Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > The Lighter Side
Have you heard a good one lately?
Katie77:
heres another one.....
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks "whats in the bag"?
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 12 inches high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Motzart.
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Here, rub it".
So the brtender rubs the lamp and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish....just one".
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks".
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck,, then another soon follows it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming.
The bartender turnes to the man and says "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks".
"Tell me about it" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
Katie77:
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There is a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her - "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."
"Damn" says the little old lady - "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some, Thanks for the warning".
"Well not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh No" says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flowerbeds. So, I stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say "$20 or off it comes".
"Hey, not a bad idea" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck. By the way, what's int the other bag?"
"Well," says the little lady - "Not all of them pay".
Katie77:
Hospital News...............
A woman called a local hospital.......
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302".
"I'll connect you with the nursing station...."
"3A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"
I'd like to know the condition fo Sarah Finkel in room 302".
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records...Mrs . Finkel is doing very weill. In fact she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be aken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, thats fantastic....thats wonderful news ".
The nurse said, "Fom your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend".
"Neither, I AM Sarah Finkel in 302........Nobody here tells me shit."
BB Stacker:
Incredible story about an elephant's memory
UPI July 3, 2006
A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.
While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull
elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot.
There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.
As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with
His hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its
foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on
its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood
frozen --
thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The
man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his
teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the
rail.
The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off
the
ground,
then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while
staring at
the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same
elephant.
After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.
The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his
way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared
back
in wonder.
Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing,
killing him.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Arad-3:
lol...these jokes are so funny. That elephant story really had me going! :laugh: :laugh:
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version