but there’s the irony--they wouldn’t think that obsession as weird as Brokeaholism. One critic said about Titanic, “50,000,000 teenage girls can’t be wrong.”

I remember another critic saying about BBM that “this movie is aimed at women between <nn> and <nn> who like to watch two hunky young actors smooch and talk about their feelings.”

Errrrrr ... I guess that critic doesn't get it. Can I surmise that this person was a homophobic male?

[serious crayons]

Ah, but there’s the irony--they wouldn’t think that obsession as weird as Brokeaholism. One critic said about Titanic, “50,000,000 teenage girls can’t be wrong.”

I remember another critic saying about BBM that “this movie is aimed at women between <nn> and <nn> who like to watch two hunky young actors smooch and talk about their feelings.”

Well, that would make a Titanic obsession weirder, because I definitely don't fit into the teenage-girl demographic. But the BBM demo -- depending on the <nns> -- sounds like it fits me to a T! 

No, actually, I suppose that's not the first image to pop into most straight people's heads when they think of the average BBM fan. So I suppose even relatively unhomophobic straight people who don't "get" it might raise more of an eyebrow at my Brokeback obsession than they would at Titanic. But believe me, if I were obsessed with Titanic, you can bet I'd be hiding it!

If only I were obsessed with, oh, I don't know ... "Citizen Kane" or "The Manchurian Candidate" or something. Maybe I could be more open about those.

Errrrrr ... I guess that critic doesn't get it. Can I surmise that this person was a homophobic male?

Uh-oh! Diane, your post came in as I was writing this! Why do you surmise that? Well, I mean, of course, you're right that the critic apparently doesn't get why the movie is great in so many ways. It's a vast oversimplification, at best. And not quite the respectful tone I prefer people use in discussing BBM.

On the other hand, that description would probably fit a lot of people on this board ...

[dly64]

Uh-oh! Diane, your post came in as I was writing this! Why do you surmise that? Well, I mean, of course, you're right that the critic apparently doesn't get why the movie is great in so many ways. It's a vast oversimplification, at best. On the other hand, that description would probably fit a lot of people on this board ...

Very true. It just sounds like a critic who would describe this movie as the "gay cowboy movie." Ironically, when I first wrote my note, I acknowledged that I, being a female, enjoyed the two hunky men smooching. But, I changed my mind .... Hmmmm ... I guess I was trying to avoid acknowledging that, yes ... these guys are hot, and so are the love scenes.