Author Topic: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!  (Read 443379 times)

Offline TH

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #550 on: March 06, 2007, 10:56:44 am »

Ennis looked at Jack, his brown eyes molten. “Thanks,” he said softly.


   Ahhh... ... and so it begins... 

  -real nice.  -thanks... 
I know you think I know that you know what you think I said.
Know you what you think I know you know is not what I meant?

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #551 on: March 06, 2007, 11:11:00 am »
I had wriiten another earlier, it might be time to move away from C and E here, hope you don't mind that I am posting it.
A Summer Night

(August 1988)

Ennis turned on the fan on his bed, but it didn’t help in this heat. He couldn’t remember a time when it was this hot before, so hot even for the dog days of summer.  He washed his hot face, but the water wasn’t cold enough and it didn’t help. He went outside to the trailer, even in the dark, the wind was no relief from the heat. He saw a light, a flashing light.  He decided to go over.  He saw that it was Tom, his neighbor, lying on a plastic lawn bed, a flashlight in his hand, a magazine lying on his stomach.

“Whaddya readin’? Ennis asked.

“About all sorts of places” Tom said “like Brussels and Paris and all sorts of other places.”

“Ya ever been there?” Ennis asked.

“Na, but I sure wanna go, how ‘bout you?

“Nope” Ennis answered and he thought, ‘ya know, I don’t wanna go.’

Everyone else, Cassie, Junior and Jenny, always talked about all the fine places they wanted to see.  But Ennis looked through the darkness and the erratic light of the fireflies towards the mountain, dimly lit by the moon.

In this heat he recalled the cool, crisp nights, so different than this one, made so warm by the fires.  Both fires, the flickering campfire and the raging fire deep within them, burning so brightly and never needed any kindling at all.

The vision of Jack appeared before Ennis’s eyes, and he could almost feel the touch of Jack’s lips.  He knew where the only place that he really wanted to go to was.  Back in time to those cool, sweet nights up on the mountain, with Jack.

(284 words)


          Really really liked both of these dear.  They are the kind of writing i love.. They give the reader
a journey..One that you feel as well as learn from.  You could get that from both of these..thanks for
that.                                                                                              janice



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Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #552 on: March 06, 2007, 12:33:41 pm »
     Ennis raises his head, and claps his hand to his eyes.  He pinches the bridge of his nose
with his thumb and forfinger.  His eyes are giant pits of pain.  He can't seem to focus his
mind.  Let alone hs vision, through the relentless hangover pain.  Man, I don't remember
having a headache like this, in a long time.  Then like a thunderbolt.  Realization hits him.  His
head was throbbing before, but that has now notched up, to the Sun.
     Ennis tries to open his eyes.  They are stubbornly refusing to obey.. His poor head is
hammering like a drum.  His eyes are blinded, but still he tries.  He starts to rise, and look around.  He glances down to where he is sitting..Now, "oh my God" when the truth hits him.
"What have I done?  What have we, done?"  "Oh fuck, oh God, oh God, oh God..."  and he
looks once more in Jacks direction.  He lays still and sleeping, and Ennis can see that his jeans
are still down to his knees.  Then he sees his own are still in the same place as well.  "Oh my
God, oh my God" the litany repeats again in his hammering brain. " What have I done, what have we done?" 
     Ennis rises and pulls his jeans up as he heads out through the tent flap.  He wishes he had
purchased those aspirins, that he passed on.  Because he only had $l.63. When he thought about buying them.. He is now on a mission to get back to those sheep, he knows that
he cannot face Jack at this time.  And as if thinking of the man has somehow summoned him.
Jack emerges from the tent.  He is disheveled and rather forlorn looking.  "Oh my God the
litany begins again."  Ennis tries to complete his job.  To ready Cigar Butt, to go back up the mountain.
He checks the 30-30 and returns it to the scabbard.  Jack walks tentatively towards where he
is now mounting the horse, and starts to turn.  Jack says softly, "see ya for supper."  Ennis completes the turn and only grunts in reply.  He is in such a stage of pain, and worry, and even
shame, til he has no other response.  He wonders what the future now will bring.  "I have
probably killed, the only real friendship, I have ever had.  I ever will have.  Oh, my God. " He,
tries to think. Through the relentless hangover he is carrying.  It now has a companion pain.
That has taken up residence, in the pit, of a sour stomach.  He doesn't know if the pain is
from the alcohol, or from the feeling of shame and betrayal.  "Oh God, oh God, oh God."  He
hurries up the trail, and finds the pain is now his constant companion.  He won't soon, escape this,
and he is pretty sure, that those aspirins weren't going to be a big help ,either.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 01:00:49 pm by ifyoucantfixit »



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Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #553 on: March 06, 2007, 01:12:40 pm »
Signal, WY
Tuesday, May 7, 1963

If were gonna be workin’ together, we might as well start drinkin’ together.

