"If your can't fix it, Jack...You gotta stand it."

[Jeff Wrangler]

Jeff, your discussion about changing emotional response to the film over all these months is really interesting.  I think as we go along and these discussions continue to evolve, we'll all begin to notice really big shifts in emotional response.  I sort of miss the early days... I mean in terms of my own emotional response. 

Tell you what, I don't miss my earlier response. When I think back now to how passionately I felt about some things, to the arguments I got involved in, I'm ashamed of myself and wish I could apologize to everyone I ever argued with, here and back at IMDb. I'm glad "this thing" seems to have lost its grip on me. 

[Brown Eyes]

Well, I didn't mean to imply that BBM had lost it's grip on me.  My fascination with it has just changed, that's all.  And, Brokie fever, at least for me, definitely comes in waves.  There was a time during the late summer when I thought I was calming down about all this.  But, no.  I wound up becoming intensely interested again, but in slightly different ways, and my activity around here only increased.    Yeehaw!! 

OK, we should probably stop this and let the real topic of the thread resume.

[serious crayons]

wish I could apologize to everyone I ever argued with

You can! Apology accepted, Jeff!   

Kidding. I know what you both mean, Jeff and Amanda. My emotional response has become a little less raw and intense, and at the same time it's a little less blissfully romantic than it used to be. I'm more pragmatic, a bit more willing to entertain the possibility of the slightly bleaker perspectives that Jeff used to promote ( ) in our arguments. The two phenomena might not be related.

I haven't watched the movie for a few months, and I'm not sure at this point whether watching it would be a good idea or not. I'd like to hold on to whatever intensity of emotion I can sustain, and I can't tell whether absence makes the heart grow fonder or familiarity breeds ... well, not contempt of course, but let's say desensitization.

I get sad whenever I see somebody say this -- for example, Mikaela's post earlier made me a bit melancholy. But it's sort of an inevitable part of the process. I'll never move on from BBM and think, "Oh, OK, been there done that, now I'm going to be obsessed with (fill in the name of some other movie) instead." No. Never. Not to sound too ridiculous, but it's more like a religion. After a while, my love for BBM has become a central part of my worldview -- a part of my soul, really -- so that even though it's still always there and always affecting the way I see things, it's not constantly on the surface of my consciousness. Does that make sense?
 

[Jeff Wrangler]

I'd like to hold on to whatever intensity of emotion I can sustain, and I can't tell whether absence makes the heart grow fonder or familiarity breeds ... well, not contempt of course, but let's say desensitization.

I think I see what you're saying, but I wouldn't apply "desensitization" to my own current reactions. Even back in the old days of seeing the film in the theater, I would leave the theater feeling, somehow, spiritually uplifted--like church--and these days watching it still leaves me suffused with pleasure because I'm "with" Jack and Ennis, even in their pain. 

[Front-Ranger]

I agree with you Jeff. There's something about the classical tragedy that draws people back over and over, and it's not a desire to wallow in morbidity. Somehow the most beautiful things are also the most tragic, in a way.

I can't watch the movie right now (I can't take no cake...) but I do relive the scenes in my mind, and I do look at the story everyday. It's getting so my briefcase is becoming not just the receptacle for work I have to do at home, but the ark of the covenant that I carry around with me for safekeeping, LOL!

[Jeff Wrangler]

I agree with you Jeff. There's something about the classical tragedy that draws people back over and over, and it's not a desire to wallow in morbidity. Somehow the most beautiful things are also the most tragic, in a way.

Right, Lee, it isn't the desire to wallow in morbidity. You'd think I'da thunk this a long time ago, but only in the past week or so did I realize that the "spiritual uplift" I would feel leaving theater after seeing the movie is really catharsis, and I seem to remember somebody, maybe a high school English teacher, saying that catharsis is what you are "supposed to feel" from great classical tragedy.

