Author Topic: For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance  (Read 42523 times)

Offline Peter John Shields

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2006, 09:03:19 pm »
Hello all,

I am a big fan of folk singer Judy Collins.  She happens to be performing in my home town in April and so I was doing a bit of research on her.  I don't think I will be able to go to the concert though as the tickets are a bit expensive

However I have copied the following over from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judy_Collins

Following the 1992 death of her son Clark Taylor at age 33 after a long bout with depression and substance abuse, she has also become a strong advocate of suicide prevention. Her 2003 book, Sanity & Grace, chronicles her recovery from her son's suicide and attempts to provide some comfort and guidance to other families dealing with the loss of a loved one to suicide. She describes the "Seven T's" as a means for going through this process of recovery: Truth, Therapy, Trust, Try, Treat, Treasure, and Thrive. The Truth is that there should be no guilt in suicide; Therapy helps people express their emotions and seek grief counseling; Trust is the effort to believe that one can make it through the loss and keep a belief in life and in the future; Try means to stay away from drugs and alcohol or any excess--including overeating--as a means to deal with the loss and pain; Treat means to take care of the mind, body, and spirit with exercise and meditation; Treasure means to keep the memory of the moments to be treasured, and for this Collins recommends writing and keeping a journal; and Thrive means to be positive, hopeful, open to love and others, and continuing to know that you can rebuild your life on a basis of hope.

I thought that these stages might be helpful for us too - dealing with the grief of Brokback.  I need to concentrate on the try one - as I definately use food as a comfort a lot and then I like the idea of Treat too - as I definately need to look after myself more.

But then I thought about going for a jog this morning and have I done it?? No

Thanks Phillip for your stages of grief - I have found that very informative - as they say knowledge is power,

Stripey
Cheerio,
Peter

retropian

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2006, 03:48:13 am »
That's a great and insightful post Phillip.
This movie has profundly affected me, and many others. I hope we can all move forward to better selves and not back or just remain in stasis.

Offline Fla_Tim

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2006, 09:28:41 am »
Hello all,

I am a big fan of folk singer Judy Collins.  She happens to be performing in my home town in April and so I was doing a bit of research on her.  I don't think I will be able to go to the concert though as the tickets are a bit expensive

However I have copied the following over from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judy_Collins

Following the 1992 death of her son Clark Taylor at age 33 after a long bout with depression and substance abuse, she has also become a strong advocate of suicide prevention. Her 2003 book, Sanity & Grace, chronicles her recovery from her son's suicide and attempts to provide some comfort and guidance to other families dealing with the loss of a loved one to suicide. She describes the "Seven T's" as a means for going through this process of recovery: Truth, Therapy, Trust, Try, Treat, Treasure, and Thrive. The Truth is that there should be no guilt in suicide; Therapy helps people express their emotions and seek grief counseling; Trust is the effort to believe that one can make it through the loss and keep a belief in life and in the future; Try means to stay away from drugs and alcohol or any excess--including overeating--as a means to deal with the loss and pain; Treat means to take care of the mind, body, and spirit with exercise and meditation; Treasure means to keep the memory of the moments to be treasured, and for this Collins recommends writing and keeping a journal; and Thrive means to be positive, hopeful, open to love and others, and continuing to know that you can rebuild your life on a basis of hope.

I thought that these stages might be helpful for us too - dealing with the grief of Brokback.  I need to concentrate on the try one - as I definately use food as a comfort a lot and then I like the idea of Treat too - as I definately need to look after myself more.

But then I thought about going for a jog this morning and have I done it?? No

Thanks Phillip for your stages of grief - I have found that very informative - as they say knowledge is power,

Stripey

Thank you so much for posting that Stripey, it really spoke to me. I was a latecomer to seeing the movie, but like many of the people here it really tore me up.

I'd been through a really rough patch with work and life in general the last few months and oddly enough picked probably the toughest day of all to see Brokeback. It took my focus off of my own woes initially but turned the spotlight right back on them in short order. As you said in your post about Judy Collins, I've realized that I have to take much better care of myself for my physical and mental well being, and live a life of no regrets.

One one hand I've dealt with the personal stuff, came to terms with my sexual orientation in my 20s and have been in a wonderful relationship for 12 years, but for the least few I've been stuffing my feelings about my work and particularly the last 6 months. But this experience with our movie has made me reexamine this part of my life. I'm not sure where I'm going with it but I've started to examine it rather than try to ignore it.

Thursday night I saw the film for the second time, I really wanted to see it again while it was at the theater. It was better for me in a lot of ways, perhaps because I knew the ending I didn't feel as though I'd been zapped with a stun gun.

So many details sunk in and the scenery HAS to be seen on a big screen. Ennis came to life for me much more than he did the first time, his emotions are so much more subtle but they are there.

The thing that touched me the most the second time was the last scene with his daughter; when he decided to attend the wedding it seemed as though he made a concious decision to embrace people that matter to him while he can, a lesson he learned the hardest way possible, but a lesson we all need to learn and relearn sometimes.

Thanks again for your post.