Ennis sat at the bar, worrying the label off the bottle with his thumb. There were two empties in front of Jack; he’d been nursing his one beer for over an hour.

“Ya want another?”

Ennis looked down. He knew he had exactly $1.63 in his pocket. A beer cost a quarter and a pack of smokes was fifty cents. Damn, I’m hungry, he thought. What would a sandwich or a burger cost? Fifty, seventy-five cents? I don’t think I can afford another beer.

He fished the half-smoked cigarette out of his shirt pocket and put it between his lips. He nodded to Jack who pushed the lighter towards him and Ennis nodded again, his thanks silent.

Jack slid his gaze over the man next to him, taking in the big hands, worn and calloused, fingernails broken and bitten. But the line of his jaw, the set of his chin were determined and proud. Jack had a sudden urge to run his fingers along the other man’s cheek. Fighting temptation, he slid off the stool and went over to the vending machine by the door. He pumped in four quarters and received two packs of Marlboros in return.

He put the pack on the bar, pushing it gently towards Ennis with his index finger. Ennis looked at Jack, his brown eyes molten. “Thanks,” he said softly.

“Lemme buy ya a beer. Ya hungry?”

Ennis nodded and this time, Jack saw a ghost of a smile at the edge of his mouth.

Jack nodded to the bartender. “We’ll take another round. Ya got anythin’ ta eat?” Jack’s smiled broadened as he nodded toward Ennis. “This is my buddy. We’re gonna be workin’ together.”

Ennis nodded. “All summer.”

“All summer,” breathed Jack.

(310 words)



:D    When Leslie is writing 'young canon,' the day just doesn't start off any better than that.    :)

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline MaineWriter

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #554 on: March 06, 2007, 01:18:27 pm »
:D    When Leslie is writing 'young canon,' the day just doesn't start off any better than that.    :)

C*

Ah, thanks...

'Young canon,' interesting. It is also Lazy L Farm canon, because if you remember, Jack told Ennis he fell in love with him the day he met him. And this...he buys him cigarettes, he buys him lunch. Their first "date."

L
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Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #555 on: March 06, 2007, 01:20:04 pm »
He checks the 30-30 and returns it to the scabbard.  Jack walks tentatively towards where he is now mounting the horse, and starts to turn.  Jack says softly, "see ya for supper."  Ennis completes the turn and only grunts in reply.  He is in such a stage of pain, and worry, and even shame, til he has no other response.  He wonders what the future now will bring.  "I have probably killed, the only real friendship, I have ever had.  I ever will have.  Oh, my God. " He, tries to think. Through the relentless hangover he is carrying.  It now has a companion pain.

That has taken up residence, in the pit, of a sour stomach.  He doesn't know if the pain is from the alcohol, or from the feeling of shame and betrayal.  "Oh God, oh God, oh God."  He hurries up the trail, and finds the pain is now his constant companion.  He won't soon, escape this, and he is pretty sure, that those aspirins weren't going to be a big help , either.


Janice,

This was beautiful.  
I swear I could feel Ennis' agony, feeling like he'd screwed up, lost his friend.  You made it very, very real.   So well done.   :)

C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline jpwagoneer1964

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #556 on: March 06, 2007, 01:21:27 pm »
September 1967



Ennis looks across the formica table at Jack, seated on the vinyl cushion of the booth at the K-Cafe in Riverton, couldn't keep from a ear to ear grin. He never thought he would see Jack again, be...with him, be looking into those eyes of his sharing this meal the breackfast special of chicken fried steak topped with  bacon, hash browns, country biscuts,fresh fruit, eggs, orange juice and milk.  Never thought this day would come, spending the next three whole days up in the Tetons, just him and Jack.

Ennis at first embarrassed to even look the waitress in the eye finally spoke up.."This here is my friend Jack Twist...from all the way in Texas. Hadn't seen him 'n four years"

When she laid the check down Ennis pick it up, total for the two specials with tax $1.63. Jack took it from him. "This one's on me...Come on...Time to git goin' cowboy." How good to hear those words this time.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 01:30:40 pm by jpwagoneer1964 »
Thank you Heath and Jake for showing us Ennis and Jack,  teaching us how much they loved one another.

Offline haunted_by_bbm

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #557 on: March 06, 2007, 01:25:53 pm »
Ah, thanks...