[Br. Patrick]

Wow, it's hard to believe that it's been almost a year since I discovered the story and the film.  I have seen this film 5 times in the theaters and 5 times on DVD and never heard the "Jack".   The film devastates me for days so I have to be careful if I need to be in control of my emotions publicly for the few days after a viewing.  I LOVE this scene.  First of all, it shows Ennis really smiling.  Lookin' up to heaven and giving thanks - so cool - and then it's back to reality.  If you can't fix it... to me is Ennis' DEFENSE MECHANISM for his whole life.  If you think of his biography, that's how he survived!  I had a similar one.   When I was about 8 years old I was left alone all night for the first time.  I sat in the middle of the floor and cried and cried and heard every creak in the house, the empty house, that I was now alone in.  My solution became My Defense Mechanism.  I promised myself never to NEED anyone ever!  And with one exception, I have never felt loneliness in my life because of that Defense Mechanism.  To say that it stunted my emotional growth would be an understatement.  BUT I SURVIVED.   I currently live alone, a Benedictine Monk (hermit).  The first time I saw BBM MY Defense Mechanism for not needing anyone ever disappeared!  I borrowed Ennis' "If you can't fix it.." until I could deal with this in therapy (I've been in therapy since 1989).   But Ennis is also using it to handle his own HOMOPHOBIA!  Look at his 'conflicted face' in the Motel while Jack BEAMS...   Early childhood trauma's scar us.  We create Defense Mechanisms to handle it.  But SOMETHING is ALWAYS LOST in that process.

peace
br. patrick

[Brown Eyes]

After a while, my love for BBM has become a central part of my worldview -- a part of my soul, really -- so that even though it's still always there and always affecting the way I see things, it's not constantly on the surface of my consciousness. Does that make sense?

Yes, it makes complete sense to me... and I suspect it probably makes sense to many long-time Brokies around here.  BBM has completely changed the way I move through the world... on deep and profound levels (too complex to go into here) and has even changed the way I react to mundane things.  Now, electric fans, the wind in the grass, coffeepots, whiskey, and sheep (to name just a few things) get me excited and whistful in ways never before contemplated prior to BBM.  And, I think my bond with y'all (with BetterMost Brokies in general) is especially strong because I feel like we've all gone through this process of discovery together.  We've had the experience together of figuring out some of the major themes, symbols, controversies, ambiguities, etc. that seem central to Brokeback.  I think I'm most nostalgic for those days of discovery.  I'm confident that BBM contains many more mysteries to unpack, but I'm also aware lately that many of the main themes have probably been teased out by now.  I'm very jealous of the newbies sometimes... and their awe and excitement... because I truly remember that (and still feel it... or at least know that it's there and legitimate).  And, at least some of us have had the collective bonding experience of the move from imdb to BetterMost (and back again in some cases).  When I think about all the deep thinking and debating we've done together on this board... it's truly amazing.
 

cheers
Amanda

[Jeff Wrangler]

As a matter of fact, I might as well say it, at the risk of upsetting a lot of people, but getting slammed by this scene back in August has pretty much changed my entire emotional response to the film. I won't say I see it as less tragic, because that wouldn't be correct, but I now do see it as less--I don't know--operatic (?)--in the intensity of its emotions. And hand in hand with that, Film Ennis now looks more like Story Ennis to me than he did six months ago. I can't explain it, I just know this to be how I'm feeling.

And then again, I am hoping this Sunday evening to make the time to watch the DVD again. By calendar date, Sunday is one day shy of the first time I saw the film in the theater. And who knows but that something else will hit me like that proverbial ton of bricks and my understanding will change again. 

(Geez, how self-referential is that--quoting myself?  )

Anyway, had my Personal Anniversary Eve viewing last night. No changes in emotional response or understanding. Noticed, however, how tightly Ennis is gripping Jack's jacket when Jack embraces him after his collapse at the lake.

[serious crayons]

  And, I think my bond with y'all (with BetterMost Brokies in general) is especially strong because I feel like we've all gone through this process of discovery together.  We've had the experience together of figuring out some of the major themes, symbols, controversies, ambiguities, etc. that seem central to Brokeback.

Good way to put it, Amanda. We're such a diverse group -- all ages and genders and ethnicities and sexualities and professions and nationalities and backgrounds, scattered around the world, people who might not have a lot in common otherwise and almost certainly would not have crossed paths any other way. Yet we have this one weird, powerful thing uniting us. I will never understand exactly why it happened to us, a small percentage of viewers of the movie, and not to either everybody else who saw it or nobody who saw it. But I'm glad it did! I feel proud to be a member of the Brokie community, strange an identity as that may be.