Offline Toast

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2006, 11:22:51 pm »
WOW
i think I have reached stage 5
I watched the movie on my own tv - downloaded
and I havent shared it yet
but I did go through all the above stages
Since I am already off on disability - lung problem, I did nont have to take days off work, but I did slump for a while

Just this week I was at work on a small computer support job and while I was tinkering with the computer in the warehouse, the new shipment of movie posters came in.  Since the store sells few movies, the posters are immediatley dumped.
I overheard the staff listing the movies for which they received posters.
As soon as I heard Brokeback mentioned, I also heard myself saying I'll take the Brokeback poster.
I would never have made that request last year.
I would never have asked for a gay poster before.
But now I will.
I think it was a coming out statement that I made, to non friends.
Thanks for this thread
and Ang, thanks for making this movie so perfectly.
from a perfect story by Annie Proulx.
Annie has a summer home about 30 km from me and I plan to try and meet her next summer.
She might be full of "piss and vinegar" but she is one mean writer.


Offline Peter John Shields

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2006, 11:42:45 pm »
Hiya Toast,
That is great - I think that those events that seem little at the time (like asking for the poster) can actually stand for much more, such as stage 5.  Good on you.  Bye the way I think those coming out moments can be real hard - but at least you are putting yourself out there.

For me I recently audiitioned for a play - which I would normally never have done.  I tried not to think about it too much - just did it because I wanted to...and then I got a real pleasant surprise - I really enjoyed myself,

Peter
Cheerio,
Peter

Offline bbm_stitchbuffyfan

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2006, 10:44:24 pm »
I am not quite sure what stage I'm in. I still obsess over this movie, contemplate it constantly, and feel stabs of sorrow for the characters, reawakened by the soundtrack or even something unrelated to Brokeback, like other films or songs.

I am glad to be celebrating this movie but sometimes it's too much to handle. At least it's not as hard as when I first saw the movie; that was bad...  :'(
If you'd just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now
We missed out on each other now


R.I.P. Heath Ledger

Offline juneaux

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2006, 11:57:14 pm »
Since purchasing the DVD I'm afraid I'm back in Stage One~ AGAIN.
Truth never damages a cause that is just.
~Mohandas Gandhi

Offline twistedude

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2006, 03:48:05 am »
Guess almost everyone has heard my tale of woe---I've seen (at least the first 20 minutes of) 5 DIFFERENT DVDs--and they all SUCK (as in: welcome to the...). All are too dark, generally, but the first tent scene is invisable, except for Jack's shirt, when he takes his jacket off, and--you get a VERY GENERAL idea of what's going on, but not why, how, how the participants feel about it, or anything else especially interesting.

Having tried the three i own (I also rented two--no better) on my own medium priced stuff, I took them, by invitation, to the house of a friend, who has the best equipment in the world.

Aside from the fact that under the blackness, there is MUD--
I got the distinct impression that my friend Britt took an instant dislike to Jack, and in fact (during the 20 minutes he watched of the film before the tent scene--after which, after watching it 3 times, he refused to watch ANY MORE of the movie), he responded to something Jack said in a nasty voice, ending in "baby." (Perhaps he has led a more interesting sex life than I thought, or, perhaps, a less interesting sex life).

I really feel I should make some attempt to convince Britt that Jack is not a sexual preditor...but I don't know where to start...without a decent film. I don't want to get angry with him...

I am quite at peace with my own obsession.  Except with some...friends...

« Last Edit: April 22, 2006, 03:58:09 pm by julie01 »
"We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?" --"Nine Lives," by Ursula K. Le Guin, from The Wind's Twelve Quarters

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #18 on: May 13, 2006, 03:10:40 pm »
I cannot say that I have had to go through any of this as far as Brokeback Mountain is concerned.

I have, however gone through steps of Grief and Bereavement, followed by Acceptance, in regard to the loss of my late partner/husband Eldred "Ed' Pursell. And, that only worked because I had professional help to guide me through the steps, too.

I wonder sometimes if what some people claim is/was caused by seeing the Brokeback Mountain movie might be related to something hidden in their subconscious and they have forgotten about it.

I have gone through times where I felt sad for no reason and wondered why. But, when I looked at the date on the calendar, my memory was jogged and then the date reminded me that particular day was an anniversary of what might have been a sad or a happy day in my life years ago. It was a "sad" memory because of the feeling to remember the happy times.

That's like Ennis Del Mar in the book's published "prologue" in the following quote:

Quote
The stale coffee is boiling up but he catches it before it goes over the side, pours it into a stained cup and blows on the black liquid, lets a panel of the dream slide forward. If he does not force his attention on it, it might stoke the day, rewarm that old, cold time on the mountain when they owned the world and nothing seemed wrong. The wind strikes the trailer like a load of dirt coming off a dump truck, eases, dies, leaves a temporary silence.

Ennis had had a good dream about Jack Twist which he remembered having when he got early that morning.

Offline David

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Re: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2006, 06:18:04 pm »
Looking over the different folks who have posted on this thread has made me notice something.   Alot of the folks are not regular posters.   ie: low numbers.    Does this mean they came here looking for resolution and found it?  or perhaps they didn't.

I know the Oscars are way behind us and the DVD is on most of our tables.  But I think alot of us are still here because we have formed some kind of extended group therapy.
Lord knows, misery loves company!   LOL.   But seriously.  We all seem to have embraced these characters.   If you can't shake them, you might as well embrace them.