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Author Topic: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm  (Read 121953 times)

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #50 on: February 17, 2007, 06:26:14 pm »
Quote from: mariez on February 17, 2007, 11:53:28 am
C*,

When I finished reading I just sat for a few minutes really absorbing that beautiful experience. 

"On their fourth day together.  .  .  "
"On the fifth day,"
"On the sixth day,"
"..the morning of the seventh day,"

You've given us "The Creation of Jack and Ennis." 

And then passages such as this:

The third time was a point unto itself, equally memorable, just as mind-numbingly intense, for Ennis entered Jack so needfully, moaning like a lonely wounded animal, a searching creature desperately trying to find his way home, and didn’t stop moaning the entire time he was thrusting steadily, hungrily, hopefully…all the while pleading with his bodily movements for Jack to provide the safe haven he craved, whether or not he’d ever learn to ask for it with words.

Wow. 

You give us such exquisite details of their lovemaking - but not one single word is superfluous and through these beautiful words you give us the very essence of Jack, the very essence of Ennis, and the very essence of their love.

Well, I  could go on and on - Ennis needing Jack to smile and Jack thinking that maybe God did like him . . .

That was some "bonus-dreaming"!  And just like Jack, I'm thinking about that week ahead in Pine Creek - and just like Jack, I'm smiling!

Thanks so much, C*!

Marie


Marie,

Oh sweet lady, I love you!  You just made my day.   :)

Yes, I see their bond as so spiritual...it was very intentional with this chapter to produce a "Creation" experience.    :D    It had to be seven days, and it had to culminate with a moment that required they both be emotionally ready for each other, not just physically eager.  I'm so delighted that you really felt it the way I intended when I was writing it.    I love your wording,  "The Creation of Jack and Ennis."    :)

Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback, sweetie. 
It means so much to me.    :)

C*
« Last Edit: February 17, 2007, 06:29:34 pm by haunted_by_bbm »
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"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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"Warmest Week of the Year - Part 3" (Sequel to "Pine Creek")
« Reply #51 on: February 22, 2007, 11:08:58 pm »


NEW   CHAPTER   POSTING


“Warmest Week of the Year” – Part 3   (Sequel to “Pine Creek”)


This story is another one of my canon ‘add-ins.’
“Warmest Week of the year” picks up after “Pine Creek,” in May 1968.
There isn’t a reference to 1968 in the book or the film.
So, this story is entirely pulled out of my crazy mind.    ;)


http://haunted-by-bbm.livejournal.com/5117.html#cutid1



Feedback more than welcome and appreciated!


Thank you!


C*


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"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #52 on: February 23, 2007, 02:23:16 pm »
Hi, C*!

Yay, a new chapter!  What a great way to start the weekend!

Gorgeous, gorgeous writing, as always.

There is such a perfect symmetry to your writing and it reflects so beautifully the perfect symmetry of Jack and Ennis.   I just want to keep reading the words over and over again.

I love that Ennis brought Summer and Blue   :)  And it's so fitting -  Ennis can only be the true Ennis when he is with Jack and when he is with his horses. 

It was a beautiful sound.    . . .

 . . . and that was a beautiful chapter!  I always love your humor - thanks for ending with a laugh!

Thanks, C*!

Marie

P.S.  I'm worried about Ennis's ominous feeling - I trust his instincts!
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The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #53 on: February 23, 2007, 05:58:22 pm »
Quote from: mariez on February 23, 2007, 02:23:16 pm
Hi, C*!

Yay, a new chapter!  What a great way to start the weekend!

Gorgeous, gorgeous writing, as always.

There is such a perfect symmetry to your writing and it reflects so beautifully the perfect symmetry of Jack and Ennis.   I just want to keep reading the words over and over again.

I love that Ennis brought Summer and Blue   :)  And it's so fitting -  Ennis can only be the true Ennis when he is with Jack and when he is with his horses. 

It was a beautiful sound.    . . .

 . . . and that was a beautiful chapter!  I always love your humor - thanks for ending with a laugh!

Thanks, C*!

Marie

P.S.  I'm worried about Ennis's ominous feeling - I trust his instincts!

Marie, 

Thank you so much for always taking the time to read and comment.
You are the BEST encourager.   :)

I know I'm not the first one to work in a lot of sentiment with Ennis' horses,
but I think my names are original...I think.  I haven't read them in any other fics so far.  With certain details, like the horses, it becomes a little difficult to sound original, because I believe we all see Ennis a certain way when it comes to his animals.   :)  But I see that as a good thing, and really a tribute to Annie and the screenwriters because their depictions were so strong as to resonate with all of us so similarly.    :)   

I know there is one fic that has a black horse with blue eyes named "Twister."   And I just absolutely LOVED that.   :D    I think it might be Leslie's story...but I'm trying to remember.   (Gosh, I've read so many.  Sometimes, I do start to get them mixed up)  lol

You quoted one of my favorite lines to write.   And it's funny, because it's so short.
But sometimes, the short lines can really pack a punch.   ;)

"It was a beautiful sound..."

