Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Katie77]

BIRTHDAY REMINDER

This week we celebrate a special birthday !   
Monica Lewinsky turned 34.
Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling
Around the White House on her hands and knees,
And putting everything in her mouth. 
They grow up so fast, don't they?

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

This is in no way politically motivated (I'm an Aussie).....I had to laugh when I got this email from an American friend titled...24 PICS OF HELL ON EARTH

[dot-matrix]

Things You Never Want To Hear Your Doctor Say---------





Gross!

I hope you don't plan on having any more kids.

Twins!

Is that supposed to be there?

What is that?

(ACTUAL) DOCTOR: "Ooooh, that's gonna hurt!" ME:"What?!!?" DOCTOR:"Nothing, all's fine."

Uh-oh!!!

Where did I leave that clamp?

In the interest of conserving the environment I'm going to reuse all my medical supplies.

Where did I put that Vaseline?

Oops...

Yeah I have one of those too, wanna see?

Who tried to repair this?

Congratulations, Sir, you're pregnant!

You have really nice tan lines.

Have you seen where I left that thermometer?

You don't have to be #1 in your class to get a job

Hmmm... Everything looks fine, but bend over anyway.

To secretary: "Oh, Jan, has my lawyer called yet?"

Has that always been like that?

Are you sure you're a woman?

Kidneys? I thought this was another vasectomy!

I only killed one guy.

Hey, George! Come look at this!!!!

This is gonna hurt you more than it does me.

Where's my glove?

Hold this we might need it later

I'll be listening to your heart through this paper towel tube.

I can't find a pulse!

There's bad news and good news. The bad news is, you have about a month left. The good news is they're naming a disease after you.

Would you like fries with that?

Have you written a will?

Dang, that's a big one.

Hey nurse, Come look at all the different colors!

After checking your test results: "Can you pay cash?"

Clear!

[dot-matrix]

How to Tell if Your Feet Stink

[dot-matrix]

Guts vs. Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

[dot-matrix]

A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After
the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was
brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled,  the preacher replied:

"I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch
my lips."

The cowboy  then handed his drink back to the attendant and said:

"Yee Haw Me too, I didn't know we had a choice.."