Where are you in your process?

[Rayn]

Help.........
I feel like a drug addict needing a fix. Has anyone else experienced this feeling???
The OBSESSION Continues....................

Obsessive compulsive behavior is a hard thing to overcome. 

      But there's one good thing about an obsession with Brokeback Mt.  It's not as hard on the body or budget as heroin, booze or gambling!  Watching a movie over and over though, especially one that is very sad or very violent can actually lead some people to experience more or less a state of "post traumatic stress syndrome", you know, which can mess up your life, but it won't kill you.   So, be aware, watching it too much is not harmless for some.

       Burning out on it, isn't going to kill you.  It could actually help.  Sometimes people have to burn out in order get over it.  I've only watched the movie 8 times, but the more I watched it, the less I wanted to because I'm very aware of my emotions and when I watch it I feel joy and pleasure, but also deep sadness.  Some of the worst (best?) scenes are very close to what has happened to me in my own life. I didn't read the story first, I saw the film alone at home and nearly fell apart, couldn't continue watching it, had to stop for the closet scene, I sobbed for a very long time. You see, and I know this has happened to others, when I "lost" a man I loved very much, I also went to my closet, sometimes pressed his old shirt or jacket to my face because the scent of him was in them and that was all that remained of him, and I missed him so much.  Grief is no fun, but it does weaken and we can recover our lighter spirits in time.

      This is a key to understanding reactions to Brokeback: it brings up powerful emotions inside some of us, we connect with it in ways like no other movie before.  It's what's inside us though, not the movie, that can cause us trouble.  The movie is very real to a lot of people and that's why it's has so powerful an impact and attraction.   When I realized the experiences were that close to my own, I had to ask myself, "Do you really want to feel such grief and sadness over and over?"  These days, when I answer, "No! It's too painful." then I don't watch it.  I did burn out,  but it helped me stop watching it.
 
         I still love the movie, enough to be doing the pilgrimage to Alberta, and if I think I can handle the pain in it, I watch it, but not so often.  I hope some of this helps you. You can go a number of ways.. really, burn out and then stop watching it.  Or limit your intake to a wiser, healthier amount.  If you can't control watching the DVD, then give it to a friend to "hold" for you.   Switch your obsession to another movie.  "Capote" is an outstanding film of nearly equal emotional and dramatic depth and quality.  Watch that instead for a while.

       You could also get with someone, a close friend, another Brokie you trust maybe, or even a counselor, and look deeply in your own heart and mind to understand what you are getting from the watching it so much, what's the payoff and why do you need it?   The movie in itself is harmless.  It's what's in your heart and mind that are causing you to obsess over it.  Take a long, good look at those, ask some deep questions about those and it could help.  The work that needs doing is on the inside, ya know, like they say, "Happiness is an inside job."

I wish you peace, fellow Brokie...
Rayn

[Delmardeb]

Sorry that it took me so long to reply to your post, but I have been busy doing some of the things that I have been neglecting. Thank you so much for your very caring and heartfelt response to my BBM addiction. But just like you said, it is harmless compared to other hardcore addictions that afflict so many people. Anyway, I have cut down on my viewings so that I won't burn out.

You were right when you said that this movie causes one to reflect on personal tragedies and experiences in one's life. Of course I am talking about losses that I have experienced which have made me a stronger and hopefully a better person.

I looked at some old posts about the same situation of people continuously watching BBM, and I noticed your post, when you stated how many times you've actually watched the movie. Your numbers then sure do add up to the times you've seen it as of late. That was very interesting. It is also good to know that there are others who have excessively watched BBM like I have which makes me know that I am not alone.

Again Rayn I'd like to thank you from one Brokie to another.

Delmardeb

[Rayn]

     Glad to hear from you and know that you're attending to things you need to do more than watch the movie.  I'm sorry, I should have been clearer about the times I've watched the movie.  I've seen it 8 times on DVD since it came out which was way back.... when?  I don't know!  I also saw it in a theater once, so chalk it up to 9 for me. I'm told, "That's a drop in the bucket!" by those who've seen it many more times than that.  I think it's a lot, so I guess I just ain't a very good Brokie!

The truth is... sometimes I miss it so much I can hardly stand it!   

   

     But when I feel that urge, I just ask myself if I want to feel all that sadness and pain at the end, and I usually say, no... it's just too much for me. That's how I handle my Brokeback Addiction.  We all have our own minds and hearts that respond a little differently than others, but we are all a bit the same too.  We're crazy about the movie and everything to do with it! 

HUH?!


Peace,
Rayn.