Author Topic: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!  (Read 368521 times)

Offline opinionista

  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,939
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #400 on: February 27, 2007, 01:45:51 pm »
Janice, I love you last drabble. I could clearly imagine Ennis feeling so lonely and desperately missing Jack. Good one.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -Mark Twain.

Offline mariez

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 4,084
  • "you bet"
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #401 on: February 27, 2007, 02:09:55 pm »
A Strange Morning
1978
.   .   .

It didn’t matter that the leaves were brown, sure wasn’t going to be like that other autumn, not this time.
.  .  .

Trying something different today

And it worked just beautifully, Marleen!  :)


                                     Need
.   .  .
     The black and blue of his mind and the sheer feeling of lead within. . . 
. .  .


Janice, that description of Ennis's need is absolutely perfect.


Don Wroe’s Cabin  (300 Words)


Saturday, November 13, 1976  7:13 a.m.   
.   .   .
.   .   .   pulling him in close, and swearing he could drown in the look in Jack’s eyes.
   

Skinny Dipping Swimming Spot
Lazy L Ranch
Quanah, TX
July 10, 1976

“Ya got brown eyes…”

“I know I got brown eyes. Ya think yer tellin’ me somethin’ I don’t know?”

“I just like talkin’ ‘bout ya.”
.   .  .


Great minds, for sure. Not only the year you had in common.  I heard Elton John this morning on the way in and when he sang "Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen"   - I thought of our boys.   Loved both of these!

Thanks!
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline mariez

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 4,084
  • "you bet"
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #402 on: February 27, 2007, 02:27:14 pm »
Can I join in? Here's my contribution....Jack



February 27, 2007
Lazy L Farm
Quanah, TX
.   .   .
The people and things that Ennis loves, he loves very deeply. I worry about Twister. I don’t worry about me


Jack is here - a banner day at Drabblefest - welcome! 
He most certainly does, Jack.  One of the reasons we love him - and you, too.


Riverton, WY
November, 1972
.   .  .
Alma’s breath caught as she heard the name. Ennis rarely said it and when he did, it hurt like a knife. . . .
.  .  .

Wow, Leslie - that was excellent.  So much pain all around - it hurts everywhere.

Janice, I love you last drabble. I could clearly imagine Ennis feeling so lonely and desperately missing Jack. Good one.

Yes, I loved it too, Janice - especially the line about the life preserver!

Thanks again,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

  • Brokeback Mountain Resident
  • ****
  • Posts: 196
  • "didn't know we was gonna get into this again..."
    • Panels of the Dream: Brokeback Mountain Stories
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #403 on: February 27, 2007, 03:21:40 pm »
Can I join in? Here's my contribution....Jack



February 27, 2007
Lazy L Farm
Quanah, TX

It doesn’t snow much in Quanah, but every now and then, like today, there is a flake.

The sun’s rays slant silvery in the sky. I can tell the end of winter is coming.

I am looking at Ennis’s broad shoulders. He’s taken the news of KE’s death very hard. I can see the weight on him.

The people and things that Ennis loves, he loves very deeply. I worry about Twister. I don’t worry about me.

(82 words)


Aaahhh, dear sweet Jack. 
Always worrying about everybody else. 

Know that we're thinkin of you too, in this difficult time. 
You continute to be there for Ennis.
And the rest of us will continue to worry about both of you.    :)

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline haunted_by_bbm

  • Brokeback Mountain Resident
  • ****
  • Posts: 196
  • "didn't know we was gonna get into this again..."
    • Panels of the Dream: Brokeback Mountain Stories
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #404 on: February 27, 2007, 03:31:23 pm »
       The rain is coming down sideways, Ennis is only wearing his canvas jacket.  He is soaked through all across his back and shoulders.  The dark green color has turned to a darker blue green, and nearly black on the wettest parts.  He does his best to slink down into the slight coverage he is receiving. 
       The early snowfall has deteriorated into a pouring rain.  He has just gone out of the trailer to get to the telephone across from the post office.  He feels the need
to call Jack..He has no one to inform of the divorce.  He and Alma are now no longer married..  He will no longer, be a part of his little darlins, daily life.  He is heartsick and
feels lonely to the very core.  He can only remember one time in his life he felt so
lowdown and missing on someone...
       The day he and Jack left each other at  the end of summer.  It was four long
years, before they met up again. " Jack I sure wish I could see you.   Some times I
miss you so bad I can hardly stand it."  "Yep thats what i'll do.  I just give him a call,
just to hear his voice."  Ennis drops the coins in the slot, hears the clink, chink, clink,
as the coins drop into the phone, and then the ring, three short rings, and the the
sound of Jack's voice.  "Hello, Jack Twist , how may I help you?"  "Jack, that you?"
"He says into the phone?"  He feels like a man, that has been thrown a life preserver."
       "Jack, me an Alma are divorced!" 



