I'll Be Seeing You: A Brokeback A/U fanfic by bailey

[bailey]

this story is my Crack right now.  Update today???  LOL

Karen

RL was cuh-razy yesterday, but there should be an update before midnight.  Wish I could do better.  Thanks for asking. 

[bailey]

I'll Be Seeing You: http://baileymoyes.livejournal.com/84507.html#cutid1

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Growing Pains
A Brokeback A/U diverging from the original at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: R for language, adult themes.
Disclaimer: I have borrowed these characters from Annie Proulx and the fine actors that portrayed them on screen.
My profound thanks to Jean.
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Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
Bonnie Raitt, “I Can’t Make You Love Me”
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[cwby30]

My heart goes out to these guys. 19 years have gone by, each has gone through personal hells and triumphs, and they've just been traveling in almost a full circle. It's SNIT, 19 years later. Jack is lying there, wanting Ennis to accept what he's already given to him, and wanting Ennis to give what Jack already knows he wants, but unsure if Ennis can really accept what's offered or even really make his own offer. Ennis is by the fire, staring at the flames which consumed him, wanting to accept what he knows Jack has already given to him but unsure whether he can, and wanting to give the same to Jack in return but unsure whether Jack will accept when he offers, and still somewhat ashamed for thinking that way and being who he is. Damn! Get into that tent!

Ennis, it's time so stop dancin' in the dark with Jack. Time to lead him by the hand to the dance floor, and dance with him and even kiss him under the lights, and stand with him in front of everyone while the fireworks go off overhead and all around. You'll find out those who are your real friends and family. And if some of the good ol' boys react harshly, it will be decision time for John, too. Will he remain alone surrounded by everyone, or also step under the lights?

And talk to each other, really talk, tell each other what you saw, how you feel, and make that offer and ask whether the other will accept it. Then, accept it and hand it back without reservation.

Thanks to Danny for being Ennis' sponsor, not just at AA but also in his journey to acceptance of himself. In doing so, Danny has also accepted what's on the shelves inside his own self, and is able to sort through his life and move on.

You have brought us rich, complex characters who wrestle with problems of real life. That's why I look forward to each chapter, and do not look forward to reading "The End". Thanks.

[bailey]

Ennis, it's time so stop dancin' in the dark with Jack. Time to lead him by the hand to the dance floor, and dance with him and even kiss him under the lights, and stand with him in front of everyone while the fireworks go off overhead and all around.

I snipped your comment, but I loved all of it.  The sentiment I bolded really says it all.  Wonderful commentary.  Thanks so much.  So happy.  Can't form complete sentences. 

[bailey]

I'll Be Seeing You: http://baileymoyes.livejournal.com/84840.html#cutid1

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pyrotechnics
A Brokeback A/U diverging from the original at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: NC17 for m/m sexual situation.
Disclaimer: I have borrowed these characters from Annie Proulx that created them, and the fine actors that embodied them on screen.
My deepest thanks as always to Jean.
::=-=:: ::=-=:: ::=-=::
Well you cut me to the quick with some kind of abandon
and I'm pouring over every word in my mind
And it isn't making sense 'cause it's coming back at random
and I already forgot what I expected to find
So maybe it's the wrong game; I shut down the replay
maybe it's a case of hardness of heart
but I'm down for the count and there's got to be someway
to clear out whatever keeps us apart
 Now I haven't got a chance if there's no silver lining
I'm far past the point of doing what's right
I can still strike the match that'll start the mountains shining
there might be something new in that light
I'll do this and I'll do that
I'll be burning canyons for you
I'll do this and I'll do that
and I will wait forever if you'll be there
Michael Penn, “This and That”

[cwby30]

Love interrupted, again.  Sometimes I think Jack has the same problem as Ennis.  He doesn't think he deserves Ennis' love, and looks for every way to prove it to himself that Ennis doesn't really love him as much as he loves Ennis.  He just can't accept yet what Ennis keeps trying to say and give.  Then he goes and acts in tandem with Ennis in that terrible situation.  "We aren't together." ??!!  The hell you arent'!! 

Hope does lie within.  The kiss, the climax, the glances between them, not having to say out loud what the words they need to say, Jack standing up for Ennis's way of doing things.  Now, Ennis needs to take Jack to the hospital to see Danny, and the three of them need to talk.  Jack needs his own sponsor now on this journey, and seeing as how he doesn't have one, Danny will look them both in the eye at tell it like it is.  Also, Parkie and Fred need to take Jack aside.  Parkie and Fred have their own fears and compromises; Jack could learn from that, how Ennis had to compromise to save himself and find himself and find his way to a health relationship with Jack.

