For those of us in the northern half of the planet, it is the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. After tonight, the days will begin to grow longer, but we have to get Thur tonight.
In the old days it would be marked with fires that would burn Thur the night. Sometimes they would burn for 12 days, until they could tell the stars were moving again. I have had fires before, but tonight it will be only a candle, it is too wet outside to have a bonfire. And a candle suits me well. I am not in a particularly celebratory mood, but one of quiet reflection, hands warmed by hot chocolate, maybe some pictures of warmer times.
Sitting here now waiting for comcast to restore my connection to the world, I ponder aloud the place of this forum in my life, and the bigger picture. I hear increasingly the complaints of people about situations, about one another. I have seem people bring turmoil to their lives over situations they have found here. I smile, because I am seeing a reflection of life, maybe even life itself. I have heard people talk of leaving, I have "seen" them get their asses all up on their shoulders, like their conflicts are so important they have to take action.
How did it happen?
When we came here we had in common one thing, we had experienced the emotional hammering of the story of Jack and Ennis. It had struck a cord with us, each of us, on some level in our lives, that we could respond to, had to respond to least we miss the opportunity to escape their fate on some level. We were of one mind in that respect, we were emotionally vulnerable and open to idea, because we were seeking answers. It was what we had in common. The experience is one we will always have in common.
That story, with ever day of my life that passes I see how very close to perfect it is. How damn near every word of it can apply to life. (*They were respectful of each others opinions, each glad to have a companion where none had been expected*) and as the story and its effect have healed in our lives, we begin to see our differences, our individuality. It is not always a pretty, rewarding process. We sometimes forget the lessons we learned, we sometimes forget we are capable of respect and we forget we are not the enemy. The sadness that falls upon us is nothing new, nothing we have not seen before, standing in a trail head parking lot hurling truths and lies and contorting coat hangers back into their original shape because we need that coat hanger, it s a sacred relic now.
I don't hold on to Jack and Ennis as I once did. I left them in a grassy spot next to a railroad track in Alberta, where on a clear day their souls can drown in the bluest sky on earth. These days I count my blessings, and put my house in order. My heart in my chest, my brain in my head, and little shakes in my britches. I work to think with my brain, and feel with my heart, because for a while now I had those two confused, and it was quite inneresting the results sometimes, but this is better.
These days, I rejoice in the friends and connections I have made all over the world. Everyday for a couple of weeks now I have not dreaded going to my mail box because amongst the bills and tax statements are cards from people all over, some of whom I have never met in person. I am a richer person for the experience. And as these people drift away, and drift they will, they will have a place both in my mind and in my heart, and the connection will remain strong with me.
So what will become of our little town? I think it will change over time, it will probably eventually fade and pass away. That is the nature of things. It will be a place on no map, but the one we keep in our heads. A little circle not unlike Lightnin' Flat or Sage, where from time to time ghosts come to life and speak to us once again.
I will keep you in my heart, so that you will never need to feel lost. You have a place next to me, by the fire.
Topic: Shakesthegrounds Rumblings (Read 2630318 times)