Janice,

I love how you were true to Annie with this drabble, since it was a phone call in the short story.   :)  I've always tried to picture how that phone call would have come about, and I think you wrote it perfectly.   

This scene has always fascinated me because we see three different things depending on whether or not we're reading the short story, the screenplay, or watching the movie.   

Excellent job.  Thank you.   :)

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline haunted_by_bbm

  • Brokeback Mountain Resident
  • ****
  • Posts: 196
  • "didn't know we was gonna get into this again..."
    • Panels of the Dream: Brokeback Mountain Stories
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #405 on: February 27, 2007, 04:58:36 pm »

Don Wroe’s Cabin - Part 2  (100 Words)



Saturday, November 13, 1976 1:07 p.m.


Ennis stepped onto the freezing deck, quietly slipping behind Jack, leaning on the railing, silver snowflakes nestling in his hair, falling to his shoulders.
   
“Hey, Bud.  Thought the idea was to stay warm this trip,” Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack, some of the flakes slipping from Jack’s hair to land on Ennis’ face.

Jack smiled, pulling Ennis closer.

“You been keepin me plenty warm, cowboy.”

“Just checkin,” Ennis smiled, rubbing his face in Jack’s damp hair, the flakes tickling his nose and cheeks.
 
“Plenty warm…” Jack repeated, contentedly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(100 Words)   (Exact times are for Marie  ;)  )    lol






« Last Edit: February 27, 2007, 05:31:27 pm by haunted_by_bbm »
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline Cameron

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,747
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #406 on: February 27, 2007, 05:54:09 pm »
Remembering

1990

It was snowing.  Even though he was working so hard, shoveling the snow, Ennis felt the chill deep within him.  No matter how many years went by every time it was like this, he still couldn’t help but recall that morning when he woke up in that little tent to the snowflakes and the cold.  He still remembers the dream, the dream he was dreaming when he woke.  The dream replaying the afternoon before, when Jack held Ennis by his shoulders and said, “friend, this ain’t no little thing that’s……”

But Jack was stopped from saying more at this moment by Ennis’s lips, searching for and meeting his, surprising Jack, surprising himself.

But now with silver in his hair, Ennis still longed for that day so long ago, that day when he later wrapped his arms around Jack and whispered to him, the day when for that one moment everything was right with the world.

Ennis began shoveling again.  But now the tears were falling, mixing in with the snow.

(166words)
« Last Edit: February 27, 2007, 08:00:06 pm by marlb42 »



Offline mariez

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 1000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 4,084
  • "you bet"
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #407 on: February 27, 2007, 06:56:07 pm »
Don Wroe’s Cabin - Part 2  (100 Words)


Saturday, November 13, 1976 1:07 p.m.
.   .   .

“Just checkin,” Ennis smiled, rubbing his face in Jack’s damp hair, the flakes tickling his nose and cheeks.
 
“Plenty warm…” Jack repeated, contentedly. 


Another mini-series - yeah!  C, this left me feeling warm and happy!

(100 Words)   (Exact times are for Marie  ;)  )    lol

LMAO!!  Thank you, C!  (I've completely lost my mind, haven't I? :laugh:)


Remembering

1990

.  .  .  No matter how may many years went by ...

.  .  . the day when for that one moment everything was right with the world. . .

Ennis began shoveling again.  But now the tears were falling, mixing in with the snow.


Ahh, Marleen - this may be my favorite of all your drabbles so far.  It just defines poignant. 

Thanks,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline haunted_by_bbm

  • Brokeback Mountain Resident
  • ****
  • Posts: 196
  • "didn't know we was gonna get into this again..."
    • Panels of the Dream: Brokeback Mountain Stories
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #408 on: February 27, 2007, 07:17:34 pm »
Another mini-series - yeah!  C, this left me feeling warm and happy!

LMAO!!  Thank you, C!  (I've completely lost my mind, haven't I? :laugh:)


Thanks,
Marie

Marie,

I'm more than happy to feed our mutual craziness.   ;)
Love ya, sweetie. 

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline Lumičre

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 9,283
Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #409 on: February 27, 2007, 07:27:28 pm »
The Grieving Plain ..


He parked his truck by the side of the road
His hands were shaking uncontrollably
He could hardly see for the tears clouding his eyes;
The weight of the world seemed to rest on his shoulders.
He needed to still himself before he continued.
The countryside was deserted
Except for a small herd of cattle grazing nearby.
He could see the little ranch from where he was parked.
He looked over at the little house, the overgrown land;
His eyes stung with fresh tears.
He wept at the thought of leaving his Jack behind,
To be buried on a piece of land choking with weeds ..
What he wouldn't have given to see his face again:
There was not enough silver or gold in the world,
There were not enough tears he could shed ..
Nothing could bring him back.
"Forgive me, lil darlin' .. " he whispered,
His eyes resting once more on the tiny house on the ranch ..