I swear there are times when these boys are in the room with me when I'm writing.   ;)

And I'm so glad you like my attempts with humor.   lol
Humor is rather new for me.
I've written a great deal of emotional, angsty poetry over the years,
and much of it has been published.  But these little stories are really
my strongest attempts at humor, and it is such a refreshing change.   :)

Thanks again, sweetie.
I look foward to your feedback every week.   :)

C*   

P.S. -  And good for you for picking up on Ennis' ominous feeling.  I believe you are the first one to mention that so far.  And you have good reason to trust his instincts. 
I don't throw in details like that randomly.  If Ennis has a feeling about something,
it's gonna go somewhere.   A hint though...it may build for several chapters.    ;)   
Good catch.   I love it when people are getting the details.   

'haunted'     :)


« Last Edit: February 23, 2007, 06:07:08 pm by haunted_by_bbm »
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"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline MaineWriter

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #54 on: February 23, 2007, 06:21:01 pm »
Yes, Twister was my invention....big black stallion with blue eyes.

L
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Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #55 on: February 23, 2007, 06:31:14 pm »
Quote from: MaineWriter on February 23, 2007, 06:21:01 pm
Yes, Twister was my invention....big black stallion with blue eyes.

L

I thought so!!!   :)
I'm going to edit my entry and add an Author's note
at the end with a shout out to you.   ;)
I knew I'd read the "blue eyes"  in another fic.   :)   

Thanks.   :)

C*   
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"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #56 on: March 02, 2007, 01:13:17 am »

NEW   CHAPTER   POSTING


“Warmest Week of the Year” – Part 4   (Sequel to “Pine Creek”)


This story is another one of my canon ‘add-ins.’
“Warmest Week of the year” picks up after “Pine Creek,” in May 1968.
There isn’t a reference to 1968 in the book or the film.
So, this story is entirely pulled out of my crazy mind.     ;)


http://haunted-by-bbm.livejournal.com/5301.html#cutid1



Feedback more than welcome and appreciated!


Thank you!


C*


'haunted'
 
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"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #57 on: March 02, 2007, 04:27:49 pm »
Quote from: haunted_by_bbm on March 02, 2007, 01:13:17 am
NEW   CHAPTER   POSTING

“Warmest Week of the Year” – Part 4   (Sequel to “Pine Creek”)


WOO HOO!!!  I'm gonna try and wait until tomorrow so I have time to savor every word - don't know if I'll make it, though!   :)

Thanks, C*
Marie
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The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #58 on: March 02, 2007, 08:15:22 pm »
Quote from: mariez on March 02, 2007, 04:27:49 pm
WOO HOO!!!  I'm gonna try and wait until tomorrow so I have time to savor every word - don't know if I'll make it, though!   :)

Thanks, C*
Marie

Hi Marie,   :)

Thanks so much.
Look forward to hearing what you think.   ;)

Love ya, sweetie.
You are the BEST cheerleader.
(Are you enjoying those pom poms?)      :D

C*      :)

P.S. - If it helps to know this...this is one of my shorter chapters.   ;) 
It's only  5,300 words.   ;)   lol   
(Chapter 2 was almost 12,000 words -
so that gives you a basis for comparison. )    ;)   lol     C*
____________________________________________________________________
« Last Edit: March 02, 2007, 08:23:26 pm by haunted_by_bbm »
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"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: Missing Motel Moments by haunted_by_bbm
« Reply #59 on: March 03, 2007, 02:59:30 pm »
Hey, C*!

I''m back.  Scarfed that chapter right up the first time - and then went back and savored every word - the only way to really do your words justice. 

You mentioned once that humor was new to you as a writer - wow - I can't believe that.  The dialogue flows so naturally . . .  it's obvious that our boys haven't just gotten under your skin, they've taken residence in your brain as well!   :)  Ennis and his crazy, "dirty joke" fruit cocktail - is that just so Ennis, or what?   :laugh:  Ya know, I love this balance to their relationship - this give and take, the many levels.  Ennis views himself as the protector - Jack allows him this; Jack is in many ways more worldly - but he knows and respects the intelligent, thinking man behind Ennis's humble demeanor.

I loved this:

. . .hefty log they were sharing, an ancient fallen limb, large and craggy, a permanent fixture of their preferred campground, having resided in that spot for as long as Ennis could remember.

How perfect -  permanent, timeless, created by God.  A physical representation of their love - and why all of this -

drove Ennis to a primal place, ancient and primordial, primitive and pure,  . . .

the primal meeting the spiritual… . . .

filling the sky with a resonating joy so few ever come to know. . . .

Unable to speak, powerless to stop, Ennis gripped tighter, wanting Jack’s cry to become part of his thrashing soul, willing the piercing howl to be absorbed into his very limbs, as they soared together, clinging in concert, two desperately fervent bodies reaching a mutual overriding release.

 - just had to happen exactly there.  Damn, you're good.

I probably won't be able to resist going back and reading again.   :)  Thanks, as always.

Love ya back,
Marie

P.S.  Re Ennis's ominous feelings - can't wait to see where that is leading . . . I won't even hazard a guess - not with a writer of your caliber!  :)



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The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain
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