Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

The Skinny Dippers


An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond, fixed up really nice, along with some
picnic tables and some apple and peach trees.
The pond was shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was
built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a
five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and
laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of
young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his
presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!" The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come
down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the
pond naked."


Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the
alligator."


Old men may move slow but can still think fast.

***

[Shasta542]

 A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her  telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before  the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this  psychic dog or senile lady.  He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the  subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
 
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman  found:
 
  1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground  wire with a steel chain and collar.

  2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
 
  3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling  current when the number was called.
 
  4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start  moaning and then urinate.
 
  5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus  causing the phone to ring.
 
  Which just goes to show that some problems CAN be  fixed by pissing and moaning.

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

 
 
Subject:  Cold Water
 
 

 

 
 

 
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes? 

 

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

 

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia .


 


 




After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"


 

 

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

 

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"


 

 

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

 

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car"

 

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted...

 

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

 


 

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]