Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > The Lighter Side

Have you heard a good one lately?

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vkm91941:
Geri, I can't even tell that one without cracking up and it's so much better if you can deliver the list dead serious... lets see if this one strikes your funny bone...

A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face.

"Sir," she said, "the ladies room is unoccupied. You may use it only if you promise not to touch the buttons on the wall."

He was about to explode, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savouring the feeling, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified with the letters: WW, WA and PP, and there was one red button labeled ATR.

Who would really know if he touched them? He could not just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed thw WW button. Warm Water was sprayed gently on his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him, the men's washroom didn't have nice things like this. Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the WA button.

Warm Air replaced the warm water, wafted and swirled about, gently drying his underside.He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the PP button. A large Powder Puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant smell of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies room was far more than a restroom, it was a place of tender loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did he pressed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!

He knew he was in the hospital room as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies restroom!"

"You pushed too many buttons," replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. "That last button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.

Katie77:
Two young brothers, aged 9 and 6 were up in their room, and the oldest brother said to the youngest...."lets start saying swear words, and see what happens".....the younger of the two was quite excited that his older brother was teaching him to swear, and they decided to try it out when their Mum called them down to breakfast.


Mum said to the eldest brother....."and what would you like for breakfast?"...feeling game, he said, "give me some of those damn bloody coco pops"......

He didnt see the Whack coming from his mother to the side of his head, and she yelled at him "get up to your room".....he ran away crying.....

"Now young man" she said to the youngest brother, "and what do YOU want for breakfast"?

Slinking back in his chair he said "Well I sure as hell dont want any FUCKING  coco pops"

vkm91941:
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God

More ...
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN
His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother"
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

acoustic man:
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield

Katie77:
Love em all Acoustic Man....very funny....

Heres another one....

A rich man and a poor man were discussing what they gave their wives for their anniversary.

The rich man says, "I bought my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz".

Poor man asks, "Why did you buy her two gifts?"

The rich man replies,  "Well, if she doesn't like the diamond necklace, she can drive the Mercedes Benz to take it back".

The poor man acknowldges the rich man's answer then proceeds to tell him what he got his wife for presents....."I got my wife a pair of flip-flops and a dildo".

"Why did you buy her those gifts?"

The poor man replies, "Well, in case she doesn't like the flip-flops, she can go f*** herself".

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