Way to go, Kurt.  I ilike how you had Kurt handle what he found out about Ennis.  Had my doubts at the end of the last chapter.  How many other "Kurts" wouldhave/actually have issued an ultimatum to his fiance: me or your queer dad/brother/etc.?  I think it is a sign of true love and maturity that Kurt will rethink his preconceptions about gays to have a full live with Junior. 

John has a lot to mull over.  His son took over the situation, knocked him on his ass unceremoniously in front of his friends, and then in relief when all was over hugged his own son and ex-wife and mother but not him.  When John pulled himself painfully up the porch and into the house, wonder what he was thinking.  Will lit make a difference? 

Thanks again for updating so often.  It keeps the story alive. 

[bailey]

I'll Be Seeing You: http://baileymoyes.livejournal.com/85205.html#cutid1

Chapter Thirty: Caesura
A Brokeback A/U diverging from the original at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: R for language, adult themes.
Disclaimer: I have borrowed these characters from Annie Proulx and the fine actors that portrayed them on screen.
My profound thanks to Jean.
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Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right.
You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
Billy Joel, “Vienna Waits for You”

[bailey]

I'll Be Seeing You: http://baileymoyes.livejournal.com/85316.html#cutid1

Chapter Thirty-One: Someone to Hold
A Brokeback A/U diverging from the original at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: R for language, adult themes.
Disclaimer: I have borrowed these characters from Annie Proulx and the fine actors that portrayed them on screen.
My profound thanks to Jean.
::x:: : ::x:: : ::x:: : ::x:: : ::x::
We've been together now for such a long time
Through every trial we'd ever care to go
When I look back I almost can't believe it
We're not the same people that we used to know
With all the years behind me spent pretending
I didn't need someone like you around
It makes it even harder to imagine
The life I'd be livin', if I hadn't found
Someone to hold me, the way that you do
Someone who needs me, the way I need you
Someone to show me a way that is true
Someone who loves me, the way that I love you
The Rembrandts, “Someone”
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[cwby30]

Evenin'.

Thought a lot about the last three chapters.  The deconstruction of the Twist family, the "good ol' boys" and how they handle people they think are different, Jack and Ennis, Sarah and John, Lureen and Lou.  How the times have changed Ennis and Jack. 

Like how you have Ennis moving forward at his pace now, never wavering, eyes on the goal ahead.  And like how Jack moves back and forth, weaving in and out, two steps forward and one step back, trying too hard sometimes not to admit he wants what Ennis has offered, but still with his eyes on the goal ahead. The years apart may have changed them in how they approach each other, but not in the fundamentals of their relationsip. 

And now, Ennis is the man of action. 

In '67 Jack hustled up to Wyoming to find Ennis.  This time, Ennis is the one red-lining it to get back to Jack.   

Jack admits he needs someone to hold him, and Ennis is there. Back in the tent that first night, Jack took the initiative and reached for Ennis.  Now, he seems to be initiating a relationship again, but along the lines of what Ennis used to want. But Ennis doesn't want that any more; Ennis wants what Jack used to want, together always forever. Ennis can't stand having Jack close without touching him any more, took the initiative twice in two days, and this time simply said "Fuck It" and took Jack in his arms. 

Danny needs help, and Ennis doesn't abandon him to the "doctor" from the VA.  He takes action and gets him help, in the form of Detective Lou. 

Some potential clouds seem to be gathering on the horizon; nothing which our guys and their true families and friends can't handle.  A storm may ensue and bring a downpour, but a downpour would also cleanse the earth, and help the living flourish in its wake. 

Thanks again.  Have I told you how much I enjoy how this story unfolds?! 

[bailey]

I'll Be Seeing You: http://baileymoyes.livejournal.com/85706.html#cutid1

Chapter Thirty-Two: When the Lord Closes a Door
A Brokeback A/U diverging from the original at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: R for language, adult themes.
Disclaimer: I have borrowed these characters from Annie Proulx and the fine actors that portrayed them on screen.
A/N: Unbeta’d.  No smex yet.  And, Mo, sorry about the obscure lyric quote.
::x:: : ::x:: : ::x:: : ::x:: : ::x::
When I find myself alone in my house and in my head
And I blow the candles out and I take myself to bed
And I’m old enough to realize, but I’m young enough to know
When the Lord closes the door, he opens a little window.
When sleep closes my eyes and sends me searching for you
And I’m feelin’ blue as the sky without your love to carry me through
And I’m weak enough to be afraid but strong enough to let it show.
When the Lord closes the door, he opens a little window.
Kinky Friedman, “When the Lord Closes the Door”
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