'Young canon,' interesting. It is also Lazy L Farm canon, because if you remember, Jack told Ennis he fell in love with him the day he met him. And this...he buys him cigarettes, he buys him lunch. Their first "date."

L

aahh,   I'd forgotten about that.    :D   
I just immediately thought 'canon' when I read it and got all warm and toasty.   :D
It totally works for this reader both ways.   ;)    lol
C*
"The room stank of semen and smoke and sweat and whiskey, of old carpet and sour hay, saddle leather, shit and cheap soap.  Ennis lay spread-eagled, spent and wet, breathing deep, still half tumescent, Jack blowing forceful cigarette clouds like whale spouts..." – Annie Proulx

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #558 on: March 06, 2007, 02:00:53 pm »
Signal, WY
Tuesday, May 7, 1963
.  .  .
Jack slid his gaze over the man next to him, taking in the big hands, worn and calloused, fingernails broken and bitten. But the line of his jaw, the set of his chin were determined and proud. Jack had a sudden urge to run his fingers along the other man’s cheek.  . . .

.... Ennis looked at Jack, his brown eyes molten. “Thanks,” he said softly.

Dang - that's brilliant, Leslie.  I was damn near swooning with these lines.  :) (and I love that "first date" thought).


     Ennis raises his head, and claps his hand to his eyes.  He pinches the bridge of his nose
with his thumb and forfinger.  His eyes are giant pits of pain.  He can't seem to focus his
mind.  Let alone hs vision, through the relentless hangover pain.  Man, I don't remember
having a headache like this, in a long time.  Then like a thunderbolt.  Realization hits him.  His
head was throbbing before, but that has now notched up, to the Sun.
     Ennis tries to open his eyes.  They are stubbornly refusing to obey.. His poor head is
hammering like a drum.  His eyes are blinded, but still he tries. .  .  .

. . . He hurries up the trail, and finds the pain is now his constant companion.  He won't soon, escape this,
and he is pretty sure, that those aspirins weren't going to be a big help ,either.

What a hangover description, Janice (I was starting to get a headache myself just reading it LOL!).  Really loved those last lines about pain being his companion and no escape.  Great job!


September 1967
.  .  .
When she laid the check down Ennis pick it up, total for the two specials with tax $1.63. Jack took it from him. "This one's on me...Come on...Time to git goin' cowboy." How good to hear those words this time.

It was great hearing those words, Mark.  It always makes me teary to see Ennis happy.  (And who doesn't love looking at Jack leaning against his truck).   :)

Thanks,
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline Lumière

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #559 on: March 06, 2007, 02:16:23 pm »
Howdy drabble-lovers!  :)

This is probably unlike Jack and Ennis, but it was fun to write..   ;D



Not t'night..


Jack felt Ennis’ hot breath on his neck, his swollen member rubbing against the back of Jack's thigh.

“Ennis.  What’re ya doin’?” he managed in a sleep-clogged voice.

“What d’ya think I’m doing?”  Ennis asked, pushing closer into Jack’s back.

“Well, not t’night honey, I’ve got a headache..”

“A whut?” Ennis raised his head, his roving hand stopped dead in its tracks.

“Ya know, thing that gives ya pain in the head when yer tired or sleepy or ..”  Jack yawned, covering himself some more with the blanket.

“Shit Jack!  I gotta put up with this from Alma, now you!”  Ennis said, deflated, his voice laced with disappointment.

“What’re sayin’?  That I really don’t have a headache?” Jack added, feigning hurt.

“No ..no, I’m not sayin’ that.  It’s just..”

“Yeah?”

“Well, nothin’ .. We only got two more days here, is all..”  Ennis said, rolling off Jack and laying himself down.  Jack let out a sigh.

“Alright, fine.  Ya can have yer way with me.  But only if ya do “the thing” first ..” Jack smiled, turning to face Ennis, now wide awake.

“Nah .. the moment’s passed ..”

Jack laughed, “Not what lil’ Ennis here is telling me!”

“Besides, there ain’t ‘nough room on this bed to do “the thing” .. I’d fall off!” Ennis said, a smile on his lips.

“Yer a determined man, Del Mar, you’ll find a way!” Jack rolled himself on top of Ennis, placing a light kiss on his lips, grinding himself ever so slowly along the length of Ennis’ body.

“Ahhh .. yer gonna make me beg for it, aren’t ya?”

“You bet.” Jack whispered, his tongue grazing Ennis’ left nipple, slow and teasing ..

(~ 277 words)


« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 02:26:33 pm by Lucise »