Dealing With the Brokeback Non-Believers

[starboardlight]

My observation (and admittedly it's is a generalization) is that the gay men who don't "get" BBM have a very contrarian streak in their points of view. The gay men that I know who hate this film, invariably have this personality trait. They often have a need to criticize the status quo and tend to like, no relish being an outsider. They use the film to criticize the Hollywood establishment, even though the film didn't come from the establishment. They use the film to criticize stereotypes, thought no one representation can break stereotypes all by itself. They focus on the minute details instead of seeing the bigger picture. They see the conventions, instead of seeing how the convention is used to turn it on its head. Often, they are young, angry, and militant. Many of us were that way, when we first came out. I was. As was my younger brother. I think I might not have appreciated the film had it come out in my early 20's. I guess for now, I'll just let be, as far as these angry gay men are concerned. We all mellow out eventually, and maybe then, they'll be able to appreciate the story for what it is.

[Aussie Chris]

My observation (and admittedly it's is a generalization) is that the gay men who don't "get" BBM have a very contrarian streak in their points of view...

Gee, they seem like real "fun types" to be around.  Come to think of it, I do know one of these types myself and I make sure I keep a safe distance.  From what I can see they get very little enjoyment out of anything unless it involves putting others down or in their place.  Not really the sort of person who's opinion I would seek out.

Being a fairly even keeled, live-and-let-live person myself, I don't have a problem with anyone not liking BBM or anything else that I love.  After all there have been plenty of films that others have enjoyed that possibly have merit but I didn't like - Requiem for a Dream comes to mind.  But I do have a problem with the contrarians spreading their "good cheer" in my direction.  I just wish they'd find something they do like and go off and do it.  Far, far away from me!

[starboardlight]

My observation (and admittedly it's is a generalization) is that the gay men who don't "get" BBM have a very contrarian streak in their points of view...

Gee, they seem like real "fun types" to be around. 

lol. anyone remember carmenjonez?

[ednbarby]

I do, Starbie!  And of all the openly gay men in my company (I know of five off-hand), one of them is just like that and had the same criticisms for the movie.  And he is exactly like that - it seems he feels that the only way to keep the upper hand is to keep putting everything and everyone around him down.  The other four men, all very disparate in background and taste, thought it was one of the best movies they've ever seen.  One is rivalling me for most times viewed.  The others have just seen it for the second time since it came out on DVD and plan to buy it.

And Phillip, I *so* know what you mean about starting to feel not so happy about knowing your friend.  I've had a woman friend for years that I wish I could cut loose.  But it goes against my grain to be disloyal, no matter how damaging an established relationship is.  Friends who know her say, "I can't believe you still talk to her after the things she's said to you."  Glutton for punishment, I guess.  Oh, and she's the one I mentioned at the old CT a while back who said she'd never see this movie because "man on man action isn't her thing."  Mind you, this girl is the biggest potty-mouth you'd ever come across.  More than happy to give you all the dirty details of every single sexual encounter (many extra-maritally) she's ever had.  Ugh.  Hypocritical much?

[RouxB]

I pretty much had to give up on trying to "educate" friends. Initially I took everyone person I knew and loved to see it but at some point their lack of gushing love started to bug me as I was taking it personally. Now, if I feel the person is worth it-like my sister-I direct them to IMDb (with warnings about the trolls) or forward some of the great saved threads I have. This has given at least 2 of my friends a whole new lease on the movie.

One of my other friends tried to stage a "Brokeback Mountain Intervention" I told her to f**k off 

[YaadPyar]

I don't think this movie universally appeals to any particular group - gay men or straight women or astronauts or immigrant farm workers...it appeals on the level of some internal emotional recognition.  Folks who don't have the receptors for it just don't, and belonging to any particular cultural, sexual, religious, etc., group doesn't make that happen.

I remember seeing Terms of Endearment, and listening to audience members sobbing at the story, and all I could think was "what a bunch of emotionally manipulative crap this is!"  There's no circumstance under which I would have felt differently - I don't have the right receptors to appreciate that filmic experience.  And lots of people don't have it for BBM.

The people who think it's slow and boring aren't just being contrary - they really do think that.  I can think of many lauded films I feel that way about (you don't even want to hear my list).  No friend, no matter how sincerely intentioned, would change that.  Even if I understood why they liked it, I still wouldn't feel what they felt.

BBM is a touchstone for me, but I just can't assume being gay or anything else, means you 'get it'.  Maybe it's most important to live the message of BBM, instead of convincing others to watch it or arguing about their understanding.  And then our friends will get the message of hope and redemption and healing and love and whatever else we felt through us, even if they don't get it from the movie.

[twistedude]

Lately, I just get mad...I know, I shouldn't.

"Is there a fuckin' problem with that?"

[ednbarby]

Ooh, Julie.  Love the still shot.  And I react the same way.  I say, "If you wanna keep livin' your ignorant fuckin' life, you go right ahead."  OK, mostly I just think that.  But it still makes me feel better.

[sparkle_motion]

I have a rather odd experience. A coworker of mine is racist, homophobic, etc. I finally convinced her to see Brokeback. She saw it, loved it, cried. For about a week after that, she said she "loves gay people! and they should definitely be allowed to marry", etc. Now, a month later, she is back to her old ways...making derogatory comments about homosexuals and such. It's very weird and very frustrating (I can't stop myself from arguing with her every time she does it.)
It seems she lost/forgot the lesson that Brokeback taught her.

[YaadPyar]

Julie -

I'm so impressed with your graphics talent.  You always talk about technological challenges, so I'm even more impressed that you keep finding and posting these great pics!