Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > The Lighter Side
Completed Brokeback Limericks!
Lumière:
He was macho, but he loved a pretty rose
So a handsome cowboy was what he chose.
When darkness fell they joined,
and explored each other's loins,
He woke up with Jack's smell in his nose.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
He jumped up as if he had touched fire
His feelings spiraling higher and higher.
His trunk was stiff,
And high as a cliff,
as their hearts were full of Desire!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Baby girls and a boy were born,
But their lives were still torn.
'Cause one of their own
Could never be sown
And that, 'til death, they both would mourn.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
On the end she tied a little note,
Any chance he wouldn't see it, very remote.
It didn't get wet,
He was too busy with Jack to fret.
and he tried not to come home and Gloat.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
He slowly went up to Jack's bedroom,
Feeling reverant as if in a tomb.
It was tiny, simple and bare,
To the wardrobe he would stare
His tears fell, all he could feel was gloom!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
There once was a brat named Bobby,
Who liked playing in the lobby.
Such an annoying child
Always running wild,
They need to get him a Hobby!
Lumière:
The sheep on the mountain were sleeping
Aguirre, on horse back, was creeping
Towards the small tent
Where two men lay spent
"Too late!" he howled and started weeping.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Jack Twist wasn't much of a thinker,
At solving probs he was a stinker,
The life he lead sucked
He was constantly bucked
Who can blame him for getting a drinker?
##-----------------------------------------------------##
His hat covered his embarrassed intent,
But they both knew what it meant,
Shirtless was Jack,
Lying on his back,
And at it in silence they went.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
"Asphyxiation" he had never heard,
Wondering how he knew such a complex word,
neither had made it past the 8th grade,
As kids on the farm they had stayed,
To think he knew the meaning, would have been absurd.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Ma Twist was aware of her son's ways,
knowing how her husband felt about Gays.
He'd changed after that summer,
Talked about having met a newcomer,
How he'd never been so happy in all his born days.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
When they shared that first kiss,
Both fell into the abyss,
They knew their summer was about to change,
As they observed each other at very close range,
It was paradise, heaven, pure bliss.
Lumière:
And then there was Green and blue and beige,
Grass, sky, and woolies page after page
See how happy the denizens are!
As we wish on the North Star,
Proulx's Brokeback Mountain is all the rage!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
"You are in a hurry," Jack Twist said,
"I figured we wait till we found a bed!"
In response, she removed her top,
Jack was stunned, too amazed to stop.
And the next thing he knew, they were wed!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
"Stupid mule" an angry Ennis grunted
Because he felt much affronted.
He was dying for a swig of whiskey,
And feeling right frisky,
By a worried Jack, he was confronted.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Summer of sixty-three was mighty precious,
Considering the altitudinous
The air made Jack feel faint,
And horny as hell, he was no saint!
But the tent action sure was luscious!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
'No more beans!' cried gorgeous Jack,
'Drop your jeans!' cried Ennis back.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours,"
"Fine", said Ennis, "Go on! Drop your drawers!"
And soon their frocks were in a stack.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Jack's jeans, they sure came off easy,
He was horny and dying to get busy!
With Ennis behind,
He was hammered half blind...
And got himself in a right tizzy!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
I once knew a Peeping Tom called Joe
And a-spying he did frequently go.
His favourite sight
In the morning light
Was the "Ennis and Jack Nasty Show!"
Lumière:
Jack's cooking left much to desire.
he'd spill the beans in the fire.
Ennis didn't care if Jack's cooking sucked,
Jack had an Ass that begged to be....
but he could BBQ a chicken if it were Plucked.
Yet, Ennis' love and body did Jack acquire!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
That terrible day of Thanksgiving,
where everyone involved had a misgiving,
Jack threatened the Stud duck,
And didn't give a flying f***
Because no one was forgiving.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
When Ennis in all his beauty
Had to have Jack's booty,
He'd let go like a wild horse.
Alma wasn't cutting it, he needed a divorce.
But, apart from that, he did his duty!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Water-walking Jesus! Take me awa-ay-ay!
I'm a tootin' cowboy an' I sure ain't gay-ay-ay!
And if I am a sinner,
Well so was Yul Brynner.
I ain't foolin', God made me this way-ay-ay!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
"Goddammit, this coffee is cold!"
Jacks nights with the sheep were starting to get old.
"I'd kill for a night by the fire with him",
I'd love to get warm from outside and within...
So his member I will always behold
##-----------------------------------------------------##
She divorced him and married Riverton's grocer,
She wanted someone to whom she could get closer.
Her love for Ennis prevailed,
"Jack Twist... Jack Nasty!" she wailed.
She wept bitterly, feeling like a sad loser.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
There once was a peeing sheep,
And what a devoted vigil he did keep!
When he wasn't depositing rivulets
He was checking out the boys' anklets!
And he did this all without a bleat!
Lumière:
"Ennis, will you marry me?", asked Jack.
"I would," he replied, "but guts I lack!"
"Thats no problem, have another Beer!"
He did and said: "Hell, Jack! C'mere!"
"I love you Ennis! Let's honeymoon on Brokeback!"
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Spring of 83, Ennis and Jack blissfully wed,
And redlined it to the honeymoon bed.
It was a sight to behold!
Even when it was cold!
In the costume of love they were cled!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Alma bought Ennis some new jammies
From Riverton's newest boutique: Chez Sammy's!
but Ennis never took them when fishing,
Alma's worries persisted, never finishing -
she sighed: Him with Jack Twist, they're my "double whammies!"
##-----------------------------------------------------##
That pup tent is stinkin like cat piss!,
He vented his displeasure with a hiss.
If I slept in the camp,
With you sexy vamp,
your company I sure do miss!
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Two shirts are together forever,
A greater love there was never.
One check and one blue,
One of me, one of you
A union that no-one could sever.
##-----------------------------------------------------##
Jack saddled his horse for the ride,
His excitement he hardly could hide.
Tonight could be the night,
Everything felt just right,
How he'd lay him, he'd yet to decide...
##-----------------------------------------------------##
The Motel Siesta had a vacancy
'Motel toilet cleaner' hadn't been taken, see?
They jumped onto the creaking bed,
And screwed like they were just wed.
They only came up for air when 'twas time to pee!
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